


You are Made of Stardust

by nowthatswhaticallmagic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Lawyers, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkwardness, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Established Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Gay Hinata Shouyou, Gay Sex, Getting Together, Halloween Costumes, House Party, M/M, Oral Sex, Party, Roommates, Sexuality Crisis, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Sleeping Together, Slow Burn, Volleyball Dorks in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27621365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowthatswhaticallmagic/pseuds/nowthatswhaticallmagic
Summary: They say that 93% of the mass in the human body is made up of stardust. Nearly all the elements found in our bodies were made in a star and many have come through several supernovas. Sometimes a supernova comes in the form of a short boy with warm brown eyes and messy ginger hair.~Kageyama needs to get a full time job at a law firm if he wants any shot of getting into a prestigious law school and fulfilling his dream of becoming an attorney. However, when he shows up on the first day he encounters an unforeseen obstacle that may just pull him out of the orbit he had been stuck in for years: his spritely new coworker, and competition for the full time position at the firm, Hinata Shouyou.(Content/Trigger warnings are posted in the notes at the beginning of a chapter when applicable)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Shimizu Kiyoko, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 28
Kudos: 135





	1. The First Day

As he approached the brown brick office building, Kageyama’s hands were trembling from the combination of brisk October air and first day nerves.  _ This is not high school,  _ he reminded himself,  _ it’s just a part time job _ . Upon entering, he briefly took comfort in the warmth of the lobby before the receptionist, a small woman with big, round glasses, asked, “how may I help you?”

“I’m from Karasuno University..I’m supposed to start today..er.. my name’s Kageyama Tobio,” he stuttered, hoping she would attribute the unsteadiness in his voice to the chill outside from which he had just emerged.

“I see,” she pursed her lips, “Give me just one minute, please.” The receptionist picked up her phone, dialed, and connected almost immediately. “Daichi? The other one’s here.”

Seconds later, a man with dark hair and a warm, fatherly demeanor exited the elevator and walked over to Kageyama, offering his hand. He shook it, meekly.

“Mr. Kageyama, my name is Daichi. I will be kind of like your mentor for your time here at the Miyagi Law Firm. Follow me please,” he said, starting off back toward the elevator. 

Kageyama followed, “I thought I was working for Mr.. uh.. Ukai?”

Daichi chuckled a little, “yes, yes, he’s the defense attorney you’re interning for. I’m just a paralegal and even though you’ll be doing different work, I was assigned to oversee you and your partner because I’ve been with the firm for a few years now.”

“Partner?” externally, Kageyama merely raised an eyebrow, but internally he began to weave himself into a web of negative thoughts. _ I work best alone. What if he wants to be friends? What if he whistles while he works? What if he wants to  _ know _ things about me? _

After getting off the elevator at the fourth floor, Daichi led Kageyama down a hallway with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the October day. “He’s already here. Very eager to meet you. Right through here...” he opened a door near the end of the hall to reveal an office with two desks that faced each other, filing cabinets, a closet, a fridge, and a small counter.

“You must be Kageyama!” A short guy, with a mess of striking ginger hair exclaimed, standing up to greet his new coworker. “Hinata Shouyou,” he said, bowing enthusiastically before reaching out for a handshake.

“Uh.. Kageyama,” he hesitantly took Hinata’s hand in his, “Kageyama Tobio.”

“Kageyama Tobio,” Hinata tried out the name on his tongue before picking up a to-go cup of coffee from his desk, “I brought this for you. Figured I would try to win you over with caffeine before the rest of me scares you away.” He winked at this final remark.

_ Scare me away? I usually do the scaring away,  _ Kageyama thought. “I’ve got my own,” is what he found himself saying, producing a gray thermos from his backpack and setting it down at the empty workspace.

“Oh,” Hinata’s expression dampened, “I guess I’ll see if the boss wants this one then?” He nodded decisively, “Yeah… That’s what I’ll do.” Kageyama watched his short coworker exit the room on his way to woo the boss on the first day.  _ Why didn’t I just accept the damn coffee?  _ He groaned to himself.

Kageyama looked up from his desk to see that Daichi was still standing in the doorway. “Learn to play nice or you won’t go far here. As cliche as it sounds, the Miyagi firm is a family.” With this, Hinata bounded back into the room, no longer carrying the cup of coffee he had left with.  _ I guess that’s Hinata 1 - Kageyama 0.  _ Daichi continued his speech, “Just because you two are on desk duty doesn’t mean you aren’t an integral part of this well oiled machine. You may be competing for the same job, a full time position here as a paralegal like myself, but we also need to see that you can work with one another. The legal field is about working not just with clients, but with your entire legal team. Don’t treat this internship as a competition. Treat it as a stepping stone. Am I clear?”

“Yes sir!” Kageyama and Hinata nodded. When Kageyama realized they had responded in unison, he blushed and glared at his office mate. Not even an hour into his new job and he was already annoyed by his partner’s bubbly personality.  _ I should’ve just taken a job restocking the shelves at the campus library. _

“That’s the spirit!” Daichi smiled, oblivious to Kageyama’s adverse reaction to his and Hinata’s synchronicity, and proceeded to let them alone to start their work. 

Kageyama remembered the instructions for the first day were emailed to him a week prior. He opened up his computer and started working on his virtual introductory training module. The two newbies worked in silence for all of fifteen minutes before Hinata blurted out, “Isn’t this so cool Kageyama-kun? This is my first real job.” His bright, caramel eyes beamed.

“Yeah uh.. I guess,” Kageyama paused, debating the extent to which he would humor his colleague with conversation.  _ Learn to play nice,  _ Daichi’s words echoed in his head. “It’s my first real job too,” he admitted finally. He didn’t have to like Hinata, he decided, but it wouldn’t hurt to play into his coworker’s openness in order to benefit his standings with the firm.  _ I’ll show them nice. _

A few minutes passed in which Kageyama could tell the boy across from him was concocting some sort of scheme in his head. Frightening to say the least. “So the coffee was kind of a flop, but lucky for you I don’t give up easily,” Hinata said at last, his playful smirk and the glimmer in his eye indicated his seriousness, “let me buy you lunch? Anywhere you want, on me.” 

Kageyama chose his next words carefully. “Listen,” he started, “I know we’re supposed to be friendly to show that we are a good fit for the firm, but that doesn’t mean I want to be friends.” The way Hinata’s smirk quickly turned into a frown tugged at something inside Kageyama.  _ Stop it. Why are you letting him get to you? Stop.  _ Kageyama tried to shake off the disappointed look that had spread across Hinata’s face. 

“Okay. Sorry. I’ll let you get back to work then,” Hinata replied, clearly dejected.

Kageyama bit his lip, considering taking his harsh words back and agreeing to go out to lunch.  _ No,  _ he thought,  _ you have to stick to your guns. Show him this job is yours and you aren’t here to make friends.  _ After all, Kageyama had been dead set on getting into a prestigious law school ever since his freshman year of college. But since his high school grades didn’t get him accepted to any highly competitive schools for undergrad, he had to make up for his school's lack of acclaim with impressive extracurriculars. A job at one of the prefecture’s top law firms would surely give him a leg up, and if it meant giving Hinata the cold shoulder for a couple months, so be it. 

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully, with Daichi popping in to check on the pair of rookies every couple hours. He didn’t hear much from Hinata after shutting down his latest attempt at bonding over food, but Kageyama preferred it that way; it was almost like he was working alone. By the time he clocked out at 5:00, Kageyama had finished his virtual training and was eager to get on with the  _ real  _ work the following day. 

As Kageyama trod down the steps of the law office, a gust of cold wind pierced his cheeks and ruffled his already disheveled hair. He winced. It was getting colder earlier this year, and though he didn’t really mind, he set a hurried pace for his walk home, hoping to seek refuge indoors as soon as possible. Kageyama enjoyed the winter months, that is, when he was staying cooped up inside with his roommate and watching the weather change from the window of their cozy apartment. He found that the cold atmosphere outside was enchanting when you could observe it from the comfort of your heated living room, but when it touched your bare skin it was kind of miserable.

Kageyama’s apartment was situated just a ten minute walk from the heart of Karasuno’s campus, and about twenty from the law firm. He wasn’t typically an overly paranoid person, but today on his trek back home he got the feeling that someone was following him. When he was about half way home, he finally decided to turn around; it was a quick glance, but sure enough, he noticed that unmistakable mop of fiery hair just several paces behind him. 

He stopped walking, waiting for Hinata to catch up. “What are you doing here? Are you following me or something?” Kageyama spat as his office mate finally made eye contact. 

“I live this way...dumbass,” Hinata retorted, pausing midway as if internally debating whether or not he should match Kageyama’s attitude by curse at him. 

Kageyama huffed, taken aback by the insult. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been called a dumbass before, of course he had, no, this was a different kind of shock. He was surprised that he had roused such a strong reaction out of a cheery little thing like Hinata. They had only known each other for a day and already it was evident to Kageyama that his new partner was vastly different from himself. He was cold. Hinata was hot.  _ Wait fuck, no, hot as in the opposite of cold, not hot as in attractive.  _ He briefly shook his head to dismiss the notion that he would ever think of his irksome office mate in that context. After all, Kageyama wasn’t gay. In fact, he had a girlfriend. She confessed to him in his first year of high school, almost five years ago now. Things were just as they had always been with her: fine. “How are things going with Shimizu?” people would ask, and Kageyama would always respond, “fine.” He wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, she wasn’t the perfect girlfriend. But since neither of them expressed any concern with the relationship, they stayed together. 

By the time Kageyama snapped out of his nostalgia, they had reached the entrance to his apartment building. He thought about whether he should say anything to Hinata before they parted ways, worried that even a simple show of decency like saying “goodnight” would give the other boy the wrong idea. 

Before he could make up his mind, he heard Hinata shout from just behind him, “No way!” Kageyama spun around to see what had the redhead so riled up. “You live  _ here _ ?” 

Kageyama blinked, confused by Hinata’s sudden animation, “Uh.. yeah? Why, not what you expected?” 

“ _ I  _ live here,” Hinata crossed his arms, failing miserably at looking intimidating. Kageyama could tell his coworker was trying to imitate his aloof demeanor, perhaps to gain his respect. Either way, the boy’s height, crazy hair, and navy blue jacket with yellow stars on the elbows made it hard to take him seriously.

Kageyama groaned. He wasn’t necessarily surprised. The building was practically bursting with KU students that had fled the dorms after their freshman year, wanting to get wasted in the comfort of an apartment with no RA breathing down their neck. But he couldn’t help but wonder how he had never noticed such an obnoxious little dude around the building. Then again, he wasn’t particularly observant when it came to most things, especially people he’d rather ignore.

“What unit are you in?” Hinata pressed.

“You tell me first,” Kageyama raised an eyebrow, wary of the potential consequences of his response.

“312.”

Kageyama sucked in his lips before deciding to answer, “212.”  _ What’s the worst that could happen? _ He thought,  _ He knows I want nothing to do with him… Right? _

A smile spread across Hinata’s face, erasing the scowl that was there just moments ago, “Well I’ll see you tomorrow morning then, downstairs neighbor.” 

“Don’t be creepy,” Kageyama glared. 

* * *

“Tobio-chan you’re home!” Oikawa exclaimed from his usual spot on their tattered, olive green sofa as his roommate entered their tiny apartment. “How was the first day?” 

Kageyama grunted at the question as he removed his jacket and shoes at the door, then proceeded to plop down next to Oikawa on the couch. The latter paused the K-Drama he had been watching on the TV which, Kageyama could tell by the used tissues scattered around the coffee table, was one of those sappy romance shows.

“Bad then?” Oikawa flung an arm around Kageyama’s shoulder and rubbed it sympathetically. 

“I have a  _ partner  _ that I have to share my office with. We’re competing for the full summer position I guess.”

“Oh, Tobio!” Oikawa chuckled, “You can’t be surprised they didn’t give an intern his own office!” 

“I’m not! It’s just…It’s  _ who  _ my partner is,” Kageyama sighed.

“Is he pretty? I know pretty boys make you nervous,” Oikawa wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Kageyama just rolled his eyes, “First of all, I never said it was a guy. And second, I have a  _ girlfriend _ , Tooru.” 

Oikawa pursed his lips, unconvinced, “So who is he?”

“He’s our upstairs neighbor. Hinata Shoyo. Really short, crazy ginger hair. Know him?” 

Chocolate colored eyes widened at the mention that Kageyama’s new coworker lives so close, “I may have seen him around. He sounds cute, you should bring him down sometime!”

“Jesus, do you even hear yourself? Where’s Iwaizumi, anyway?” Kageyama removed Oikawa’s arm from behind his back and turned to face his roommate. 

Oikawa sighed dramatically. “He  _ was  _ here with me until he decided to go study at the library because apparently I’m ‘too distracting,’” he said, air quotes and all, “but I made him promise to bring us home some beer to celebrate your first day and to make up for being a shitty boyfriend!” He grinned, before realizing Kageyama had successfully shifted the subject away from himself. “Back to you, then. Tell me what’s so bad about your new work husband.”

Kageyama decided to ignore that last remark. Oikawa was always like this. Not only was he provocative by nature, he wanted his best friend to be gay so bad. Kageyama figured even if he was gay, Oikawa would be the last person he told, just to deprive him of the satisfaction. “He’s just…insufferable. I don’t know. He’s all energetic and cheerful and shit.” 

“Tobio, you’re helpless,” Oikawa shook his head, “it sounds like  _ you’re  _ the problem here. You really should learn to play nice with others.”

“Would you believe me if I told you that you aren’t the first person to tell me that today?”

“What’s so hard about it? All you have to do is not be an asshole.”

“Ha!” Kageyama cackled, “What do you know about not being an asshole?” 

“I know that bosses like to be the only asshole in the workplace. If you want that job, fall in line and be nice to chibi-chan,” Oikawa folded his arms in front of his chest with a smirk.

“I guess you’re probably right. But uh... I kinda feel like I already blew it with Hinata.” Oikawa looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to spill the details. “Fine. Uh.. I refused the coffee he brought me, refused when he offered to buy me lunch, and basically told him I don’t want to be friends,” Kageyama bit his lip and stared at the frozen scene of the K-Drama on the TV screen to avoid Oikawa’s judgemental gaze. His behavior that day sounded a lot worse when he said it out loud.

“Oh, Tobio!” Oikawa put a hand over his heart, “why so cruel to someone you just met? Have you no decency?”

“Shut up you ass. You weren’t even there.”

“Anyway,” Oikawa continued, “you have to turn this around, fast. I want you to waltz in there tomorrow all pleasant-like and offer to buy  _ him  _ lunch. Don’t take no for an answer. And  _ smile. _ ” Kageyama said nothing, just blinked at his roommate. “Say you’ll be nice to Hinata!” Oikawa commanded.

“Fine,” Kageyama sighed, “but just to be clear, I’m doing this for the  _ job _ , not him.”

“Ahem,” his roommate nudged him.

Kageyama rolled his eyes, “I will be nice to Hinata.”

Just then, the door to the apartment swung open and Iwaizumi appeared, six pack in hand. Oikawa rose and hurried over to greet his boyfriend with a kiss on the cheek, instantly losing interest in Kageyama’s work troubles. 

“It’s fucking cold out there,” Iwaizumi complained. 

“I’ll warm you up,” Oikawa replied with a wink, making the other boy blush. 

“Tone it down when we’re around other people,” Iwaizumi whispered.

“Iwa-chan, Tobio doesn’t count as other people! Come on now, I’m in the middle of a show,” he dragged Iwaizumi over to where he had been sitting on the couch. Oikawa sat in his boyfriend’s lap to avoid crowding Kageyama, who remained pouting on the other side of the couch. 

“It looks like you need a drink,” Iwaizumi remarked, passing Kageyama a can of beer.  Kageyama nodded in thanks, popped open the can, and began to sip.  _ It’s going to be a long year.  _


	2. Lunch With a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama invites Hinata out to lunch to make up for his shitty behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! I just wanted to preface this chapter by telling you all that while this story is set in Japan, I don't really understand the Japanese education/college system so I apologize if it's super Americanized. Enjoy the chapter!

Tuesday had always been Kageyama’s least favorite day of the week. It filled him with dread to think that the week had just started and yet already felt like it had been dragging on forever. This week was particularly exhausting for him as he now had to balance his alternating schedule of interning at the law firm and attending classes at KU every other day. Since it was a school sanctioned internship, it didn’t interfere with his classwork, just added to the load.  _ Why did I do this to myself?  _ He smushed his face deeper into his pillow, putting off getting out of bed.  _ I should just admit defeat. Drop out, and get a job bussing tables at the local diner. Of all careers.. Why did I choose one that requires so much  _ school _? _

“Get your lazy ass up, sleeping beauty, you’re going to be late,” from the next room, Kageyama could hear Iwaizumi’s attempts to rouse Oikawa, who was even less of a morning person than he was. __

“Iwaaaaaaa,” Oikawa simply groaned in response.

Kageyama came to the conclusion that he wasn’t going to be able to get any more sleep that morning and finally rolled out of bed. The wood floor was cold on his feet and helped him kick his ass into gear; he threw on a burgundy crewneck sweatshirt and some dark jeans in lieu of the business casual attire he donned for his day at the office. On his way to the kitchen to make his morning coffee, he glanced into the other bedroom and saw Iwaizumi literally trying to drag his boyfriend out of bed. The living room littered with empty beer cans confirmed it was definitely going to be a rough morning for his roommate. Kageyama had turned in after just the one, knowing he had an early class and not wanting to risk another bad day just because of a stupid hangover. Oikawa’s self control was lacking at times. 

Kageyama started up the coffee maker and tidied up the living room while he waited for it to brew. He and Oikawa were always looking out for each other in little ways like that. Their relationship thrived on these small gestures when communication was unfavorable. Kageyama picking up the used tissues and beer cans that Oikawa left in the living room was him saying, “thanks for the advice even though I’m not sure you’re qualified.” The boys had met in their middle school volleyball club, and even though Oikawa was older, they became increasingly close over the years. Oikawa was magnetic, Kageyama was mundane. He honestly didn’t understand what it was that drew Oikawa to him, but he thanked the stars that he had stayed all this time. 

The coffee maker beeped as Kageyama placed the bag of trash he just collected by the door to be taken out. He produced three thermoses from the cabinet and filled them with steaming coffee, then added cream: some for him, a  _ lot  _ for Oikawa, none for Iwa. 

Just then, Oikawa and Iwaizumi emerged from the hallway, the former’s hair a tangled mess from sleeping and the latter looking like he needed the coffee most out of all of them. Putting up with Oikawa could have that effect sometimes. 

“Morning, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa smiled, taking his cup from the counter and warming his hands. The cold air somehow always found its way into their apartment, making that first sip of hot coffee in the morning all the more blissful. “You didn’t forget your mission for today, did you?” 

Kageyama’s puzzled expression was enough of an answer for Oikawa.

He shook his head in disbelief at Kageyama’s inattention. “You have to ask chibi-chan to lunch!” 

“Oh uh..about that,” Kageyama fidgeted with the lid of his coffee cup, avoiding eye contact, “I don’t actually have work again until tomorrow so--”

“Details, Tobio,” Oikawa rolled his eyes before shooting Kageyama a devilish grin, “next time you see him then. You know where he lives. Say it.” 

Kageyama sighed and gave in, “Next time I see him.”

* * *

Kageyama was hoping to have a little time to wrap his head around how he was going to convince Hinata to go out to lunch with him after he had been so unpleasant before. When he walked into his Astro 120 class at 8:55 that morning, his hope was quickly crushed by the sight of Hinata’s telltale mess of ginger hair in the middle of the lecture hall.  _ Shit,  _ he thought to himself as he made his way to one of the only remaining seats, which just happened to be right across the aisle from Hinata.  _ How did I never notice he was in this class? Am I really that oblivious?  _ Kageyama’s plan was to avoid eye contact until the end of class when he could hurry out of the lecture hall and fail to mention this encounter to Oikawa. 

“Kageyama?” A familiar voice drifted across the gap between his seat and Hinata’s, “I didn’t know you were in this class.”

Kageyama signed,  _ alright time for plan B.  _ “Yeah uh…I didn’t know you were in it either,” he cringed at his own awkwardness, “so um.. I know what I said yesterday but I was wondering if you--”

“Good morning everyone!” Professor Takeda addressed the group, interrupting Kageyama’s lame attempt at reconciliation. At least now he would have the rest of class to actually plan how he was going to spit out his proposition. Kageyama was very meticulous in that way. He often opted not to speak out of preoccupation with saying the wrong thing. He knew this was something he would have to work on if he was going to be a big shot lawyer. At present he could hardly determine the right words even after careful consideration. He had to learn not only to think eloquently, but to do so on his feet. “Today we are going to be delving into cosmology: the study of the origins and evolution of the universe,” Takeda continued, “famous American astronomer, Carl Sagan once said, and you  _ might  _ want to pay attention to this, ‘ The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars,’” he paused and he glanced around the room with that twinkle in his eye that he gets whenever he’s really into whatever he’s talking about, “‘We are made of starstuff.’”

The professor went on to explain that  stars are like nuclear reactors. They take hydrogen and turn it into helium, and helium gets turned into carbon, nitrogen and oxygen, iron and sulfur, and so on, all the elements that make up everything. When stars die, they swell up and fall together again, throwing off their outer layers. If a star is heavy enough, it will explode in a supernova . So we have stuff in us as old as the universe and some stuff that landed on Earth just a hundred years ago. It all mixes in our bodies. 

For once, Kageyama actually paid attention in astronomy class. He was only taking the course to fulfill his natural science credit requirement with an easy A, but thinking about the vastness of the universe was instantly captivating to the boy who had always felt kind of alone in the world. The downside of this: he had completely forgotten his original intentions of scripting out his next words to Hinata. 

“And so before we go, please humor me by listening to one more Sagan quote,” Takeda cleared his throat, ‘You're an interesting species. An interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other.’ Thank you for your time today, have a good rest of your week!” And just like that, students began to pour haphazardly out of the lecture hall like water out of a floodgate. 

_ Maybe Hinata forgot that I had been cut off mid-sentence,  _ Kageyama thought wishfully, noticing the redhead had already vacated his desk. Unfortunately, as Kageyama exited the building, he ran into his coworker, who had been waiting for him outside. 

“Hey, Kageyama! I’m glad I caught you,” Hinata chimed as Kageyama approached, “what were you saying before class started?”

“Oh uh.. I was just wondering if you would let me um.. Buy you lunch?” Kageyama forced the words out, fidgeting with his hands to avoid the other boy’s intent stare, “I know I was a dick the other day and I.. I’m sorry. I got caught up worrying about the whole competition thing that Daichi hit us with and I took it out on you. That wasn’t cool, so let me make it up to you?”

Hinata easily detected the fluster in Kageyama’s voice, made even more apparent from the bright blush that had spread across his cheeks. “Of course you can buy me lunch. Only a dumbass would turn down an offer like that,” he smirked, placing his hands on his hips. 

Kageyama’s expression hardened at the mockery. “Are you heading home now?” He was really asking if they should walk back to their building together, and a part of him found himself longing to do so.  _ Fixing things,  _ Kageyama reminded himself,  _ not renovating. Don’t seem so eager. _

“Not yet, I have another class across campus first. Ends at 11:30.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you outside the apartment building at noon, then.”

Hinata nodded and they parted ways, Kageyama heading in one direction and Hinata in the other.

In late October the temperature was supposed to drop like the leaves off of the trees, but today it was unseasonably warm. Kageyama found himself regretting not layering a t-shirt under his crewneck that morning. He also found himself daydreaming about whether Hinata could control the weather. Everything about Hinata radiates  _ warmth;  _ the way he looks at Kageyama with his luminous brown eyes, the way his unruly ginger hair sticks out from his head like it has a life of its own, and most of all the way his entire face lights up when his mouth moves into that huge smile, wider than Kageyama had ever seen anyone smile before. Surely the little guy had something to do with the sun beating down a little harder that day.

* * *

Kageyama, unprepared and unwilling to deal with his roommate’s intrusions at the moment, was relieved to come home to an empty apartment. Oikawa had class and Iwaizumi was probably at the library. The latter was trying to get into medical school, so he was constantly busting his ass; this was unfortunate for Oikawa, who thrives on attention, especially from his boyfriend. 

Worry began to chew at Kageyama, as it always did before new things, strange things, or social things, of which his current situation with Hinata was all of the above. He decided he wasn’t going to be able to use the hour and a half until noon to catch up on school work. Too distracted. Instead, he opted for stalking his office mate on social media.  _ If I can figure out what kinds of things he likes, I can be less awkward at lunch,  _ he thought, trying to justify his actions to himself. Kageyama opened the Instagram app on his phone and typed “Hinata Shouyou” into the search bar. Even from the tiny pictures, he quickly spotted a profile picture with Hinata’s characteristic hair and clicked. 

Hinata’s bio was just a series of emojis. An orange, a shining star, a volleyball, a smiling face with a cowboy hat, and a peace sign. Kageyama squinted, perplexed,  _ what the hell is that supposed to mean?  _ He tapped on the most recent post, an image of Hinata and a boy with mid length bleached hair that had grown out to reveal his dark brown roots with a caption that was just more emojis: two of the little purple pixel guys.  _ Who is he?  _ Luckily, Hinata had tagged the other boy in the photo. Kageyama navigated to his profile,  _ Kozume Kenma _ . His bio simply read, “if found please return to KT,” which, based on Kageyama’s brief investigation, referred to Kuroo Tetsurou, who seemed to be his boyfriend.  _ More gays. Is Hinata gay too?  _ Kageyama wondered. He returned to Hinata’s page and came to the conclusion that Kenma was likely his roommate.  _ He probably likes girls. I mean.. My roommates are gay and  _ I’m _ not gay. Not like it matters anyway. Not like I care about Hinata’s love life.  _ He scrolled further down Hinata’s page, back to his high school days.  _ Of course Hinata is the type to not delete old posts, no matter how cringey they are in retrospect.  _ There were a lot of pictures with a mousy blonde girl who wore part of her hair up in a little side ponytail. There they were in a school gymnasium, eating pork buns, watching the sunset, laughing, on a train.  _ Looks like they used to be close. Girlfriend?  _ Kageyama stared into the girl’s big brown eyes,  _ But what happened between them that was bad enough that they don’t see each other anymore, but not so bad that Hinata felt the need to delete their old pictures off his page?  _ Unfortunately, his investigation hit a dead end because shel was not tagged in any of the photos. He was not so desperate as to look through all of the 1,000 accounts Hinata was following to see if there was any sign of the mystery girl. Instead, Kageyama closed the app, at which point he checked the time. 11:45.  _ Jeez,  _ he thought, mildly embarrassed by the amount of time he had spent poking around Hinata’s page. Time flies when you get sucked into the subtle intricacies of someone’s online life. 

Kageyama rushed around the apartment; trading his sweatshirt for a t-shirt and windbreaker, reapplying deodorant, and smoothing his hair, which had been ruffled by the Autumn breeze that lingered despite the warmth that hung in the air. For a while he was able to forget about his nervousness, push it to the side by focusing his attention on Hinata’s online presence. Now the quiver in his hands and the rapid pumping of his heart made it painfully clear that it was back.  _ Stop it,  _ Kageyama told himself,  _ it’s not like this is a date or anything. Just a second chance at a first impression. Don’t fuck it up  _ again.

* * *

Hinata was already there waiting, his small frame leaning against the brick of the apartment building when Kageyama walked out the front door. “Hello again, Kageyama,” he greeted his coworker with a nod.

“Hi,” Kageyama muttered, trying to keep his voice steady so Hinata wouldn’t pick up on his tenseness, “do you uh… have a preference about where we eat?” 

“I’m sure wherever you want is fine,” Hinata smiled. He was trying to be nice, even though Kageyama had been so awful to him. 

_ Reciprocate his kindness, try to be warm like him,  _ Kageyama told himself. “Well it’s nothing special, but my go to spot is Ukai’s Diner. Do you know it?” 

“Of course I know it, dummy! That’s a campus favorite,” his voice was playful, even when he called the other boy a name. This was perplexing to Kageyama.

“Duh. Why wouldn’t you know about it,” Kageyama shook his head in disbelief at his social clumsiness, “so um.. Shall we?” He gestured in the direction of the diner, which was about a ten minute walk from the building. Hinata nodded and they set off down the pavement.

At first they walked alongside each other without saying a word. Kageyama didn’t know how to act around new people, especially one on one. Conveniently, Hinata finally broke the silence after a few minutes. “Do you live with anybody?” 

Kageyama was thankful for the simple questions. He didn’t like talking about himself much, but objective facts he could handle. “Yeah I have two roommates. Oikawa and Iwaizumi. They’re uh… together,”  _ The tricky part _ , he decided,  _ is how much detail to give as to not seem too obnoxious or too reserved.  _

“Oh,” Hinata remarked, as if something Kageyama said had piqued his interest. “Yeah, I just have one roommate. Kozume. Most people call him Kenma though. We aren’t together,” he said. Kageyama didn’t know how to respond, and Hinata caught on to his confusion. “I don’t know why I said that last part,” he added frantically, “it just went with what you said.”

“Mm,” Kageyama nodded in understanding.  _ Ah yes, saying weird things, now  _ that  _ is something I can relate to.  _ In all seriousness, Kageyama was kind of glad to see his partner get flustered like that; it made him seem more human, more like Kageyama. He relaxed a bit, releasing some of the tension from his shoulders. They didn’t make any more attempts at small talk for the rest of the way to the restaurant.

When they arrived, they were met by Sugawara, a KU student who always worked part time as the host at the diner. Since just about everyone on campus ate at the diner, just about everyone knew Suga; for a lot of students, he was the go-to guy for good advice. Kageyama had always been too nervous to ask him about personal issues though, always falling back on Oikawa or, more reliably, Iwaizumi when he needed guidance.

“Hey Hinata, Kageyama!” Suga beamed as they approached the counter. 

“Hi!” Hinata reciprocated. Kageyama simply nodded in return.

“I didn’t know you two knew each other,” Suga said, grabbing two menus and leading them toward a booth in the corner of the restaurant, which was relatively quiet on this Tuesday afternoon.

The boys exchanged glances, then Hinata remarked, “we just started working together at the Miyagi Law Firm!” Kageyama was glad his partner had been doing all the talking so far, but beginning to feel like a bit of an idiot for just standing there nodding the whole time.

Suga placed the menus on the table and they took their seats opposite each other in the booth. “That’s nice! You know, Mr. Ukai the attorney is the heir to this diner. His grandfather, the owner, tells us all about how disappointed he is in his grandson for leaving the family business,” Suga glanced around to make sure old man Ukai hadn’t overheard, even though he was nowhere to be seen. “Anyway, Asahi will be with you shortly, enjoy!” With this, he waltzed back to the front of the restaurant. 

“Being a lawyer sure beats working in a diner, don’t you think?” Hinata whispered across the table.

“I think every job is important. Being a lawyer is my dream right now though,” Kageyama picked up his menu and began to skim through the lists as if he wasn’t going to order the same thing he always got.

“I think lawyers are awesome,” Hinata grinned, and then his expression dampened, “but I don’t think I’d be a very good one. I’m terrible at arguing.”

“If you don’t want to be a lawyer, why did you take an internship at a law firm?” 

“Because I don’t know what I want yet!” Hinata blushed. Making his seemingly confident coworker react like that made something inside Kageyama itch.

“We’re in college! When did you plan on figuring it out? What are you even majoring in?” Kageyama pressed, careful not to come off too aggressive.

“Currently? Psychology. But I’ve changed my mind about three times already,” Hinata said. He narrowed his eyes, “but if I wanted a lecture about my future I would have just called my mom!”

“Okay, you’re right. Let’s talk about something else,” Kageyama conceded. He tried to think of a new topic. Evidently his earlier plan of using Hinata’s Instagram to gauge his interests backfired because all of the questions Kageyama had about his partner were things he couldn’t just come out and say.  _ Who was that blonde girl you used to be friends with?  _ And  _ are you gay?  _ Weren’t really appropriate conversation starters. He couldn’t even mention volleyball without giving away the fact that he’d looked into Hinata’s social media. 

Kageyama’s thought process was interrupted by a perfectly timed approach from Asahi, another KU student who waited tables at the diner. “Hey guys,” Asahi smiled cheerfully, “what can we get started for you today?” 

Kageyama ordered his usual and Hinata said, “I’ll have the same, please.” Kageyama raised an eyebrow, but shook it off and continued formulating his next move.

“I’ll have that right up!” Asahi took their menus and retreated back into the kitchen.

“What uh… what kinds of things do you do outside of school, then?” He decided to ask.  _ Please say volleyball, please say volleyball,  _ he stared at Hinata, willing the words to come out of his mouth.

“Well I play a lot of video games with Kenma. He streams on Twitch sometimes. Oh! I’m also on a rec volleyball team with some other guys from school.”

_ Yes. I can work with this.  _ “Volleyball? I used to play too. Setter,” Kageyama mentioned proudly.

“ _ Setter!  _ That’s so cool! I’m a middle blocker,” Hinata exclaimed, “I know what you’re thinking.  _ Aren’t you a little short for that?  _ Well, you should see me jump!” Kageyama chuckled at this comment. Hinata chimed in again, “Hey! You should come play with us some time.”

“Oh uh.. No thanks, I’m sure you’ve noticed I’m not really good with people,” Kageyama fidgeted with his hands in his lap, “and besides, I haven’t played since high school.”

Hinata laughed, “Don’t let that stop you! It’s chill, I promise. Come to practice next week. I’ll protect you!”

Kageyama knew that last part was a joke, but it made his brain go fuzzy. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

“Yes!” Hinata clapped triumphantly.

Kageyama rolled his eyes.

They fell into an awkward silence, something Kageyama didn’t know how to break without making the situation worse. It didn’t matter though, because Hinata finally piped up again after a few minutes of Kageyama looking around the diner in an effort to avoid eye contact. “Kageyama?” He asked.

“Hm?” He was certain he wasn’t going to enjoy any conversation that he had to be eased into like that, but he didn’t really have a choice but to go with it.

“You can trust me, okay?” Hinata assured him. 

“I--” Kageyama wanted to burst into flames. This was supposed to be a casual lunch between coworkers.  _ What did I do to make him say that to me?  _

Once again, Asahi came in with impeccable timing. “Here’s your food,” he said, placing identical meals in front of both boys, “enjoy!” They thanked him and he disappeared to another table.

Before Kageyama could collect his thoughts, Hinata spoke again. “I just get this vibe that you have a hard time opening up to people and I want you to know that you can relax a little. I’m here because I want to get to know my new partner, nothing more, nothing less.”

“Are you.. saying you want to be friends?” Kageyama was still unaccustomed to the notion that some people can just say whatever they’re thinking to anyone who will listen, and he was a little irritated that Hinata had been able to read him so well. He did have a hard time trusting people and opening up. He valued normalcy and predictability, and these values were threatened by the introduction of new people.

Hinata smirked at him, “is that okay with you?”

“I guess,” Kageyama shifted the rice around in his bowl, “yeah.”

“Okay great, so now that we’re friends you can stop being awkward around me, alright?” 

“Dumbass,” Kageyama was the one blushing this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading to the end of chapter 2! I have a plan for each chapter and I think I will definitely be able to see this fic all the way to the end :) Also: all the sciency stuff about stars and supernovas was drawn mainly from this National Geographic article: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/news/2015/01/150128-big-bang-universe-supernova-astrophysics-health-space-ngbooktalk/#close . I haven't learned about that stuff since middle school (I'm a freshman in college now) so I needed some support lol. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying the story!


	3. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guessed it! It's Halloween and Kageyama has plans with Shimizu and Hinata.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I hope everyone is having a safe holiday season so far if you have been celebrating. This chapter ended up being a little longer than the first two so I hope you don't mind ;)

**Wed, Oct 28, 10:38 PM**

**Shimizu Kiyoko:** Kageyama

 **Kageyama Tobio:** yes?

 **Shimizu Kiyoko:** Are we still on for our traditional Halloween date this year?

 **Kageyama Tobio:** i planned on it

 **Kageyama Tobio:** why wouldn’t we

 **Shimizu Kiyoko:** We’ve just both been so busy lately..

 **Kageyama Tobio:** are you saying you don’t think we should

 **Shimizu Kiyoko:** No, not at all. I just didn’t want to add to your worries if you were already overwhelmed with classes and your new internship and what not. 

**Kageyama Tobio:** you don’t overwhelm me, k

 **Kageyama Tobio:** you make everything feel normal. tbh i kinda need that rn

 **Shimizu Kiyoko:** It’s a date <3

 **Kageyama Tobio:** yeah :)

* * *

Before Kageyama knew it, Halloween had arrived. It was on a Saturday this year, which should have excited him. After all, he had more time to spend with Shimizu instead of their usual quiet dinner date when Halloween fell on a weekday. Instead, Kageyama couldn’t help but think about what Hinata would be doing. At the office the day before, Hinata had said he and his roommate were hosting a small Halloween get together and told Kageyama he should stop by if he got a chance. He intended to take his coworker up on that offer after he dropped Shimizu off at home that night.

Kageyama’s plan was to arrive at Shimizu’s apartment around 2:00, at which point they would commence their binge of the latest season of their favorite American crime drama: Law & Order; then, they would pick up a pizza and some Halloween sweets and go to the park for a picnic. He never really got the hang of the whole romance thing, but with Shimizu simple was enough. Oikawa liked to tell Kageyama that his relationship with her was like a business agreement, which, he was willing to admit, wasn’t totally off base. They always scheduled when they would spend time together and on which days. Kageyama would always go to Shimizu’s place because she didn’t like to come to his apartment. He didn’t have a problem with this because he’d rather not be around her and Oikawa at the same time anyway, since his roommate had no filter and the tendency to be judgemental. Kageyama would leave promptly at the previously determined time, and if he was lucky, return home to an empty living room, which meant that his roommates were either 1) out, 2) asleep, or 3) doing X-rated things in their room. 

Just then, Oikawa burst into Kageyama’s room. “Happy Halloween Tobio-chan!” He cheered. _Speak of the Devil._ Oikawa was only ever this awake in the morning on his favorite holidays: Halloween and his birthday, which he loved for the same reason: attention. On Halloween, Oikawa would always don some provocative get up and force Iwaizumi to dress up in a costume that complemented his. This year, as he had informed Kageyama weeks prior, they were going as a nurse and her patient. Yes that’s right, _her_ patient; Oikawa was also into cross-dressing because it makes him feel pretty or something. “What are your plans today my lonely, lonely friend?” He asked, his charming voice making him all the more irritating to Kageyama. 

Kageyama sat up in bed with a scowl, “Actually, I have plans with two whole people today so I’d watch your mouth if I were you.” 

“Ooh, feisty this morning, aren’t we?” Oikawa wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, “that’s the spirit Tobio!”

He sent a pillow flying into his roommate’s face.

“I hope this isn’t your idea of playing nice. Tell me more about these plans of yours,” he prodded as he fell onto the bed next to Kageyama.

“Well you know I’m hanging out with Shimizu this afternoon,” Kageyama started. For some reason, he didn’t want to tell Oikawa about his plans with Hinata. He felt like he was going to get judged. 

“And?”

Kageyama bit his lip, “And Hinata kind of invited me to his Halloween party tonight so I was thinking--”

“Yes Tobio-chan!” Oikawa squealed like a teenage girl, “get in there!”

“Oh my God, dumbass, it’s just a friendly get together,” he rolled his eyes.

“So why aren’t you taking Shimizu? Or me?” He asked, a little too smug.

“It’s just a small get together!”

“You literally called it a party a second ago.”

Kageyama blushed, unable to think of a good comeback.

“The truth is that you don’t want your girlfriend to meet your new guy crush,” Oikawa smirked.

“I’m not gay, Tooru.”

“Yeah neither are me and Iwa-chan, we just suck each other off as bros,” he said sarcastically.

“I have never sucked anyone off,” Kageyama remarked, immediately realizing what a terrible argument that was. 

Finally, Oikawa stood up to leave the room, “Tobio please, spare me the tragedy that is your sex life.”

Another pillow hit him in the back on his way out, to which he turned around and glared at his roommate, who had already rolled over to go back to sleep.

* * *

At 2:00, Kageyama knocked on the door of Shimizu’s apartment. _Right on schedule_. She opened the door for him and he was greeted with the smell of vanilla and pumpkin, Shimizu’s favorite fall candle scent, as he stepped inside. The apartment was immaculate as always, with everything tucked neatly in its place. 

“Happy Halloween, my dear,” Shimizu smiled warmly, squeezing Kageyama’s shoulder as he slid off his shoes.

“Yes, happy Halloween to you too,” he smiled back at her, comforted by the way he was able to relax upon entering her home. At his place, he was always dodging Oikawa’s criticisms and drama queen antics, as well as the constant bickering or “making up” with Iwaizumi. Here, he knew that Shimizu wouldn’t ask him questions he didn’t want to answer or try to convince him that deep down he’s actually gay. When Kageyama and Shimizu were together there were no surprises and there was no fighting, there was simply laying together on her couch watching movies and discussing their week over a quiet dinner. The kind of thing Kageyama looked forward to after a week like this, where things felt like they were starting to get... _complicated_ … in ways he couldn’t put into words. 

The couple migrated to the couch, where they cuddled up under fuzzy blankets that smelled of lavender detergent, and turned on the TV. As an aspiring lawyer, Kageyama loved crime shows. He felt as if he was able to get a taste of what his future might look like, though he knew it was glamorized for television, which sucked some of the reality out of it. Shimizu was a business major, but she enjoyed watching the shows too, and not just to please her boyfriend. They had agreed early on to not be fake with each other, even if it came to small things like pretending to like a TV program. 

Each of them being the type to hate when someone talked over the TV, they were mostly silent during the hours that they spent watching Law & Order. Still, Kageyama relished in the escape that being there with Shimizu provided him. Feeling her soft hand resting in his and the gentle weight of her head on his shoulder melted Kageyama’s worries and allowed him to pour his attention into that moment. Well…not all of his attention. _Shit..I don’t have a costume for Hinata’s party tonight,_ was followed by _Fuck, why are you thinking about Hinata right now?_ Then, _No, no,_ costume. _I was thinking about_ costume, _NOT Hinata,_ and finally, _But what_ am _I going to wear though?_

“Are you okay, Tobio?” Shimizu looked up at him, concerned.

 _God dammit._ “Yeah, yeah. Fine,” he tried and failed at sounding convincing, “just stressed about work.” _That’s not technically a lie, right? Hinata = work? Right? Yeah._

“We can cut our date short if you have things to get done,” she assured him, “don’t let me get in the way of your job.”’

“No, no,” he ran his fingers through her long, jet black hair, “I want to be here with you.”

She nodded and went back to how they were just before, although this time Kageyama did a better job of hiding his wandering mind. They remained this way until 6:00, when they agreed it was time for dinner. 

“I’ll call in the order,” Shimizu offered, dialing the number to Karasuno Pizza, the 24 hour go-to pizza joint of any and every KU student. They always ordered the same thing: a round pizza with sausage, onion, and green pepper. 

After the order was placed, they prepared themselves for the walk through the cold evening air and headed out the door. 

“Can I hold your hand?” Kageyama asked, wishing he had gloves.

“Of course,” Shimizu replied, taking his much larger hand in her small one.

They walked like this all the way to the pizza place, observing the Halloween decorations that had been strewn around downtown. Karasuno Pizza was adorned with huge fake spiders clinging to the brick on the exterior of the building, with fake cobwebs lining the tables and the counters inside. 

“How appetizing,” Shimizu whispered to her boyfriend as they made their way to the front.

They collected their pizza and each picked out a Halloween cookie from the display by the cash register. A ghost for Kageyama and a witch for Shimizu. 

“Are you sure you want to eat outside in this weather?” Shimizu asked as they exited the establishment, the wind whipping her hair in every direction.

“I guess we should just go back to yours,” Kageyama agreed. 

They sighed in relief as they reentered Shimizu’s apartment, escaping the cold outside. Shimizu went to turn on the fireplace while Kageyama laid out two place settings opposite each other at the kitchen table. Finally, they sat down to eat.

“So,” Shimizu started as she transferred a slice of pizza from the box to her plate, “how’s the new internship going? You haven’t said much about it.”

It’s true that Kageyama had been a little more distant since he started his new job that week. “It’s great,” he nodded nonchalantly, “I’m actually competing with another intern for a summer position.”

“A competition you say? Are you behaving yourself?” She knew all about Kageyama’s competitive side. 

“I am,” he assured her, “he lives right above me and I’m going to his Halloween get together tonight. It’s just something lowkey and I thought it would be good for bonding.”

“Kageyama Tobio bonding on his own accord,” she grinned, “now that’s something you don’t see everyday.” 

“Oh, be quiet,” he glared. Though they both knew he wasn’t seriously mad at her; she was right after all, it was out of character for Kageyama to take initiative in a relationship. Or to take interest in anyone at all. Even within his established relationships, Kageyama was more or less just along for the ride. He didn’t let new people into his life, they had to drag him into theirs. What made Hinata Shouyou different?

* * *

Kageyama left Shimizu’s at 8:00 to get home in time for Hinata’s party, which was set to begin at 9:00. He figured Hinata might be the type to shame anyone who showed up without a costume so he was determined to throw something together before he made his way upstairs. 

Upon entering his apartment, he could tell that Oikawa and Iwaizumi were already out for the night. _I guess I’ll have to wait until he posts on Instagram to see this year’s costume._ Then, Kageyama noticed a plastic grocery bag on the table with a note beside it. It read, “I got this for you in case you changed your mind and decided to join us tonight. Even though you have your own plans this year (My Tobio-chan all grown up!) don’t you dare show up without a costume! ~Love, Tooru~”. Kageyama then looked in the bag and shook his head in disbelief at its contents; inside, he found a big, black, plastic plague doctor mask and a cheap party store top hat. _Oh my fucking God no way am I wearing this,_ he thought, leaving the bag where he found it and retreating to his room to look for something less…disturbing. 

Kageyama already knew he was boring, but sifting through his closet looking for something that screamed--no, something that even _whispered_ “Halloween” made him realize how truly sad his wardrobe was. He sighed and shut the closet doors. _Think, Tobio, think,_ and then it hit him, although he was not proud of what he was about to do: I guess I’ll try... _Oikawa’s room?_

Carefully, Kageyama pushed open the door to his roommates’ bedroom, almost scared of what he might find. He had been in there before, of course, but not on a mission that specifically called for seeking out something unusual to wear. Overall, the room was tidy. Iwaizumi kept Oikawa in check in that regard. Books alphabetized on the shelf, polaroids taped neatly on the closet doors, pale blue comforter tucked neatly around the edges of the bed frame. Kageyama knew that all of Oikawa’s past costumes, kept in a box under his bed, were a no-go because they were all promiscuous and well…flamboyant, so he ventured into the closet, which was expertly organized by color and considerably bigger than his because this room was meant to be shared. He didn’t want anything too flashy, so he started rooting through the blacks and navy blues. The first thing to catch his eye was a black wrap dress with white stars printed all over it. “You are made of starstuff,” Takeda’s words from that week’s lecture played in his head. Kageyama pulled the dress out to examine it, wondering, _Am I really about to give Oikawa the satisfaction of wearing a dress?_ And more importantly, _Am I really about to walk into Hinata’s apartment wearing a dress?_ By now he was beginning to run out of time, so he decided _Fuck it, yes I am._ To top off the look, he rummaged through Oikawa’s makeup, reserved for special occasions, and found a dark red lipstick. 

As he stared at himself in the mirror, Kageyama couldn’t help but be proud of his lipstick application skills, considering this was his first time wearing it. Then he began to actually _think_ about how he looked. _Everyone is going to think I’m gay. No question._ For a second he thought about wiping off the makeup, taking off the dress, and telling Hinata he wasn’t feeling well. _Fuck it, plenty of guys do drag for Halloween, right? And who cares what they think? I’m not going to make friends._ Then, he felt a pang of deja vu as he recalled the day he met Hinata. “ _I know we’re supposed to be friendly to show that we are a good fit for the firm, but that doesn’t mean I want to be friends,”_ he had said to his office mate. The first day they met, Kageyama had already convinced himself that he wasn’t going to like Hinata. _You idiot,_ his elbows dropped to the bathroom counter and he held his head in his hands, _why do you have to be like that? Why can’t you just believe in people a little more? Stop making people out to be awful before you even know them!_ He paused, taking a deep breath to clear his head. _Hinata is a genuine guy...or at least he seems to be. He invited_ you _to this party, because he sees something in you that you don’t. So, you’re going to walk in there and show him that you aren’t just a socially awkward asshole._

It was 9:00. Kageyama pulled himself together and laced up his black sneakers. He believed he could pull off the dress and the makeup, but he drew the line at heels. With all his personal shortcomings, he never struggled to make a fool of himself; he didn’t need to be tripping all over the place all night on top of that. Kageyama left his apartment and ascended the stairs to the third floor for the first time. He made his way down the corridor and knocked on the door to apartment 312. 

“Kageyama!” Hinata opened the door, revealing his pig costume, which consisted of a pale pink crop top, black skinny jeans, a headband with little pig ears, and a snout secured to his face by a string that wrapped around his head. “I’m glad you could make it,” he beamed, “and your outfit looks amazing! You’re the night sky, right?”

“Oh, uh…” Of course he had forgotten something. You don’t just throw on random clothes and call it a costume. _Dumbass! I just dressed like a girl, I totally forgot to actually_ be _something! Oh well. Night sky it is,_ “Yeah, like outer space. I like your costume too, it’s um...it’s cute.” _Why did I just call Hinata cute? What is wrong with me? I'm not even drunk yet._

“Thanks!” Hinata didn’t seem to think it was weird, so that was something. “Come on in,” he led Kageyama into the living room of the apartment, which had a pretty much identical layout to his own, though Hinata’s was much more lively. Little knick knacks and figurines lined the shelves and a rainbow flag hung on the wall. _That’s literally so gay. Hinata must be gay,_ Kageyama decided. _Not like there’s anything wrong with that._ _Not like I care._ When he entered, he was met with a handful of people sitting comfortably in a circle in the living room; this kind of took him by surprise, as he had anticipated every room would be overflowing with guests, based on the few other house parties he had attended. “The kitchen is through there,” Hinata gestured to the hall off the living room, “help yourself to a drink and some snacks!”

Kageyama nodded and proceeded to the kitchen, feeling a little awkward that he had just ignored everyone in the other room. On the counter there was a spread of bowls filled with various chips and sweets, along with several bottles of alcohol and mixers. After the pizza he shared with Shimizu, he decided to pass on the food. Instead, he grabbed a plastic cup; _well at least there’s one thing this party has in common with_ real _college parties,_ he thought to himself, filling it with cranberry juice and adding some vodka, _alcohol in disposable red cups._ As he poured his drink, he noticed the chatter in the living room had died down. Kageyama swore he could hear whispers, followed by a flustered “Shut up!” and then some giggling. _It’s probably nothing. Get out of your head and at least_ try _to have a good time._ He shook it off, sipped his drink, and went back into the living room. 

“Kageyama,” Hinata stood up as his coworker emerged from the kitchen, “Let me introduce you to some of my friends from the volleyball club!” He grabbed Kageyama by the wrist and pulled him into the center of the room, making him blush. He really did not enjoy being the center of attention. “Everyone, this is Kageyama, my friend from work,” there were some nods and smiles from the group, then Hinata began to go around the circle, “this is my roommate, Kenma and his boyfriend Kuroo,” he gestured to one of the couches, where the boy Kageyama knew from his Instagram, dressed up as Princess Peach ( _At least I’m not the only dude in a dress at this thing)_ was sitting on the lap of a larger boy with voluminous raven hair and a complementary Mario costume…”and this is Bokuto and Akaashi,” he turned to two boys holding hands on the couch, one had spiky black and white hair, thick eyebrows, and donned a suit, the other had messy black hair, a blank expression on his face, and wore a maid outfit…”and finally we have Yamaguchi and Nishinoya,” these two were sitting in separate beanbags, so Kageyama was pretty sure they weren’t a couple; the former was wearing a green dinosaur onesie and the latter a Pikachu costume. 

_Yeah I’m not gonna remember any of those names._ “Er..Hi everyone,” Kageyama waved awkwardly to the boys scattered around the room.

“You can sit next to me if you want,” Hinata said, sitting down on the couch next to Kuroo and Kenma. It was a little cramped, but Kageyama joined them on the couch, not knowing what else to do, “we were just going to play a game.”

“Never have I ever?” Yamaguchi’s eyes lit up.

“Dude,” Nishinoya looked over at him, “that game is basic and you always lose.”

“Do not!” Yamaguchi defended himself, ”and besides, we have a new friend here tonight. It would be a good way to get to know him!”

“How do you feel about that, Kageyama?” Hinata asked.

“That’s fine,” he responded, even though getting to know people wasn’t exactly his favorite pastime and he couldn’t help but think that if he knew there were only going to be seven other people at this party he probably wouldn’t have showed, let alone put on Oikawa’s dress and lipstick.

“Alright, if you’ve done the thing you have to drink,” Hinata explained. 

“Woo, never have I ever!” Yamaguchi cheered, “I’ll start! Never have I ever slept with anyone in this room.”

There were some eye rolls, followed by Kuroo, Kenma, Bokuto, and Akaashi all taking a swig from their cups. 

“Yams, don’t do things we all know about already,” Akaashi blushed, and Bokuto rubbed his knee to comfort him.

“Fine! Noya, go.”

Noya gave a contemplative glance around the crowd before stating, “never have I ever worn a dress.”

“Lame!” Kuroo declared, proudly taking a drink, along with literally everyone else in the room except Noya.

“What the hell? All of you? Really?” 

Hinata shrugged. “Kenma?” he had to prompt his roommate to look up from his phone.

“Never have I ever,” Kenma spoke in a soft voice, “lost at Mario Kart.”

“Hey, no fair!” Bokuto exclaimed, “everyone loses against you!” This time, everyone drank except Kageyama.

“Kageyama...You’ve never lost at Mario Kart either?” Hinata had this look of wonderment in his eyes as he looked up at the taller boy sitting leg to leg with him on the couch.

“I’ve never played,” he admitted, feeling even more out of place than he already had, “my friends aren’t that into video games.”

“Then we’ll have to play with you some time!” Yamaguchi smiled.

“You’re not gonna beat this little genius here, though,” Kuroo patted Kenma on the head. “Anyway, never have I ever received a lap dance,” his tone was suggestive, as if he were asking a specific someone in the room: Why haven’t I received a lap dance yet? Everyone understood. Akaashi, Noya, and Kageyama drank. _Dammit Oikawa._ One time they had gotten super drunk and Oikawa was in one of his “let’s prove to Kageyama that he’s gay” moods. 

“All of you stop trying to get Akaashi drunk!” Bokuto waved his finger around at the people who had already taken their turns, “I need him for something later!”

“Bo,” Akaashi was blushing harder now, “they didn’t need to know that.”

“Oookay,” Hinata moved on. “Never have I ever,” he paused, biting his lip as if he wasn’t so sure he should say what he was thinking, “been in love.”

 _So the blonde girl from his profile...Not a girlfriend? Maybe? I don’t know. I mean I’ve never said the magic words to Shimizu so I don’t think we’re like…_ In love, _in love. I don’t know. Ugh. Why do I care?_ Kageyama decided not to drink, meanwhile Bokuto, Akaashi, Kuroo, Kenma, and Yamaguchi all lifted their cups. 

“Oh, how sweet,” Noya deadpanned, “but for real...can we do something else now?”

“Yeah, okay,” Hinata agreed, “movie?” 

There was a series of approving noises from the rest of the group. _Thank God,_ Kageyama thought, _I had no clue what to say for my turn._

“Can we watch _Train to Busan_?” Kenma suggested.

“Isn’t that scary?” Bokuto asked.

“Don’t worry, dear, I’ll protect you,” Akaashi smiled a little. 

“It’s awesome we have to watch it,” Noya nodded.

“Good enough for me,” Kuroo announced, grabbing the TV remote and navigating to the movie while Akaashi got up to switch off the lights.

Kageyama enjoyed horror movies as much as the next guy, but he couldn’t get his mind off of what Hinata had said. “ _Never have I ever been in love_ .” _Why does that surprise me? Why does it make me feel weird inside?_ Hinata, on the other hand, seemed to be quite on edge. He jumped every time anything remotely frightening or sudden happened, which was made extra lame by his pink pig getup. Kageyama chuckled and rolled his eyes, “It’s just a movie, dumbass.”

“I can’t help it!” Hinata whisper-yelled back at him.

Part way through the movie, Kageyama rose from his spot on the couch and escaped to the kitchen to refill his drink. He was taking his time, treasuring the few moments he had alone to breathe. That is, until Hinata appeared in the doorway. 

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” Kageyama continued pouring.

“Listen, I realized that this probably isn’t what you were expecting when I said ‘party’ and I just wanted to let you know that I would totally understand if you wanted to um...Leave,” Hinata rocked back and forth on his heels, “It won’t hurt my feelings or anything.”

“It’s hardly been an hour.”

“So..You want to stay?”

“Yes, idiot,” Kageyama said, twisting the cap back onto the bottle of vodka, “What else would I be doing right now? I already agreed to hangout with _you_.”

“I just thought maybe your roommates--”

“I can guarantee you my roommates are at a way cooler party. They’re probably wildly intoxicated and having sex in some stranger’s bed right now,” Kageyama looked Hinata right in the eyes, “but I put on lipstick for this so I’m staying.” 

“Okay,” Hinata seemed to relax, “I’m glad you’re here.”

Heat spread across Kageyama’s cheeks at this remark. “I--” _Oh_ God, _what do I say to that?_ “Thanks.” _That didn’t feel like the right thing to say, what was I supposed to say?_

Hinata grinned, and then the pair returned to the couch to finish the movie. At some point, the smaller boy had dozed off, his head resting tenderly on the other’s arm. In that moment, Kageyama reveled in the warmth radiating from Hinata’s body, ever so apparent when they were pressed up against each other; he was mesmerized by the boy’s soft deep breaths as he fell deeper and deeper into sleep, despite the blood curdling screams coming from the TV; and Kageyama realized, _this isn’t like being with Oikawa, and this isn’t like being with Shimizu. So what is this?_

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading until the end! As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and stay tuned for the next one. Feel free to comment any thoughts or suggestions! I really appreciate the support I have gotten so far, you guys are so sweet :)  
> ~IHA


	4. Is This It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thanks for coming back to my story. Sorry this chapter took a little longer to write <3

As the weeks passed, Kageyama got more comfortable calling Hinata his friend. Sure, they had labelled themselves as such quite early on, but he wasn’t used to having people like this in his life. Although Kageyama considered Oikawa to be his closest friend, it was like they were each in their own orbits that happened to intersect at certain points. They coexisted and took care of each other, but mostly they were just doing their own things, except they did it in the same space. Meanwhile, Hinata was so magnetic that he pulled everyone around him into his own orbit. He dragged Kageyama along to volleyball practice, to play video games, to hang out with their teammates, to eat lunch with him at work. Never in his life had Kageyama seen someone show this much enthusiasm about doing  _ anything _ with him. 

Sure enough, Hinata had actually followed up on the Mario Kart proposal from the Halloween party. Kageyama, Hinata, Kenma, and Kuroo all huddled in front of the TV to play on Kenma’s Wii one Sunday afternoon, when they all definitely should have been doing class work. Kageyama decided to play as Dry Bones, and he fared pretty well, for a beginner. Alas, he was still no match for Kenma as Princess Peach, and even Hinata as Toad and Kuroo as Baby Mario had a bit of an edge on him.  _ Fuck Rainbow Road,  _ was the main conclusion Kageyama arrived at during their session. 

Kageyama still refused to invite Hinata over to his apartment, however. The apartment was part of the shell around him that had hardened over the years as he became increasingly protective of maintaining the status quo he had set for his life. Kageyama was extremely hesitant to change, and though Hinata’s alluring properties seemed to overpower him somewhat, he was not going to let this boy crack his protective armor so easily. Out in the world, Kageyama could convince people that they didn’t really know him. In his eyes, however, letting someone into his apartment was just as frightening as letting someone into his head or his heart. Hinata had already weaseled his way into Kageyama’s head, and that was as far as he would allow him to go. 

These are the kinds of thoughts that sometimes bounced around inside Kageyama’s head during his usual walk to work. Hinata often joined him after they realized that walking in the autumn chill is a little more bearable with someone by your side, even if Kageyama was always stuck in his own head and Hinata was always blabbering on about volleyball or video games or food or what an idiot Kageyama was. 

“You’re coming to practice after work, right?” Hinata asked as they approached the office building. 

“Dumbass, you say that like I have a choice,” Kageyama didn’t let on how much he actually enjoyed Hinata’s company. The interest the smaller boy had taken in him was perplexing to Kageyama.  _ I’m not special. My personality is sub-par, I’m not good at anything important, and I have excruciatingly poor social skills. I don’t even know why he wants me around. Do I tell him this or do I wait for him to figure it out on his own? Either way things end up the same as they were before: Nothing between us. _

Hinata smiled brightly at Kageyama and held the door open for him. Together they traipsed down the hall and into the elevator, then down another hall to their office. They took their usual seats across from each other at their desks. The place was beginning to feel like theirs. Hinata had furnished the surface of his desk with little figurines and knick knacks, like he had on the shelves in his living room. They had a small refrigerator where they kept yogurts and bananas. Sometimes they even played music in the background while they worked. The two were lucky to have such a lax boss. It made transitioning to the firm much more comfortable.

As he opened his laptop to begin the day’s tasks, Kageyama was distracted by the anticipation of the volleyball club practice later that day. He thought back to the first time he saw Hinata jump for a spike. It was the first time he had tagged along to practice, which took much convincing on Hinata’s part. He walked into the gym and was immediately hit with a wave of nostalgia. The sound of sneakers squeaking as they rubbed the waxy gym floor; the smell of sweat heavy in the air; the sight of balls flying in every direction as some players leapt and swung to practice their spikes while others tossed for themselves to perfect their serve. It all took him right back to his high school days when he would fight with Oikawa over who was the superior setter, and Iwaizumi would tell them that they were equally annoying. 

Some of the boys in the gym he recognized from Hinata’s party, others were completely new. By now, he knew all of them, but was still warming up to the concept of being a part of a team again. They started a scrimmage, in which Kageyama opted to watch instead of participate, claiming he didn’t want to interfere with their dynamic, but actually feeling rather intimidated by the skill and intensity he had observed in the few minutes since arriving.  _ I was good at volleyball. I was a prodigy. But that was years ago. I haven’t set foot on a court since my last high school tournament, and I am not about to make a fool of myself in front of all these guys who are way better than I anticipated. I need to know I’ve still got it before I challenge anyone.  _

A tall blonde boy that Kageyama didn’t recognize was first up to serve. He sent the ball over the net, which was effortlessly received by Noya, who was one of the club’s most skillful liberos. As Akaashi prepared for the toss, Kageyama tried to analyze the possible plays the team could make.  _ He could send it left to Bokuto, who seems like a strong hitter based on what I’ve already witnessed...Or right to the guy with the buzzcut...Or-- _

“Center!” Hinata called out, starting his run up. Kageyama’s eyes widened as he watched the little ball of fire leap well above the net and slam the ball through a gap in the other side’s blockers. Receivers dove to try and keep the rally going, but ultimately the ball was out of their reach, hitting the ground hard just beyond their fingertips.  _ Holy shit. He just fucking  _ flew. 

On the way back to their building, Kageyama had to ask: “What  _ was  _ that back there?”

“Oh,” Hinata chuckled proudly, “My spike?” Kageyama nodded. “Well, I’m not naturally tall like the other spikers, I have to get up there in some other way. So I fly. Whatever it takes to hit the ball,” there was fire in his eyes, for sure. 

“It was…,” Kageyama paused, remembering he’s terrible at compliments, “really uh…wow.”  _ This kid sure is passionate about volleyball. Reminds me of…well, me. That feels like a whole different life, though. _

“Kageyama?” Hinata peered around his computer to look his office mate in the face, snapping him out of his reminiscent daydream.

“Hmm?” He replied without moving his eyes from his screen.

“I just...I don’t want you to feel like I’m making you do things,” he frowned.

“Why would you feel like that?” He kept his eyes fixed on his work, knowing that if he shifted his gaze to Hinata’s radiant brown eyes, he might get lost. His coworker was somehow gentle yet chaotic. Friendly yet intimidating. He had this aura...this demeanor that was both inexplicable and comforting to Kageyama.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, don’t doubt yourself so much,” Kageyama instructed, “if I didn’t want to do something with you, I simply wouldn’t do it.” The truth was, Kageyama really liked being around Hinata. But he wasn’t about to tell him that.

“Good to know,” Hinata said softly, returning to his work.

* * *

Noon rolled around and the pair emerged from their office for their lunch break. They had made a habit of eating in one of the more out of the way breakrooms, still not feeling like a true part of the Miyagi Law Firm family that Daichi had described to them on their first day, since they were always cooped up with just two of them. The room was located on the top floor of the building and overlooked the street below. The two would sit cross legged on the windowsill, backs against opposite sides so they were facing each other. Kageyama pressed his hand to the window pane, which was cool to the touch from the outside air trying to creep its way in. The boys began eating in silence, as they often did. And as usual, with Kageyama being the terrible conversationalist that he was, Hinata made the first attempt at striking up a dialogue. 

“Hey, so I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to a party with me tonight?” There was a hint of timidity in his voice that made Kageyama’s insides churn.  _ Do I make him nervous? Is he afraid of me? Friends aren’t supposed to be afraid of each other. Is this all pretend? _

“A party?” 

“Yeah um…it’s Friday night so Tanaka and Noya are throwing a party at their place and a bunch of the volleyball guys will be there and Kuroo’s going which means Kenma’s going which means I’m going and so I just thought maybe you’d want to go. Unless you don’t want to though, no pressure or--”

“You’re rambling, dumbass,” Kageyama interrupted him, trying to suppress the smirk that was spreading across his lips, “Sure, I’ll go.”

“Really?” Hinata seemed to relax, as if he had been anxious about asking. 

He nodded, taking a bite from his banana.

“That’s--that’s good,” he said, “It starts at nine. I’ll walk you?”

“Sounds good.”

Was Kageyama a fan of parties? Absolutely not. But going out meant avoiding another awkward conversation with Oikawa, who had been fixating on Kageyama’s relationship with Hinata ever since he vented to him about it after day one. His roommate also couldn’t get over the fact that he had worn a dress and lipstick out of the apartment on Halloween.

“Tobio are you sure you aren’t even a little bit gay?” Oikawa had pressed him almost every day since. 

To which Kageyama had often replied, “are you sure you aren’t even a little bit of a top?” Which caused his roommate to get all flustered and shut himself in his room. 

The truth is, Kageyama had begun to wonder what the hell he was. Because of volleyball he had started spending a  _ lot  _ of time with guys, many of whom happened to be queer. He couldn’t help but question if he had been too strict on himself in the past. If he really was so aggressively  _ not gay _ just to spite Oikawa.  _ Not like it matters what I am when I’m in a long term relationship, anyway.  _ The weird thing was, he never really thought about his future with Shimizu. He never pictured them getting married or having kids, he kind of just thought of them as being the way they were right now forever. Kageyama was slowly becoming aware of how his fear of change and frustration with his roommate were keeping him in the steady orbit that was his mundane life of routine. Maybe Hinata was trying to drag him out of it.  _ Maybe it’s working. _

When 5:00 finally arrived, the boys clocked out and headed straight for the gym. It was only about a 10 minute walk and practice didn’t officially start until 5:30, but Kageyama and Hinata liked to have a head start. However, as they approached the double doors, they heard the tell tale sounds of shoes against the floor and hands against volleyballs.

“Did someone really get here before us?” Kageyama asked.

Hinata pushed one of the doors open and peeked inside. “It looks like the girls’ club is still practicing,” he said. “Darn. I was really hoping I could get you to toss for me before the others got here...You know, because you have stage fright or something.”

“I do not!” Kageyama shouted at him, immediately defensive. 

“Then why won’t you toss for me?” Hinata raised an eyebrow, “You’ve been coming to practice for weeks now. And besides, you toss for the other guys. Why not me?”

“It’s not like that! It’s just…” Kageyama sighed, not proud of what he was about to admit, “You’re different from the other guys. You’re harder to toss for. I don’t want to let you down.”

Hinata’s eyes widened, but the puzzled look on his face remained. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Relax, dumbass,” he stared down at his hands as he fidgeted with his fingers, intertwining and twisting them to distract him from the way his heart had started beating a little bit faster, “it’s a compliment. I think your jumping, speed, mid-air decision making skills and, most of all, your intensity make you more complicated than everyone else.”

“Are you sure this isn’t about you?” he pressed, “it seems like you’re doubting  _ yourself _ .”

“Listen. In high school I was good. Really good. But that was a long time ago,” he paused, contemplating his next words carefully, “and now I’m worried...that if I try to toss for a player like you, I’m going to find out that I’m not that good anymore.”

“That’s funny. Because I used to suck. Like, really bad,” Hinata smirked, “But now big shot Kageyama-kun thinks I’m the greatest.”

“I-” his cheeks turned pink, “I didn’t say that!”

“Relax, dumbass,” he mimicked Kageyama’s words from just before, “I trust you. If you put it up, I’ll hit it.”

“It’s not that simple,” he said.

“Yes, it is.”

“Okay,” Kageyama reluctantly agreed.  _ He trusts me. I guess that means I should trust him too. _

The ladies began to file out of the gym, sweaty and red faced from exhaustion, signs of a productive practice. Immediately after the door shut behind the last girl, Hinata bolted inside, followed by Kageyama. The smaller boy grabbed a volleyball and spun it in his hands.

“Give me your  _ best.  _ Ready?” he had this devilish grin on his face.

Kageyama nodded and took a deep breath as he positioned himself beside the net.

“Here we go,” Hinata said as he lobbed the ball into the air.

The setter adjusted to the ball’s location, allowing it to fall perfectly into his hands for the split second before he sent it flying right to the peak of Hinata’s jump. The other boy swung fiercely, swiftly striking the ball down with great force. 

“Damn, that was fast!” Tanaka was standing at the edge of the court now, clapping his hands slowly.

“See?” Hinata looked Kageyama dead in the eye, “I told you I’d hit it.”

Kageyama merely nodded in response, completely unsure of what to say. Hinata had brought out something in him just now that hadn’t been seen since high school. Nobody on his team back then could keep up with his crazy sets.  _ Hinata took it like it was nothing just now _ . 

Their sessions always consisted of free practice for the first hour and a practice game for the second. During the first half, Kageyama and Hinata worked on polishing a variety of plays.  _ Hinata’s agility is insane. I’m really having fun with this.  _ Seeing everyone else’s jaws drop at their freak quick attacks helped restore Kageyama’s confidence, which had been beaten down by self doubt after years of spikers not being able to sync up with him. When they finally transitioned to scrimmaging, Hinata made sure he and Kageyama were on the same side of the net. They showed off their new tricks to the whole group, impressing even Tsukishima, who was as sour as he was tall. After crushing the opposition in straight sets, it was time to pack it up. 

Hinata and Kageyama bid farewell to the rest of the team and started the trek home, though they would all reconvene at Tanaka and Noya’s party that night. 

“We make a pretty good team, eh?” Hinata elbowed Kageyama in the ribcage. 

Kageyama glared at him in retaliation before muttering, “I suppose.”

* * *

**Fri, Nov 27, 8:57 PM**

**Kageyama Tobio:** i’m going out. be back later

**Oikawa Tooru:** Our little Tobio, all grown up!

**Iwaizumi Hajime:** leave him alone headass

**Oikawa Tooru:** That was not very nice Iwa-chan >:(

**Kageyama Tobio:** okay bye

**Oikawa Tooru:** Wait

**Oikawa Tooru:** Where are you going?

**Kageyama Tobio:** party w volleyball club guys

**Oikawa Tooru:** So I’m guessing chibi-chan will be there :))

**Iwaizumi Hajime:** oikawa please don’t

**Oikawa Tooru:** Wear a condom ;)

**Iwaizumi Hajime:** oh my god *face palm emoji*

**Kageyama Tobio:** i

**Kageyama Tobio:** i’m leaving

Kageyama’s face went crimson thinking about that text from Oikawa.  _ Jesus,  _ he thought as he descended the stairs to meet his very much platonic friend outside their apartment building.  _ I have a  _ girlfriend _! Ugh. Why do I even let him get to me? Yeah, maybe I don’t know for sure if I’m gay or straight or neither. But I do know that Hinata and I are just friends. Fuck whatever Oikawa thinks. Doesn’t matter.  _ Relieved that he had beaten Hinata downstairs, Kageyama took a moment to collect himself.  _ Get it together, dumbass. You have to stop freaking out before every single social event. Nobody even paid attention to you until Hinata made you look cool at practice.  _

“Sorry!” Hinata came bounding down the steps, “I hope you weren’t waiting long!”

“You’re fine,” Kageyama shrugged, trying not to show the fact that being caught off guard by his coworker’s abrupt appearance had shaken him all over again.

The pair trodded along the dimly lit streets all the way across campus to Tanaka and Noya’s house. Kageyama tried to focus on his breathing to calm himself down. He didn’t even know why he was so nervous in the first place, which just made him feel worse. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Mhm,” he replied nonchalantly, though in his head he was thinking  _ God, how does he read me so well all the time?  _ Most people that knew Kageyama considered him to be relatively expressionless. He had a tendency to bottle up his feelings. That is, any feeling other than anger, which he was quick to release onto any nearby target. Yet, somehow, Hinata was able to detect discrepancies in Kageyama’s demeanor, even when he thought he had been hiding it well. The only other people who knew him that well were Shimizu and his roommates, but it had taken them years to wrap their heads around the way Kageyama expressed his emotions. 

“You can tell me, you know,” Hinata persisted.

Kageyama remained silent, weighing his options.  _ If I don’t tell him, he will think I’m hiding something. But if I tell him I’m nervous, he will ask why and I will say what, exactly? That doing things with you makes me feel like my heart is going to jump out through my mouth because you’re so unlike anyone I’ve ever met before and my roommate has planted this idea in my head that I’m supposed to be gay and that any guy I meet is my soulmate and I’m beginning to wonder if maybe there’s some truth to that this time? Or…  _ “I um…I’m not very good at house parties.” Technically not a lie.

“Oh,” he seemed surprised by this, “well me neither, really.”

Kageyama scrunched up his face in confusion, “so…why are we doing this?”

“Just one of those things I do for my friends,” he shrugged. 

“Waste your night at a party  _ you _ don’t want to be at?” 

“No, dumbass,” he frowned, “it’s just one of the ways we show that we’re all there for each other, you know? It’s not about the party, it’s about my people. And my people want me there” 

Kageyama thought about all the hours spent watching romantic dramas with Oikawa when there were plenty of other things he would have preferred to do. But those other things didn’t involve Oikawa, and that’s why Kageyama usually decided to suck it up and sit through the shitty chick flicks.  _ It’s about my people.  _ “I guess I get that,” he said, “but why invite me along?”

“You really are clueless, aren’t you?” Hinata smiled sincerely, taking the edge off his words, “You’re one of us now, Kageyama.”

“Oh.” He had never been integrated into a group as quickly as he had with the volleyball club. More than that, he had never felt so welcomed. It was…nice? 

Through the darkness, a small yellow house came into view. Though he’d never been there, Kageyama could tell from the blaring music that this was where the party was. The pair let themselves in the front door, immersing themselves in the chaos. People--almost all guys--were packed into the first floor of the house, drinking from plastic cups and dancing haphazardly throughout the kitchen, living room, and dining room. 

“Should we get a drink?” Hinata practically had to yell to make himself audible over the music.

Kageyama nodded and they pushed through the crowd towards the kitchen. The shorter boy filled two cups with part coke and part vodka.  _ I’d rather be drinking at home where I can just crash into bed after I’ve hit my limit. Don’t get too wasted tonight.  _

“Now what?” Kageyama asked, struggling to keep his nerves in check while being bombarded by the loud noises and deprived of personal space. 

“HINATA!!” Noya shouted, emerging from the mass of guests with Tanaka in tow. 

“Hey guys!” Hinata replied cheerfully, “Cool party!”

“Thanks, man,” Tanaka said, then turned to Kageyama, “Dude, are you okay? You look like a deer in headlights.”

“Yeah, uh, I just haven’t been to a party like this in a while. I guess I’m a little overwhelmed”

“Hey, if you need a breather there’re a couple empty rooms upstairs. People won’t start trying to hook up until at least an hour in, so you’ve got some time before anyone makes their way up there,” Noya informed him. 

“Thanks.”

“Alright, enjoy!” Noya flashed them a peace sign before he and Tanaka were both dragged into the mob by a guest Kageyama didn’t recognize. 

Hinata nodded in the direction of the stairs, indicating their next move. Kageyama bobbed his head in agreement and before he knew it, the smaller boy had grabbed him by the wrist and was leading him through the living room and up into an unoccupied bedroom.

“Are you sure you don’t mind hiding up here from everyone else?” Kageyama asked, sitting down cross legged on the rug and leaning against the frame of the twin bed that took up most of the room. 

“I told you, I’m not really into this either,” Hinata followed suit, settling down so close to his partner that their knees touched. “Now stop being so insecure, would you? Let’s just talk.” 

“Talk. Okay,” Kageyama took a deep breath, glad to have escaped the wild atmosphere downstairs. “About what?”

“Um…” He stalled, thinking for a moment before blurting out, “Can I tell you something?” 

_ Oh no. What’s that supposed to mean?  _ Kageyama wondered to himself as his heart rate picked up again. “Yeah, sure,” he said coolly, trying to mask his anticipation.

“I figured after visiting my apartment and meeting my friends and all you were probably wondering about me so I just wanted to let you know that uh…” his eyes traced around the room, looking everywhere except in Kageyama’s direction, “I’m gay.”

Externally, Kageyama simply blinked and furrowed his brows, but internally his mind was going haywire. Picking up hints from the little pieces of Hinata’s life that he had been exposed to somehow, all of a sudden, felt very different from having the guy confirm it in his own words.  _ Why is knowing he’s gay so much weirder than thinking he’s gay? Why does this make you feel weird? Why do you even care?  _

“Please say something,” Hinata squeezed his eyes shut and Kageyama realized he definitely wasn’t the only one freaking out right now. 

“Hey,” he reached out and placed his hand on his friend’s knee in an attempt to comfort him, “Thanks for telling me.”

The redhead finally looked over at his company, “I hope this doesn’t change anything.” “Dumbass, of course it doesn’t change anything. What, did you peg me for a homophobe?” 

“No! I just get a lot of mixed messages from you, that’s all.” The lighting was dim in the bedroom but Kageyama swore he could tell Hinata was blushing. “And coming out is scary! No matter how many times you do it, sometimes it’s still scary.”

“Mixed messages, eh?” Kageyama raised an eyebrow at him.

“I mean...yeah,” he was definitely blushing, “Listen, I know you’re not supposed to ask someone this outright but like...we’re friends and I just came out to you so I’m just gonna do it but you don’t have to answer if it really makes you uncomfortable, I--”

“Hinata,” he cut off his rambling, “What are you trying to ask me?” Although he was pretty sure he already knew what was coming, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“How do you...you know, identify?” Hinata finally spit it out, then quickly added, “But don’t answer if you don’t want to!”

“Well I have a girlfriend, so.”

“That’s not really an answer.”

Kageyama sighed,  _ Why do I have the urge to pour my heart out to him? Fuck it.  _ He was already beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol in his system, like a warm static inside of him. “Okay, fine. I don’t know why I’m telling you this but I haven’t told anyone else so you have to keep this quiet okay, I’m trusting you here.”

Hinata nodded. 

“Alright, well, lately I’ve been...questioning? Like I never really thought about it until recently because Shimizu asked me out in high school so I just went along with it. But now I don’t know what I feel. Everything’s all confusing,” he looked down at his hands, shaking slightly with fingers intertwined in his lap.

“What changed?”

He could feel Hinata’s eyes on him, burning a hole in his head, though Kageyama refused to meet his gaze.  _ What do I say when  _ he’s _ the reason I started doubting myself? How do I tell him that he has this effect on me that I can’t even explain to myself? I’m in a relationship, I shouldn’t even be thinking about this.  _ “I met someone. And being around him feels different than being around anyone else,” he couldn’t bring himself to lie to Hinata, so he chose to be vague and hoped to God his friend wouldn’t ask about it further.

“Don’t you think you should maybe be telling your girlfriend all this?” Hinata came up with a question Kageyama had not considered for one second.

He thought for a moment before replying, “I have a good thing going with Shimizu. I don’t want to ruin a good thing without knowing for sure if it’s not right for me. Eugh I don’t even know if that makes sense.” 

“I think I get it,” he said, “You don’t want to complicate things with her until you know who you really are. Because if you really are straight, you would have created unnecessary tension.”

“Yeah…”

“So what are you going to do about this guy you met?” Hinata smirked a little, but Kageyama was too lost in his own head to notice.

“Well I have to figure out if being with him feels more right than being with her.”

“How?” 

“I suppose I’m going to have to let him know me. That’s how you tell, right? When it feels even more right the more you know each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope you're enjoying this work. I know this chapter was a little all over the place but things will start to pick up in the next one ;)
> 
> \- IHA


	5. Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check the chapter notes for a trigger/content warning! If you want to avoid spoilers go ahead and jump right into the chapter and skip the notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. This is going to be a little bit of a heavier chapter and I'm going to leave a trigger warning here. 
> 
> ~~~~~~
> 
> TW // Assault, hate crime
> 
> One of the characters is badly beaten because of his sexuality. If you do not with to read about the injuries and the attack itself, stop reading at "Kageyama got out of bed" and pick up again at "'Fuck,' he muttered in disbelief." After this, the rest of the chapter deals with one character taking care of the other in the aftermath of the attack. If you do not wish to read anything related to the assault, I would suggest not picking back up at all after "Kageyama got out of bed."

Kageyama woke up in a bed that was not his own, feeling like he had been hit by a bus. He sat up groggily, and scanned the room for anything that might clue him in to whatever happened last night. _An empty bottle of vodka. Two red plastic cups tipped over on the floor. My shirt on the floor beside the bed. Hinata asleep next to me in the bed. Hinata,_ shirtless _, asleep next to me in the bed. Fuck. I told myself I wasn’t gonna get hammered last night._ Amidst the agonizing pounding in his head from the hangover, he realized his jeans were still on properly, which relaxed him a little. _Well at least we didn’t do_ that _._

He nudged his friend’s shoulder in an effort to rouse him awake, “Hinata?” 

The smaller boy groaned and rolled over to face Kageyama, but was still reluctant to open his eyes. “What?” 

“Do you know what the hell happened last night?” 

Hinata looked down at his chest. “Where’s my shirt?” He muttered wearily, “Oh my God, where’s _your_ shirt? We didn’t…um, you know...did we?” His face turned beet red. 

“No!” Kageyama shook his head, slowly to avoid worsening his headache.

“Hey, don’t act like you didn’t wonder the same thing when you first woke up!” He grabbed his shirt off the bedroom rug and pulled it over his head. 

“Anyway. We should get out of here. We’ve already overstayed our welcome.”

“Can we take the bus?” Hinata asked. He looked as bad as Kageyama felt. Dark circles under his eyes, hair even more disheveled than usual, body slouching as if his own weight had become too much for him. 

Kageyama couldn’t help but grin at the smaller boy’s tired face, “Yeah, whatever.” 

After tidying up the bedroom they had commandeered for the night, the pair waded through rooms littered with trash and sleeping strangers to the front door. They then stumbled their way to the bus stop down the street, where they only had to wait a few minutes before a campus bus appeared to take them back to their apartment building. Neither one of them said much of anything the entire way home, brains still fuzzy from the alcohol they didn’t remember consuming. 

“I’ll see you on Monday,” Kageyama said as the two finally parted ways at the second floor of their building.

“I’ll text you later,” Hinata said, his smile weaker than usual, which Kageyama chalked up to exhaustion.

Upon entering his apartment, Kageyama was met with his roommates shouting back and forth about something he didn’t care to decipher. All he knew was that it was not very pleasant with his menacing hangover. 

“I’m home,” he said, hoping to distract them from their bickering. 

Oikawa frowned, “Oh, Tobio-chan! You look awful.” Then, his face warped effortlessly into a devilish smirk, “Long night?” 

“Leave him alone, Tooru,” Iwaizumi commanded, smacking his boyfriend on the arm. “Go get some more sleep, Kags. I’ll make you a coffee when you wake up.”

“This is why you’re my favorite roommate,” he mumbled, hobbling down the hall to his room. 

* * *

**Sat, Nov 28, 1:32 PM**

**Hinata Shouyou:** Hey :)

 **Kageyama Tobio:** hi?

 **Hinata Shouyou:** What are you up to?

 **Hinata Shouyou:** I ate a big lunch and chugged some water so I feel a little better than earlier

 **Kageyama Tobio:** i just woke up

 **Kageyama Tobio:** roommate is gonna make me coffee

 **Hinata Shouyou:** That’s good. 

**Kageyama Tobio:** do you need something?

 **Hinata Shouyou:** No. I just wanted to check in

 **Kageyama Tobio:** oh

 **Hinata Shouyou:** Yeah…

 **Hinata Shouyou:** I can’t believe we got blackout drunk o_0

 **Kageyama Tobio:** yeah don’t let me do that again

 **Hinata Shouyou:** Haha. I’ll try. 

**Hinata Shouyou:** Okay. Talk to you later!

 **Kageyama Tobio:** yep

 _I swear to God. Why are you even more awkward over text than in real life?_ Just then, Iwaizumi knocked on Kageyama’s bedroom door, interrupting his self-deprecation. 

“Come in,” Kageyama called, unwilling to move his body from where it had sunk into the mattress. 

“Coffee as promised,” Iwa said, walking over to hand his roommate the mug. 

“Thank you, Iwaizumi-san.” He felt one hundred times better as the hot liquid slid down his throat, warming him to the core. It was only getting colder outside and, no matter how many blankets he piled on, Kageyama always struggled to attain a comfortable temperature in the apartment. Thus, coffee was heavenly.

“No problem,” he nodded, sitting down on the empty side of the bed. “Hey, uh, you know you can talk to me, right? If you ever need anything. If you ever...have something on your mind.”

He froze. _What does he know? Or rather, what does he_ think _he knows? Dammit I didn’t realize Iwaizumi-san’s gaydar was so sharp. Wait, back the fuck up...you don’t_ know _if you’re gay yet. Still figuring that part out. Now relax, or he’ll totally know something is up._

“And you can trust me to keep it between us,” he continued, seeming genuine but still a little uncomfortable, “I won’t go telling Oikawa your personal shit.” Iwaizumi was like Kageyama in that the only feeling he tended to express openly was rage. 

“I...appreciate that. A lot,” Kageyama sighed, “There is something I’m trying to work through right now and…I don’t know. I’m not exactly ready to talk about it just yet. But seriously, thank you. I will probably take you up on that sometime soon.” 

“Of course, man. I’m your friend too. I’m here for you. Don’t forget that,” he gave a faint smile and got up to leave. 

* * *

After spending the weekend recovering from his hangover and catching up on procrastinated assignments, Kageyama was by no means looking forward to work when Monday morning arrived. Monday also meant he had to see Hinata again. Kageyama realized he had been lying when he said that his partner being gay wouldn’t change anything. It was like another piece had fallen into place in the puzzle that was Kageyama’s journey of self discovery. Now, the notion of Kageyama being gay himself and, further, being _interested_ in Hinata constantly buzzed around in his head, unwelcome. He might not have had a problem with it, had it not held the potential to turn his life completely upside down. But Kageyama had a girlfriend that he didn’t want to hurt. He had always persisted that he was not gay when he was badgered, time and time again, by Oikawa. He had a life he wanted to preserve, yet he felt it being ripped apart at the seams by a certain bubbly redhead, who was brighter than the sun and had an even stronger gravitational pull.

Nevertheless, he rose from bed, threw on some black slacks and a plain white button up shirt, grabbed the coffee Oikawa had waiting for him, and headed downstairs to meet his partner so they could walk to their job where they were still technically competing for a full time position. Kageyama had sort of forgotten about that part lately, as he had more pressing issues on his mind like whether he was secretly gay and in love with his coworker. Seeing as it was between a pre-law student with the dream of becoming an attorney versus a psych major who doesn’t know what the hell he wants, he didn’t really think it was much of a competition anyway.

“Morning,” Hinata greeted him with a smile, as always. 

Things were quite routine at this point, which Kageyama appreciated. But there was still a question he had for Hinata burning in his brain. After spending a good half of their morning commute trying to work up the courage, he finally spit it out. “How did you know you were gay?” 

Hinata gave a small, lighthearted laugh before responding, “I was dating this girl in high school. Yachi. We were good friends and then she confessed to me so I said yeah, let’s go out! And then I realized that nothing really changed between us after we became ‘official.’ I wasn’t interested in holding hands, or kissing, or having...you know...with her. I liked her a lot. But not in the way she liked me,” he paused, taking a deep breath, “and she got frustrated with me. And I got frustrated with myself because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t understand why I didn’t want to do couple things with my girlfriend. Then I met Kenma at a volleyball tournament and we totally clicked, like, instant friends. So I quickly figured out he was with Kuroo, and all of a sudden it was like this whole new part of my brain was unlocked? Like I had never once considered the possibility of being gay before that. I didn’t really think about relationships at all until Yachi asked me out. But once I actually got to know queer people it was like getting to know a new side of myself. I realized I wanted to hold hands, and kiss, and do ‘it’ with _boys_ , and that that was okay. So yeah, that’s how I figured it out.”

Kageyama blinked, at a loss for words yet again. _Why did that sound eerily like what_ I’m _going through right now?_

“I’m sorry, that was a lot all at once,” Hinata blushed, awkwardly running his hands through his messy hair.

“No need to apologize,” he said. “So are you and Yachi still friends or…”

“Uh, no. We drifted apart after I explained to her why we needed to break up.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s much better to know who you are and be at peace with that than to wonder why it feels like there’s always something itching inside of you. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I think I do.”

* * *

Kageyama had decided he was content to just be friends with Hinata for the time being. He didn’t want anything to ruin what they had, because, though he wasn’t ready to admit it out loud, he really liked the way being with Hinata made him feel like he was sane. Hinata understood him in ways that even Shimizu and his roommates didn’t. They could talk about work, class, volleyball, video games; in fact, after hearing about Hinata’s sexuality, Kageyama was even starting to get more comfortable talking to him about personal life stuff in general. Everything was going well. Until Wednesday of the following week, when Hinata bounded into their shared office bearing news. 

“Guess who’s got a date this Friday!”

“Uh, you?” Kageyama raised an eyebrow at his coworker, confused how he had managed this turn of events during his fifteen minute break. 

“His name’s Yuki. I’m meeting him for dinner at some gay bar off campus,” he beamed.

“Back up. How do you know this guy?” _I’m concerned, not jealous,_ concerned. 

“I downloaded a dating app this morning!” 

“Why?” He wanted to say more. _Is no one in your life right now good enough for you? Are you not happy with the way things are? How does this...this_ change _not scare you?_

“Not all of us just have people lining up for a date, Kageyama!” 

“Um…” Kageyama shook off this comment, which, for the record, he didn’t understand. It wasn’t like he had people confessing to him left and right like Oikawa did. _I thought people were afraid of me?_ “Anyway. Just...Be careful. There’re a lot of weirdos on the internet.”

“Okay, mom!” Hinata said, mockingly, “whatever you say.”

Kageyama scowled at him before returning to his task, trying hard to hide the dejection he felt welling up inside him. _Sorry I don’t want you to get hurt, dumbass._

* * *

Hinata didn’t mention his upcoming date again until he and Kageyama were walking home from work on Friday. For the first time that year, it was snowing. Delicate white specks floated to the ground and dissipated immediately. It was a weak snow, and if you weren’t outside you probably would miss it entirely. But it was comforting to Kageyama nonetheless. It meant the holidays were approaching, which equated to several weeks spent indoors, away from everyone who wasn’t his roommates or his girlfriend. This year, he supposed, Hinata was allowed in his inner circle of people he deemed tolerable.

“I don’t even know how to act on a date,” Hinata lamented, “It’s been forever since I’ve done this.”

“Oh right. That’s tonight,” Kageyama played it off like he hadn’t been thinking about it every time he saw Hinata since Wednesday. 

“Do you like...have any advice?” 

“You’re asking me? You sure are a dumbass.” 

“You’re the dumbass! You have a girlfriend!”

He sighed, “I don’t know, Hinata. Just...Be yourself?”

“Kageyama, that's the lamest, most basic advice ever,” he frowned, whacking the taller boy on the arm playfully.

“Well sorry! It’s not like I’m an expert on guys,” he threw his hands in the air, defensively.

“Got that right,” Hinata laughed, which, despite the freezing air around them, made Kageyama feel like he was about to burst into flames. 

When they parted ways at the second floor, Hinata waved and said, “I’ll let you know how it goes!” 

Kageyama just nodded and started down the hall to his apartment. He entered the unit, stripped off his outer wear, and fled to his room. He slammed the door shut and collapsed against it, a wave of dread washing over him. _Are friends supposed to feel like this when the other is going out with someone else?_ He let his feelings drown him, afraid of the answer to his question.

Later that night, Kageyama was lying in bed thinking about Shimizu. How they only held hands _sometimes_ . Kissed _sometimes_ . Hadn’t gone beyond that realm. _“It’s much better to know who you are and be at peace with that than to wonder why it feels like there’s always something itching inside of you,”_ Hinata’s words rung in his head. Itching was a good way to describe it. It felt like something was scratching at his insides, trying to dig its way out. What scared Kageyama the most was that he had only started to feel that itching after he met Hinata. 

Suddenly, he was startled by the vibration of his phone against the nightstand. _Speak of the Devil,_ he thought, seeing it was a text from his coworker that had lit up the screen.

**Fri, Dec 4, 11:44 PM**

**Hinata Shouyou:** Can you let me in?

 **Hinata Shouyou:** I’m outside

 **Kageyama Tobio:** did you lock yourself out or something

 **Kageyama Tobio:** where’s kenma

 **Hinata Shouyou:** Please

 **Kageyama Tobio:** okay. i’m coming

Kageyama got out of bed in just his underwear and a t-shirt and tread quietly down the hall, careful not to wake his roommates. He turned the knob to pull the front door open, and what he saw standing there in the corridor made his heart sink in an instant. It was as though the sun had gone out. The boy’s face was bruised and bloodied, a canvas painted red and purple. Tears pooled in his eyes, making them shine in a way that was painfully different than their usual spirited gleam. His clothes were wet and dirty, clinging to his small, quivering frame. Kageyama froze. His eyes widened but he struggled to take it all in. His lips parted but couldn’t speak.

“Can I come in?” Hinata asked, finally. He voice indicated it was taking everything he had not to break down crying. His eyes hadn’t left the floor this entire time.

“S-sorry. I’m sorry,” Kageyama mumbled, stepping out of the doorway to let the other boy in. “Oh my God, Hinata...W-what happened?” He stammered softly, still in shock, as his friend took off his soaked boots and stained coat.

His breathing was shaky, but Hinata managed to say, “You were right. I s-shouldn’t have trusted someone from the i-internet.”

“Yuki did this to you?” Kageyama stood there, bewildered, staring at his small, battered friend like he was a wounded animal. 

“There were four or five of them,” he sniffled, wiping tears from his eyes, “They forced me into an alley and j-jumped me. Called me a f**. One of them had a knife. Said i-if I screamed or f-fought back they would use it. It only stopped when s-some guy came and spooked them. Then they ran away. The guy w-who interrupted them didn’t come to check on me. So I laid there for a while.” He held his head in his hands, trembling violently. 

“Fuck,” he muttered in disbelief, struggling to wrap his head around the situation, “Shit, Hinata. Do you um, want me to...call someone? Kenma? The police? Your mom?”

He shook his head slowly. “Can I just stay here?” He asked, “Kenma’s at Kuroo’s and I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course. Uh...” _What else, what else?_ Kageyama thought to himself, flustered, ”I’m so sorry, I’m not good at this. Um. Let’s get you cleaned up.” 

Hinata nodded and followed Kageyama through the apartment. He sat on the bathroom counter and let the taller boy clean his face with a warm washcloth. 

“I’m sorry this happened to you,” Kageyama said, tenderly applying antibiotic ointment to Hinata’s wounds. He wished the first time they touched were under less harrowing circumstances. _His skin is so soft._ Kageyama’s blood boiled at the thought that someone had the nerve to blemish his complexion with their fists. _Just because he’s gay. For fuck’s sake._ “Okay,” he helped Hinata off the counter, “Come on, I’ll find you a change of clothes.”

Kageyama led Hinata to his bedroom, where he rooted through his drawers looking for something that was too small for him in hopes that it might fit his tiny friend. “Um. Sorry, I don’t know if I have anything that will fit right, but here’s this,” he placed a tattered high school volleyball sweater and some old gym shorts on the bed, along with a plastic bag for Hinata’s dirty clothes. Kageyama turned around while Hinata changed, and saw his phone light up again.

**Sat, Dec 5, 12:02 AM**

**Iwaizumi Hajime:** is everything okay out there? i hear voices. 

**Kageyama Tobio:** fine for now

 **Kageyama Tobio:** hinata is here. he was assaulted 

**Iwaizumi Hajime:** oh my god

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** do you guys need anything?

 **Kageyama Tobio:** just tell oikawa to be chill in the morning. please. i don’t need his shit rn

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** for sure. lmk if there’s anything else

 **Kageyama Tobio:** thank you

By the time Kageyama turned around, Hinata was fully dressed in his old clothes, which hung loosely around his small body. 

“Alright, you can take my bed if you want and I’ll sleep out there on the couch,” Kageyama said, nodding toward the living room.

“Um…,” Hinata stalled, nervous to spit out his next words, “Could you stay...with me?”

“Oh. Uh, sure. If it will make you feel better, we can both sleep in here. I guess I’ll take the floor then and y--”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“So…both of us in the bed then?” he blushed at the thought of sharing his bed with the other boy. _Fuck. He’s coming to you for help. Get your head out of the gutter, asshole._

“Is that okay? I really don’t want to be alone right now,” the crack in his voice as he said this reverberated in Kageyama’s head. 

“Yeah, I understand,” he affirmed, climbing onto the right side of the bed and pulling the covers back as if to invite Hinata in.

The redhead crawled in beside him, leaving a small space between them.

“Should I turn the light off?” Kageyama asked, not wanting to do anything to make Hinata any more uncomfortable than he already was that night.

He nodded and Kageyama shut off the lamp on his nightstand. For a while, Hinata’s soft, labored breathing was the only sound present in the dark room. Kageyama struggled to fall asleep. Knowing his friend was there next to him in pain and he couldn’t do anything about it made his heart hurt and his brain feel like jello.

“Hey,” he whispered, “I’m not good at this...this whole comforting thing. But I care about you, Hinata. I want you to be okay.” It was easier, he found, to say touchy-feely things in the darkness. Like speaking into a vacuum. 

Hinata said nothing for a few minutes. _He must have fallen asleep already. I’m sure he was drained._ Just then, the small boy swiftly rolled over, grabbed Kageyama’s arms, and wrapped them around himself. “I should’ve listened to you,” he said, “I should’ve been more careful.”

“Stop that. This isn’t your fault,” he said, taking in the warmth of his friend’s body. Hinata winced as Kageyama’s hand brushed his ribs. “There too? Jesus. I swear I’ll kill them. Do you want some ice or something?”

“I just need to sleep,” he sighed, “Hold me. Please.”

“Okay.” He let the sound of his partner’s breathing lull him to sleep.

* * *

Miraculously, Kageyama woke up the next morning with Hinata still sleeping soundly in his arms. _So different from the first time we woke up next to each other,_ he reminisced, concluding, _I never want to see him upset ever again._ Suddenly, he felt the smaller boy squirm. 

“Kageyama?” he rubbed his eyes wearily. 

“Hmm? Did I wake you?”

“No. Just thinking,” he said, turning over to face his friend, “Last night you said you weren’t good at this kind of thing. But...it seems like you did just fine to me.”

“Well. I hated seeing you so down. I wanted to fix it.” Kageyama’s deep blue eyes met Hinata’s warm brown ones, which had regained some of their typical sparkle. 

“It’s not going to get better over night, you know...But this was a good start,” the corners of Hinata’s lips turned up ever so slightly, forming the saddest smile Kageyama had ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for continuing on with my little story <3 Let me know what you think and always feel free to reach out if you are struggling with anything and need someone to talk to.  
> \- IHA


	6. A Trip Around the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's birthday brings him and Hinata closer yet.  
> Check the chapter notes for a trigger/content warning! If you want to avoid spoilers go ahead and jump right into the chapter and skip the notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. This chapter is mostly safe but there are small parts that might be triggering to some, so I'm going to leave a trigger warning here.
> 
> ~~~~~~
> 
> TW // Mention of assault, Post-traumatic stress 
> 
> Neither of these moments are detailed or graphic, but I figured they might still affect some people.
> 
> One of the characters briefly tells others about the assault they experienced in the last chapter. If you do not wish to read about this, stop reading at "I-I think I want you to know,” and pick up again at "I came back here because." This is going to be in the same paragraph because the mention of the assault is so brief, but the end part of this paragraph is kind of important for the following bits. 
> 
> One of the characters experiences nightmares about an assault they experienced last chapter. There is nothing vivid whatsoever, just mentions of the nightmares and what he does to cope. If you do not wish to read about this, stop reading at "The following weeks were rocky" and pick up again at "One good thing that came out of all this."

“Morning,” Kageyama awkwardly greeted his roommates in the kitchen, a timid Hinata trailing behind him, “Uh, this is my friend and coworker, Hinata Shouyou.” The small boy waved to the others, who had prepared food for the four of them and were waiting at the table. 

Kageyama wished his roommates could have met Hinata under more pleasant circumstances, but alas, they were introduced that morning over a depressing Saturday breakfast of mildly burnt toast and, of course, coffee. Oikawa had insisted on cooking, if you can call putting slices of bread in a machine “cooking,” as soon as he heard they had a guest. 

“Nice to meet you!” Oikawa beamed, “I’m Oikawa Tooru and this is my boyfriend Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Iwaizumi Hajime. Hi,” he nodded to Hinata.

“H-hi,” he stammered, “Kageyama has told me about you both.”

“Oh, isn’t Tobio-chan sweet?” Oikawa cooed sarcastically.

Kageyama glared at his roommate.  _ He can’t even seem to get toast right but at least he’s not being  _ too _ weird...Yet.  _ “Ignore him,” he told Hinata, “Come, take a seat at the table.” The boys huddled around the small, round kitchen table and nibbled at their food. 

“So Hinata, do you want to be a lawyer too?” Iwaizumi asked, making an attempt at small talk.

“Um. I don’t really know yet,” he answered, “I’m kind of figuring it out as I go, I guess.” 

“That is just the opposite of Tobio,” Oikawa shook his head slowly, “He has everything planned out, right Mr. Perfect?” 

Before Kageyama could say something snarky in return, Hinata retorted, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. As long as he’s doing what he really wants and not just what is expected of him.” 

“I think I like you, Chibi-chan,” Oikawa declared with a sinister smile. 

“Thanks?” 

Kageyama thought back to Hinata’s words from earlier: “ _ It’s not going to get better over night.”  _ But through the smaller boy’s monotonous speech and guarded demeanor, it was evident that the enthusiasm and light had been drained out of him.  _ Stolen from him.  _ This thought gnawed on Kageyama’s heart the whole morning.

“Thank you both for being so kind to me and for making breakfast,” Hinata bowed his head to Oikawa and Iwaizumi, “I feel like I owe you some sort of explanation as to why I came here last night.”

“It’s really no problem,” Iwaizumi assured him, “and besides, we just met. You’re not obligated to tell us anything personal.”

“But if he wants to tell us, who are we to stop him?” Oikawa shrugged, never being one to turn down some hot gossip. This got him an elbow to the rib from Iwaizumi, to which he exclaimed, “You’re so mean to me, Iwa-chan!”

“I-I think I want you to know,” Hinata continued, ignoring their antics. He took a before going on, “So, last night I was supposed to go on a date with someone I met on an app. But, when I showed up, several guys took me into an alley and assaulted me. I guess it was...Because I’m gay. And then I came back here because I didn’t know where else to go. I just knew I could trust Kageyama. And I wanted you guys to know that there’s nothing going on between us. He was just helping me out when I needed a friend, because he’s a darn good friend.”

Kageyama couldn’t tell if he was relieved or hurt by Hinata’s words.  _ That’s one way to throw off Oikawa’s suspicions. Just lay it all out in front of my roommates. But..How can you be so vulnerable around me and say there’s nothing going on between us? I let you into my heart last night when I took care of you and held you in my arms. I let you into my heart weeks ago when I told you I wasn’t sure who I was lately. You’re turning my whole world inside out yet you insist there’s nothing happening?  _ He sat there silent, jaw clenched, trying to bite back the unpleasant, heavy feeling that took over his body.

“That’s terrible about the attack,” Iwaizumi said, genuinely, “But I’m glad Tobio was there for you.”

“Yes, yes. You know, Tobio-chan’s lucky to have you, too, Hinata,” Oikawa added, “and he may not be able to articulate it very well, but I know he feels the same.”

“I’m sitting right here,” Kageyama piped up, “You don’t have to speak for me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, did  _ someone  _ decide they want to join the conversation?” Oikawa jeered sarcastically. 

“Alright. I think breakfast is over,” Kageyama angrily rose from the table, “Hinata, a moment?” He led the redhead back to his bedroom, where he proceeded to ask, “Do you think you’re okay to go back to your place now?” 

“Did I do something wrong?” Hinata frowned, “Why are you so upset all of a sudden?” 

“It’s nothing,” the taller boy crossed his arms tightly to his chest and avoided eye contact.

“You’re a bad liar, you know,” Hinata stepped closer to him, “Come on, you can tell me.”

“It’s selfish.”

He bit his lip. “I think...Sometimes you’re allowed to be selfish. And I’m not leaving until you spill, so go on,” he said smugly.

“Fine,” Kageyama sighed, giving in, “I didn’t expect seeing you like that to affect me like it did.”

“Kageyama that’s so vague!” He furrowed his brows, raising his voice a little.  _ That’s more like the Hinata I’m used to _

“God, you’re impossible. I’m trying to say that it...it breaks my heart to see you so messed up. And it’s confusing me. And  _ you’re  _ confusing me.”

Hinata’s mouth fell open, but it seemed he was struggling to speak. 

“It’s stupid, just forget I said anything. And go home already! You don’t need me anymore,” Kageyama threw his hands in the air, agitated and disconcerted. 

“I-I’ll leave if that’s what you want. But you’re wrong,” Hinata asserted, “It’s not stupid. And...I do need you.” He lurched forward and wrapped his tiny arms around his friend, pulling him into a tight hug. “I need you,” he repeated softly into Kageyama’s t-shirt. 

“I need you too,” he said, face pressed into Hinata’s unruly hair, “Stay.”

* * *

The following weeks were rocky, to say the least. Hinata would often wake up in a panic in the middle of the night and end up downstairs in Kageyama’s bed. He was constantly on edge in public, worried one of the guys who attacked him would come back for seconds. Worst of all, he still was not back to his normal self. Kageyama couldn’t believe how much he missed the energetic, excitable Hinata that he had grown close to. He understood that healing takes time, but still, Kageyama wanted to do everything in his power to reignite the fire that had been extinguished from behind Hinata’s eyes. 

One good thing that came out of all this was that it became crystal clear that Kageyama was Hinata’s comfort person. This was something Kageyama never thought he  _ could  _ be for someone. He thought of himself as aloof, and stoic, and assumed others saw him that way too. Hinata didn’t. Hinata saw something in him that few other people were allowed to see. The Kageyama Tobio that lies beneath the stone cold exterior he surrounds himself with. The one who cares deeply, despite not knowing what he’s doing. The one who thinks the world of his close circle of friends, who he secretly considers his family. Somehow, Hinata could see right through Kageyama. 

_ I think I like him. I guess that makes me a little bit gay. God, I know I should tell Shimizu, but I don’t want to lose her if Hinata doesn’t feel the same way. But...what if I tell him and he does feel the same way and then I change my mind? What if I want Shimizu back? Fuck.  _ These thoughts raced through Kageyama’s head every day for a week before he finally went to his most trusted friend for help.

“Hey, Hajime?” Kageyama approached him in the living room one morning, “Got a minute?” 

“Yeah, hey,” Iwaizumi cleared a spot next to him on the sofa for his roommate. “Tooru’s still in bed and I was actually hoping to talk to you about something too. So shoot.”

“I was just wondering, um...How did you know he was right for you?” he paused.

“Oh.”

“I-I’m sorry. Nevermind I-”

“No, no. It’s uh, it’s cool that you came to me about this. If this is what I think it is,” he smirked, making Kageyama blush profusely. “So this is actually kind of related to what I was going to tell you…” he bit his lip in an effort to contain the smile that was trying to spread across his face, but to no avail, “I decided that after we graduate this spring I’m going to ask Tooru to marry me.”

His eyes widened. “Woah, seriously?” Iwaizumi nodded. Kageyama couldn’t help but smile back at his friend, who was still grinning like the happiest idiot in the world, “That’s...Amazing, Hajime. I know he’ll say yes before you can even finish talking.”

“Yeah, probably,” he sighed contently. “Okay, sorry to steal the spotlight like that. Back to your thing. How did I know Tooru was the one,” he repeated, thinking for a moment before responding, “Well, when we were younger, like grade school age, he liked to fantasize about his future wedding. And one day he asked me what my perfect wedding would look like, so I got to thinking and I got a lot of the details figured out. A teal and burgundy color scheme, an outdoor venue in the woods, fairy lights, a small group of my closest friends and family. But something always felt...missing? And when I told all this to Tooru, he went, ‘What about your bride, Iwa-chan? What’s she like?’ And it hit me that I hadn’t considered the most important part of the wedding: Who I was marrying, of course. So I thought some more, and honest to God, I simply could not picture myself with a bride. I couldn’t picture myself with anyone other than Tooru. I know that sounds dumb as hell but it’s true. I didn’t know that being gay wasn’t the ‘typical’ thing. I just knew I wanted Tooru by my side always. So I got my shit together and told him. I said, ‘I want you to be my bride,’ and he said, ‘Ask me when we’re older, Iwa-chan!’ So that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. Ask him for real. Because every day with him I feel like everything is a little brighter. I feel genuinely happy, and genuinely loved. Most of all I feel extremely lucky that I was able to meet him so early in life.”

Kageyama nodded, taking in his story. 

“Can I ask why this is on your mind?” 

He took a deep breath, staring intently at the dark grain of the wood on the coffee table to avoid Iwaizumi’s gaze. “I’m starting to worry that I like Hinata as more than a friend.”

Iwaizumi chortled, “Why’s that worrying you?” 

“I have Shimizu!” 

“Sure, but if that’s not who you are then you have to let her go.”

“What if I don’t know who I am? What if I break up with Shimizu so I can tell Hinata how I feel and he doesn’t feel the same way and then I’ve lost both of them? What if I try it with Hinata and it doesn’t work? Wha--”

“You’re rambling,” Iwaizumi cut him off, “Slow down.”

“Sorry,” he tried to will away the heat in his cheeks.

“I guess what I don’t understand is how you simultaneously have a fear of change  _ and  _ a fear of commitment,” he said, “You don’t want your relationship with Shimizu to change but you don’t want to commit to Hinata because you don’t want to get hurt.” 

Kageyama gave a half hearted shrug, perplexed. 

“Listen,” Iwaizumi continued, “I think if you’re having these thoughts at all you need to let her know. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone you have doubts about. It’s not fair to either of you. As for Hinata, I feel like he must be pretty special for  _ you  _ of all people to get so worked up over. And besides, he came to  _ you _ when he needed someone, did he not? You’ve got this.” 

“Okay. I’ve got this,” he nodded, then paused in thought. “I guess I’m gay then,” he said.

“Dude, don’t worry about the label. You like who you like,” Iwaizumi gave him a light whack on the back of the head.

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, thank you, Hajime. You’re a good friend.”

“So you’ll be the best man at my wedding then?” he smirked.

“Of course, idiot.”

* * *

The weather grew increasingly colder and wetter, the semester drew to a close, and holiday break ushered in a new routine for Kageyama. With three weeks off of work and school, he had a lot of free time on his hands; most of which was spent with Hinata. They practiced volleyball together even when the club wasn’t meeting. They watched movies that Shimizu and Oikawa didn’t want to watch with Kageyama and movies that Kenma and Bokuto didn’t want to watch with Hinata. They sat in bed talking about the ins and outs of their minds.  _ This is opening up, right? Slightly regrettable but mostly cathartic. Is it supposed to feel like this?  _

Kageyama saw Shimizu less. He didn’t want to admit it, but in reality he was avoiding her because he realized he didn’t have the guts to tell her he had a crush on a boy. Not that she would take it poorly, but if Kageyama told her it became irreversibly real, and that was a step he was not quite ready for.

One night, Kageyama jolted awake at the chiming of his phone. He had gotten into the habit of turning the ringer on at night so he would be sure to hear if Hinata needed him in the middle of the night. He rolled over to check the notification.

**Tue, Dec 22, 12:00 AM**

**Hinata Shouyou:** Happy birthday Kageyamaaaaaaaa!! 

**Kageyama Tobio:** thanks? 

**Kageyama Tobio:** wait. how did you know

**Hinata Shouyou:** I asked Oikawa. I wanted to know so I could get you something when the time came. Didn’t realize it would be so soon!

**Kageyama Tobio:** oh

**Kageyama Tobio:** anyway. why are you up rn.. nightmare?    


**Hinata Shouyou:** Not tonight

**Hinata Shouyou:** I just wanted to be the first person to tell you happy birthday :)

**Kageyama Tobio:** dumbass. go to sleep 

**Hinata Shouyou:** <3

**Kageyama Tobio:** ... 

_ Idiot. Why is he like this? It’s so...cute.  _ Kageyama sighed before drifting off again.

It felt like he had just fallen back asleep when Oikawa came marching into his room singing “Happy birthday to Tobio-chan!” Unfortunately, it was in fact 9:00 AM, meaning Kageyama had to get out of bed for the day. 

“I made a toaster waffle for my old, old friend!” Oikawa pulled his roommate by the sleeve to the kitchen table where a very pale waffle with a smile drawn in syrup sat waiting for him. 

Kageyama raised an eyebrow, “You’re always gonna be older than me, you know.”

“A ‘thank you’ wouldn’t kill you!” He said, ignoring that comment.

“Thank you, Oikawa,” he flashed his friend a creepy grin. Oikawa stuck out his tongue in retaliation. 

“Fighting already, are we?” Iwaizumi joined them at the table with coffee, “Happy birthday, Tobio.”

Kageyama nodded to him with a mouth full of waffle. 

“So,” Oikawa clapped his hands together, “It was supposed to be a surprise but Iwa-chan claims you ‘hate surprises’,” he said, making air quotes with his fingers, “So we’re giving you a little heads up here,” he paused dramatically, “Since you have friends now...We’re throwing you a birthday party!”

Kageyama’s brain short circuited.  _ I hate being the center of attention in these situations. I hate how awkward it feels when people do special things for me. I hate-- _

“Okay so I’m gonna assume this unblinking stare you’re giving me right now means you’re not too thrilled,” Oikawa raised his hands, “But you should also know it was Chibi-chan’s idea.”

Iwaizumi added, “He wanted to do something just for you to say thank you for helping him through his healing process.”

_ How can I be mad about that? Ugh, Hinata.  _ “When do you guys even talk to him?” he asked.

“Oh, Tobio!” Oikawa laughed off his question. “So many things you don’t know,” he said, eliciting a scowl from Kageyama. 

“Sorry to change the subject,” Iwa jumped in, “But guests will be arriving at 5:00 and we should probably clean this place up before then.”

“Okay, birthday boy, why don’t you go take a shower. I know it will take you quite some time to make yourself presentable for the party,” Oikawa teased.

“I seriously hate you sometimes,” Kageyama smacked him on the back of the head as he rose from the table and headed to the bathroom to get ready.

* * *

After three outfit changes (Oikawa kept telling him he needed to find something more worthy, whatever that meant), Kageyama finally decided on a white collared shirt under a blue crewneck sweater and some black jeans. Slightly more dressed up than he would usually go for, but not so formal that he landed in work attire territory. He felt good about this, that is, until guests started to pile into the apartment. At this point, he felt as though he had a spotlight on him at all times. His clothes started to feel tighter and he began to sweat as he greeted friends from the volleyball team, who all handed him small wrapped packages. Thankfully, these were pretty much the only people who were invited. Still, being in a crowded room, knowing that everyone was there for him, made Kageyama’s skin crawl. Then Hinata showed up. 

“Happy birthday, Kageyama!” His lips formed that wide, captivating smile of his. The brightest one in weeks. 

_ If nothing else,  _ Kageyama thought to himself, looking down at his tiny friend,  _ Hinata seems happy. And that makes me happy? Yeah. Yeah it does.  _ “Dumbass, you already told me that today,” he said playfully, rustling the smaller boy’s thick hair with his hands.

“Sorry I’m a little late. I was having some trouble uh.. wrapping this,” Hinata produced a large, thin, rectangular gift, from behind his back. It was wrapped sloppily in royal blue wrapping paper with shiny, gold stars.  _ Yikes.  _ “I wanna be there when you open it, if that’s okay.”

“Uh, sure. Did you want to...stay here tonight?” Kageyama asked, fiddling with his fingers. 

“Really?” Hinata’s pupils bulged as his eyes lit up, “Are you sure? I’ve been doing better the past couple of days with my um...issues and all so don’t feel like you have to--”

“Hey.  _ I  _ asked  _ you _ , dumbass,” he interrupted.

“Okay, lemme try that again,” he shook his head, “Yes. I’d love to stay over tonight, thank you!”

Kageyama’s mouth morphed into a nervous grin. 

“Are you okay?” Hinata frowned, “You look like you’re in pain.”

“Oi!” He flicked the other boy on the shoulder, “I was smiling!”

“Mmhmm,” he strained to hold in his laughter as to avoid another flick from Kageyama.

Just then, something most disturbing caught Kageyama’s eye: Across the room, Shimizu stood awkwardly near the front door as Tanaka and Noya fawned over her. “Shit, I’ll be right back,” Kageyama said, abandoning Hinata in the living room to take control of the situation. He rushed to Shimizu’s side and smoothly wrapped his arm around her. “Ah, hey guys, I see you’ve met my  _ girlfriend,”  _ his lips were grinning calmly but his death stare revealed his true message:  _ Stay away from her, you idiots.  _

“Your...girlfriend?” Noya said, puzzled. 

The blatant surprise on their faces was deeply irritating to Kageyama. “What about it?” 

“Nothing!” Tanaka held his hands up in surrender, then swiftly changed the subject. “Hey, happy birthday, bro! And Shimizu, it was  _ very  _ nice to meet you.”

“What he said!” Noya shook his head in enthusiastic agreement, then the pair scurried off to harass someone else. 

Kageyama rolled his eyes. “Blockheads from the volleyball club. Sorry about them.”

“No worries,” Shimizu laughed softly, “Happy birthday, Tobio.” She took his hands in hers and squeezed them tight.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he told her. It was true, seeing her, holding her hands, it made him feel a little less crazy. But in a way it made things more complicated, too.  _ I like her. How do I differentiate the way I like Shimizu from the way I like Hinata? How do I work this out without anyone getting hurt?  _

“Where else would I be?” 

“Wow, way to make a guy feel special. C’mere, there’s someone I want you to meet.” Kageyama led her back to where he left Hinata. “This is my...coworker, Hinata Shouyou. Hinata, this is my girlfriend, Shimizu Kiyoko.” 

“Shimizu! You’re even more beautiful in person!” Hinata bowed to her.

Shimizu blushed, “Oh, you’re so sweet! Tobio has told me about you, as well. I’m glad you two are getting along.”

“Me too,” Hinata beamed. 

The two of them fell into a conversation so naturally that Kageyama felt like he was not a participant in the discussion, but a bystander watching the scene play out from the outside. It was as if he had been travelling between two galaxies since he started working at the firm: the black and white one, where he is straight and Shimizu are together, Oikawa is just a fool for trying to convince him he’s gay, he wants to be a lawyer more than anything, and everything is normal and makes sense; and the colorful one where he shares his bed with Hinata, he goes to Iwaizumi for advice because maybe Oikawa has a point, suddenly he wants to start thinking about his wedding, and he isn’t sure who he is anymore but sometimes it feels like he’s starting to figure it out. Now his two worlds were colliding before his eyes.  _ Happy birthday to me.  _

“Kageyama? Are you okay?” Hinata pulled him out of his trance.

He blinked away the web he was weaving himself into in his head. “Y-yeah, fine,” he stuttered, “Just kind of overwhelmed by all this. I never really had a big birthday party before with so many people and so many gifts and it makes me feel...guilty?” 

“How so?” He asked.

“Uh...I guess I feel as though I don’t deserve it. I’m not special. I didn’t do anything to deserve special things.”

Hinata frowned, looking like he was about to say something, but held his tongue.

“Come on, Tobio, you know that’s not true,” Shimizu said, placing a hand delicately on his shoulder.

Before Kageyama could say anything else, Bokuto came bounding over, yelling, “There’s the birthday boy! What are you doing standing over here in the corner?” 

Akaashi followed close behind, calling, “Bokuto-san, they’re clearly in the middle of a conversation. Don’t be rude.” 

Thus, Kageyama was sucked into the mass of volleyball boys that occupied his apartment. The rest of the party was a blur; he jumped from group to group trying to chat with everyone, as Oikawa told him a good host should. The whole time, though, he was thinking,  _ I didn’t ask for this. I would’ve just been happy with a quiet day in. Why do I have to cater to all these people on  _ my  _ birthday?  _

* * *

At last, the guests had all said their goodbyes and the four remaining boys were left to deal with the aftermath. They had gone a little overboard on the food and now had to tetris the leftovers into their refrigerator, which somehow seemed smaller that evening. Despite the trash bags that had been strategically placed around the apartment, the kitchen and living room were littered with plastic dishes, napkins, and crumbs. Thankfully nothing was broken. Probably because they hadn’t served alcohol, a choice Hinata had made, remembering his duty to never let Kageyama get blackout drunk ever again. 

“Alright, I’m beat,” Kageyama said, tying up the final trash bag, “We can Clorox this place tomorrow. I’m going to bed.”

“You’re not gonna open any of your gifts?” Oikawa chimed.

“Maybe tomorrow,” he yawned, “G’night.” 

“‘Night. Hope it was a good day, Tobio,” Iwaizumi said.

Kageyama nodded, then waved as he made his escape to his bedroom. Hinata trailed behind him, clutching the present he brought for his friend. 

“Do you have time for just one?” Hinata asked, holding out the messily wrapped box in front of him.

“Uh, sure,” he took the package into his hands and started to tear away the wrapping paper, revealing a black frame with a poster that read, ‘December 22, 1996 - Miyagi, Japan’ in white letters against a navy blue background. Above the caption laid a circle with a bunch of white spots and grid lines. Kageyama stared at it, slightly confused.

“It’s the view of the night sky the day you were born!” Hinata blurted excitedly. “Akaashi helped me pick it out. I wanted to get you something that would remind you of astronomy class. That’s something I liked doing with you and I’m going to miss it.” 

_ This is probably the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received. What do I say to that? Why do I never know what to say?  _ “This is...wow. Thank you, Hinata.”  _ Dumbass dumbass dumbass, what the hell was that?  _

“You like it? Really?” His eyes twinkled. 

“Yes. It’s really great,” Kageyama assured him, though he still felt like he wasn’t conveying his emotions very effectively. 

“So there’s something you said earlier, uh, about not being special,” Hinata bit his lip, “And I just wanted you to know that I think you’re  _ so  _ special. And you deserve the world, Kageyama.”

“Why does it feel like you’re about to propose to me or something?” He said, jokingly to ease the tension that hung in the air.

“Hey! I’m trying to be open with you here! Let me finish,” Hinata cried.

“Sorry, sorry. Go on.”

“So, ever since professor Takeda told us that thing about people being made of stardust, I got interested in some other things Carl Sagan said. One that stuck with me goes something like ‘ Every one of us is...precious...In a hundred billion galaxies, you will not find another.’ That one made me think of you, you see, because I think you’re awesome, but you’re so hard on yourself. You aren’t nothing, Kageyama. See the way the stars were on this night twenty one years ago? It’s unique to that day. Just like you’re unique to this world.” 

_ He really did put a lot of consideration into this. He thinks…I’m awesome? Special? He memorized a quote for me?  _ Hinata’s words made Kageyama’s heart pound hard against his ribcage, like it was trying to break through. He placed the framed poster on his desk, to be hung later, and turned back to his small friend.  _ I- am I really about to do this? Yeah. Words won’t do.  _ Kageyama flung his arms around Hinata and clutched him tight to his chest, basking in the warmth and sweet scent of grapefruit that radiated from him.

“Kageyama?” Hinata mumbled, his words muffled from the taller boy’s sweater.

“Thank you.” 

“Just thought it was something you needed to hear.”

Finally, after what simultaneously felt like forever and yet not long enough, Kageyama let go. The two changed into shorts and t-shirts, brushed their teeth, and climbed into his bed. For the first time, it was by choice rather than necessity. For the first time, they were there together and Hinata wasn’t hurting, or at least he didn’t seem to be. For the first time, they lied face to face in Kageyama’s bed, eyes tired but content, mouths relaxed into faint smiles, a pleasant aura of gratitude surrounding them.  _ Is this where I tell him?  _

“I’m glad I met you,” Kageyama told him.  _ Is this a good start?  _

“Huh,” Hinata sighed happily, “I’m glad I met you too, Tobio.”

Kageyama hoped Hinata couldn’t see him blushing in the shadowy room.

“Is it okay if I call you that?” 

_ Yes. Yes. Yes.  _ “Sure,” he sucked his teeth, hesitating before letting “Shouyou,” escape from his lips. His heart was beating out of control and a buzzing feeling spread throughout his insides, like one that he sometimes felt when he was nervous, but this time there was some excitement mixed in. From the wide-eyed grin on his face, he could tell Hinata was feeling it too. The smaller boy was never very good at masking his emotions. 

“Tobio Tobio Tobio,” the redhead shuffled closer, closing the gap between them, “Your name is nice to say.” 

“Are you feeling okay tonight? No bad thoughts yet?”  _ What is he doing? Why is he so close? Is this...what I think it is?  _

“I’m better than okay,” Hinata smiled, closed his eyes, and Kageyama swore he tilted his head.  _ He’s totally going to kiss me. Right? What do I do, what do I do? Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck it.  _ Kageyama grabbed Hinata’s face tenderly and pulled him into a kiss. He barely had time to take any of it in before the smaller boy drew away, “Kageyama! What was that?” 

_ No no no no no.  _ “Shit! I thought you--” 

“You have a girlfriend!” 

“I know, it just felt like you were, you know...going in for it?”  _ He wasn’t going to kiss me. I guess I saw what I wanted to see.  _ Even though it was dark, Kageyama was certain Hinata could tell his face was burning red now. This time, though, the reaction was mutual.

“You kissed me!” He covered his face with his hands.

“Was it that bad?” Kageyama bit his lip nervously.

“No! It’s just...no. If Tobio’s okay with it,” he moved his hands from his face, revealing a smirk, and brushed his fingers against the other boy’s cheek, “I’m okay with it.” 

Their eyes met again, desire swimming in pools of deep blue and warm brown. “I’m okay with it, Shouyou,” Kageyama nodded slowly. This time, Hinata took the lead, pressing his lips to Kageyama’s. This time, neither of them pulled away.

_ Is this what it’s like to kiss the sun?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'm really glad I got this finished up in time for my favorite crow's birthday today ;) (Right now it's the morning of Dec 22nd where I am). Thank you for your continued support and please don't hesitate to reach out with any thoughts or if you need to talk about anything, regarding the story or not! I would love to interact with my readers more. - IHA


	7. ...And a Happy New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama continues to try to work out his feelings as the year comes to a close. Check the chapter notes for a content warning! If you want to avoid spoilers go ahead and jump right into the chapter and skip the notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. This is going to be a spicy chapter and I'm going to leave a content warning here.
> 
> ~~~~~~
> 
> CW // NSFW
> 
> Two adult characters have oral sex while they are both drunk. The scene is pretty graphic and detailed. If you do not wish to read about this, stop reading at "Dumbass, I want you," and pick up again at "So, uh...How was it?" Sorry this is kind of a long scene.

An entire week had come and gone and Kageyama was still reeling from that night he spent with Hinata. His mind was never idle, with the memory of what they had done and all the complicated thoughts that came with it occupying his mind any spare second of the day. Sometimes the thoughts made his heart feel so full it could burst:  _ We kissed. Hinata feels something for me in return. I can make this work. I am gay for him and I want everyone to know. I need to tell him I like him, for real.  _ Other times they made it feel as though there was poison coursing through his veins:  _ What am I going to tell Shimizu? I mean, kissing her is fine too. Different, but fine. What does this mean? I’m definitely not straight. But what if I’m bi? Then I should just stay with her, right? That would be the simplest thing.  _

They hadn’t talked at all about what had happened between them. In fact, Kageyama had done everything he could think of to keep away from Hinata since their kiss. “I’m spending the day with Shimizu,” “Oikawa has friends over,” “I have a headache, maybe tomorrow.” Lame excuses to mask the reality of it: Kageyama worried that if he saw Hinata again, they would finally have to talk it through and he would have to figure everything out on the spot. How he felt. What he wanted. He would have to choose a fate and accept that he didn’t know for certain how it was going to work out, or if it would work out at all. And that terrified him.

Spending Christmas alone with Shimizu was the most challenging part of all this. Usually she could see right through Kageyama, no matter how hard he tried to conceal his emotions; but this time, despite him feeling like he had guilt written all over his face, even if inside she knew something was up, she didn’t seem to let on. He wanted to tell her, truly, he did.  _ You shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone you have doubts about,  _ Iwaizumi’s words bounced around in his head.  But her unawareness of the situation, the way she could act as though everything was fine, made it all the more difficult to work up the courage to admit what had happened and what he had been going on in his head lately. Opening up about it to Shimizu was far easier said than done.  _ I need to be fully prepared to be with Hinata if I’m going to ruin this relationship. But I’m not ready yet. I can’t lose both of them and I won’t let my actions be in vain. Is that selfish? Maybe. I want to protect my heart as much as theirs, though. _

Kageyama also tried to imagine his future wedding, since it had helped Iwaizumi make up his mind about Oikawa. The trouble was, he could see himself with both of them, but the two scenarios were totally unique. His wedding with Shimizu was traditional; she wore a beautiful dress and her sleek dark hair was done up all elegant and they exchanged vows at the shrine with nuptial cups. His wedding with Hinata was more unorthodox, but still made his heart melt when he thought about it; his groom wore a gray suit with a navy blue bowtie to complement Kageyama’s navy blue suit and gray tie, the event was space themed and drew a large crowd, as Hinata was incredibly skilled at making friends. Their marriage wouldn’t be official in the eyes of the law, though, which he hadn’t considered until now. He quickly cast this thought away, as he didn’t need another identity crisis going on, especially not one about how being a lawyer meant working within the somewhat problematic legal system that was laid out before him. Regardless, the imaginary wedding planning wasn’t working out how he had hoped. 

The bright afternoon light poured into the living room through the windows. The not so subtle scent of peppermint wafted through the air from the candle burning in Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s room. Kageyama flopped down on the sofa and held a pillow over his face in frustration.  _ I know I have to talk to them about this. Letting it simmer in my head is making everything worse, I can feel it. So why is it so damn hard to get the words out when they’re standing in front of me? Screw that. I’ll just text him.  _

**Wed, Dec 30, 2:39 PM**

**Kageyama Tobio:** oi

His heart beat like crazy waiting for a response.  _ Shit, I haven’t even really said anything yet. Why is this so difficult?  _ Thankfully, Hinata possessed the oh so endearing trait of being a fast replier.

**Hinata Shouyou:** Hi

**Hinata Shouyou:** What’s up? Done avoiding me?

**Kageyama Tobio:** yeah um. about that. 

**Kageyama Tobio:** i can explain. it’s a shitty reason but i can explain

**Hinata Shouyou:** I’m listening

**Kageyama Tobio:** remember at tanaka’s party when i told you that i met someone who made me question if i was really straight

**Hinata Shouyou:** Not really. We got pretty messed up that night.

**Kageyama Tobio:** k nvm then

**Hinata Shouyou:** Wait! I’m jk

**Hinata Shouyou:** I remember I remember. Go on

**Kageyama Tobio:** i stg i hate you

**Hinata Shouyou:** That doesn’t sound like where you were going with that…

**Kageyama Tobio:** dumbass

With shaky fingers, he typed out the next thing on his mind. The thing that had been on his mind since that night they opened up to each other for the first time on the floor in Tanaka’s housemate’s bedroom, and countless nights before that. He hesitated with his thumb hovering over the send button, looking intently at the words before him, knowing that once he hit send there was really no going back. Sure, he and Hinata had slept in his bed together. They had hugged, they had kissed. But this felt like a different kind of  _ real _ .  _ Fuck it. He needs to know. Send. _

**Kageyama Tobio:** it’s you. you’re the guy 

**Hinata Shouyou:** The guy who changed your mind?

**Kageyama Tobio:** yes idiot i just said that

**Hinata Shouyou:** And that’s why you’ve been avoiding me? After you kissed me?

**Kageyama Tobio:** i’m sorry. i was scared. and confused.

**Kageyama Tobio:** i still am tbh

**Hinata Shouyou:** Can I come over? 

Kageyama’s mind raced.  _ This isn’t happening. Why did I do this? I’m fucking everything up, I’m sure of it.  _ But he realized he couldn’t keep trying to block it out anymore.  _ You asked for this. You wanted it out in the open, now you have to roll with it,  _ he told himself as he typed out his response:

**Kageyama Tobio:** ok

Less than a minute later, there was a knock on the door. Kageyama forced himself to rise from the couch, dread weighing him down further with every step as he made his way to the foyer. He pulled open the door, hands still trembling fiercely, and faced the boy he had essentially just confessed to. 

“Kageyama,” he stepped inside and slipped off the sandals he had thrown on to run downstairs, “We should talk.” 

_ Shit shit shit when is that ever a good sign.  _ “O-okay, um, come sit,” he led Hinata to the living room sofa where just moments before he had been sitting alone texting him, “The roommates are out, don’t worry.” Kageyama tried his absolute hardest to put up a calm front, but in reality his insides were in knots and his brain felt like a slowly deflating balloon. 

“Hey, relax, dumbass,” Hinata placed his hand on Kageyama’s knee, which halted its bouncing.  _ Guess I’m not as discrete as I thought. That, or he can just read me like a book. Maybe both.  _ “Anyway, I already knew. You’re so obvious, Tobio.”

He was fairly sure Hinata’s words were meant to be reassuring, but they most certainly were not. They only freaked him out more. “You...what?” 

“Dude, you hugged me and  _ kissed _ me after I told you how special you are to me. You do whatever I say. You’re totally in love with me!”

“N-no I’m not! Dumbass Hinata,” Kageyama was so overwhelmed he could barely get the words out, “You just confuse me. That’s all I said!” 

“Yeah okay,” Hinata furrowed his brows as he shifted his gaze from his friend to the window, “You know, you’re pretty confusing yourself. Leading me on like that. So be blunt, would you? Because we clearly are not on the same page if that’s all you think of me.”

Kageyama looked down at his lap, fingers rubbing the backs of his hands so hard he could feel the bones. He swallowed hard, attempting to choke down the anxiety to make way for what he was about to say. “Okay, fine. You’re right, Hinata. I...like you. And that’s confusing for me because I have Shimizu...and I like her too. So I don’t know what to tell you because I don’t even know what I think.”

Hinata’s eyes, now wide and manic, focused on the dark haired boy beside him once again. “Do you actually like her or is being with her just what you’re used to?” 

“That’s seriously the first thing you’re going to say to me after you weasel a confession out of me like that?” Kageyama fumed, his face turning a vicious crimson. 

“Alright, jeez. I like you too, now answer my question!” Hinata rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air.

“I don’t know! I told you, I’m still trying to work this all out in my head. I’m not good with...feelings, okay!” 

“You’ve got that right,” he laughed softly, cutting the tension in the room. “Take a breath, Tobio, you’ll hurt yourself.”

He inhaled slowly, and with this breath he exhaled the shame, the embarrassment, the insecurity he had been harboring inside. As the clouds of negativity cleared, all that remained was the thought Kageyama most needed to process:  _ He likes me. He said it. It’s real.  _

“It’s okay to not know exactly what you want or what you’re doing or why. No one has it all figured out, I would think,” Hinata said after letting Kageyama breathe for a few moments. 

“What I know is that I like you a lot, and I’m so glad it’s mutual,” he started, “but I also know I’m not ready to leave Shimizu. So I’m sorry if that upsets you, but that’s the best I’ve got right now.” 

“That doesn’t upset me,” he spoke genuinely, “I know what it’s like trying to come to terms with your sexuality. I know you need time. But...could we kiss again?” 

“You...want to kiss me again? After everything I just told you?” 

Hinata moved closer to Kageyama so their thighs were touching, swung his arm around the taller boy’s shoulders, and whispered, “How are you going to work out what feels right if you don’t feel what it’s like to be with me? Seems a little unfair, is all.” 

“O-okay,” Kageyama gulped, letting the smaller boy take the lead. Hinata’s small hands cupped Kageyama’s face gingerly, and he leaned in so their lips made contact. Warm, soft, gentle, at first. Then, as things revved up, the redhead shifted onto his friend’s lap as they grabbed at each other’s hair, locking their lips hungrily. Passionate, desperate, intoxicating, when suddenly--

“Oh Iwa-chan! Look, they’re making out!” They had been so enthralled in their hot and heavy embrace that they had failed to notice Kageyama’s roommates returning to the apartment. The pair quickly pulled away from each other and fell onto opposite sides of the couch, an awkward space left between them. 

“I swear it’s not what it looks like,” Kageyama stammered, his face burning hotter than ever.

“I should go,” Hinata stood abruptly and bolted for the front door without saying goodbye.

“That was kind of gay, Tobio-chan,” Oikawa sat down beside Kageyama on the couch, filling the seat Hinata had occupied seconds before, “I wasn’t sure you had it in you.”

“Leave me alone,” Kageyama rose, fuming. He tried to escape to his room, but Iwaizumi grabbed his wrist to make him stay put. “I don’t want to talk about it!”

“You don’t have to be ashamed, dude” Iwaizumi assured him, “We care about you and we just want you to be happy, right Shittykawa?” He looked to Oikawa, who was frowning dramatically at the use of his lame nickname, but still managed a nod in agreement.

“Chibi-chan makes you happy, yes?” Oikawa inquired.

“Y-yeah,” Kageyama replied, staring down at his feet to avoid eye contact. 

“Then we’re happy for you. It’s that simple.”

Kageyama wanted to believe Oikawa, that it was simple; however, in reality it was anything but. Yes, Hinata made him happy. But Shimizu also made him happy. What he didn’t understand was where to draw the line between someone making you happy in a friend kind of way and someone making you happy in a lover kind of way.  _ I feel like this shouldn’t be something I have to think so hard about. Why don’t I just  _ know  _ the way Iwaizumi just  _ knew  _ Oikawa was the one for him? Or the way Hinata just  _ knew  _ he was gay? For them it seems black and white but my mind thinks in shades of gray, I guess.  _ Hinata’s question played on repeat in his head,  _ Do you actually like her or is being with her just what you’re used to? How am I supposed to tell the difference?  _

* * *

Kageyama hadn’t spoken to Hinata since he rushed out on him the day before. That night was New Year’s Eve and they were both planning on attending a staff party at the firm, so Hinata couldn’t avoid him forever. Kageyama had gotten over the initial embarrassment of his roommates catching him in an awkward position; now, he just wanted to see the spritely little redhead again. After all, Kageyama seemed to have the most insightful revelations when they were together. 

**Thu, Dec 31, 8:17 PM**

**Kageyama Tobio:** still going to the thing?

**Hinata Shouyou:** The New Year’s party? Yeah.

**Kageyama Tobio:** wanna walk together?

**Hinata Shouyou:** Of course

**Hinata Shouyou:** Tobio ;)

**Kageyama Tobio:** meet you in the lobby like usual

**Kageyama Tobio:** shouyou >:( 

Twenty minutes later, Kageyama climbed down the stairs and met Hinata at the exit. The boys started on their way to the office through the cold, huddling close together to preserve as much warmth as possible.  _ I want to hold his hand,  _ Kageyama thought to himself,  _ But that would be too much, I think. Holding hands in public. Shimizu and I rarely even do that. It’s uncomfortable. So why do I want to do it with Hinata? Nope. Not gonna do it. _

“So...about yesterday,” Hinata muttered, his voice muffled slightly from the scarf shielding the lower half of his face, “I’m really sorry I left like that. I kind of freaked out because...I don’t want them to see me as like a homewrecker or something!”

“No, I’m sorry,” Kageyama professed, “We should have gone to my room or something. But listen, they know about our...situation, so don’t worry. They’re alright.”

“Oh, so you talk to your friends about me?” He beamed.

“Shut up,” he brushed him off.

“Anyway,” he shifted, smug, “do you have any big plans for the New Year?” 

“Big plans…” he thought for a moment, “Uh, not really. Just gonna keep moving along towards law school. I guess I’m boring like that. Iwaizumi told me he’s going to propose to Oikawa after they graduate in the spring, though. So I might be going to a wedding.” 

“No way, that’s great!” he perked up, “Hey, speaking of significant others, you didn’t want to bring Shimizu tonight? You know, so you could kiss her at midnight?” 

“Oh, um...I didn’t realize I could bring a guest.” 

“Dumbass, of course you can!” Hinata laughed, “Oh well, guess you’ll just have to settle for kissing me.”

If Kageyama’s cheeks, already rosy from the cold, turned an even deeper shade of pink. “Yeah. I guess.” 

When they arrived at the firm promptly at 9:00, the main breakroom was already packed with coworkers milling around snack tables and chatting over trashy pop music. 

“Ah, my two favorite interns!” Mr. Ukai approached them, drink in hand, “Happy New Year, boys! 

“Happy New Year,” they mumbled in unison, mildly creeped out by their boss’s laid back attitude. 

“In the spirit of the holiday, I thought I should let you know that I really appreciate all the hard work you two have been doing the past few months. I look forward to finishing out the year with you both. Now go get yourselves a drink!” 

“Thank you sir!” They nodded, turning to the table with the refreshments.

_ Will I ever be able to escape these red plastic cups?  _ Kageyama wondered to himself, reminiscing on the numerous parties he had attended this semester. Regardless, he grabbed one from the stack and filled it to the top with blue punch from a big bowl in the center of the table. Hinata followed suit, and the pair, recognizing hardly anyone in the crowd, sought refuge in the corner of the room. They stood there sipping their punch, outsiders looking in on all these hard working adults unraveling before their eyes, creating a scene that looked disturbingly similar to a college party. 

For a while, no one bothered them as they lingered around the edge of the room, venturing into the crowd only to refill their drinks. To Kageyama, it felt like Hinata was the only other person in the room. As they discussed the fleeting thoughts that popped into their heads, he was able to block out the background noise with ease, focusing intently on the boy in front of him. The way his olive green sweater rested on his collarbones and his shifting facial expressions seemed to say “Here, in this moment, you are the only thing I’m interested in.” Kageyama’s chest felt all fluttery. He longed to have his heart melted by Hinata’s touch again. 

“Hey I didn’t see you guys over here,” Daichi, their mentor from IT, wandered over to them, “What’s up?” 

“Just hanging out,” Hinata giggled, nearly tripping over his own feet. 

“Woah there, maybe you should take it easy on the punch,” he patted the redhead on the back.

“Wait...there’s alcohol in this?” Kageyama gestured to his cup in disbelief.

“Uh, yeah? It’s Ukai’s signature vodka punch,” Daichi informed them, concerned.

“Did you know?” He looked to the shorter boy, who shook his head.  _ When did he start acting drunk? Am  _ I  _ acting drunk? How did I not notice? Jeez I’m out of it tonight. Damn Hinata, distracting me like that. _

“Ooookay then,” he sighed, “Don’t even think about leaving here alone tonight. I’ll drive you two clowns home after the party.”

“Thanks, dad!” Hinata grinned giddily. 

Daichi nodded and turned back to the crowd, clearly more stressed than he was when he first approached them. 

Hinata started laughing uncontrollably.  _ So he’s a happy drunk.  _

“What’s so funny, dumbass?” Kageyama asked, leaning against the wall and sliding down until he was sitting on the cold, tile floor.

“We said we wouldn’t do this again,” he said, joining his friend on the floor, “But I’m so wasted right now.” 

“It’s...just after 11:00,” he checked the time on his phone, “The party is like...at least half over. We just have to wait it out for another hour or so.” His limbs were heavy and a swarm of unwelcome thoughts buzzed around in his head like wasps.  _ How could you let this happen? Something bad is going to happen. Nothing good ever happens when you drink this much. You should just ask Daichi to take you home now. You’ve ruined the night for yourself. And probably for Hinata too. _

“Hey, Kageyama,” Hinata leaned over and whispered in his ear, “I have an idea. Come with me.” He pulled himself off the floor, then grabbed the taller boy’s hand and made an abysmal effort to hoist him to his feet. Without question, Kageyama got up and let Hinata drag him through the hall. The pair staggered up the stairs, past the large windows that adorned the corridors on their floor, and into their shared office. Hinata shut the door behind them and Kageyama swore he heard the lock click, but he was too groggy to mind. 

The only light in the room came from the haze of the streetlights and the dim moonlight spilling in through the large windows, but Kageyama felt like he had never seen Hinata so clearly. The hungry look in his eyes, which were dead set on the taller boy’s face. The sloppy movements he made as he had backed Kageyama up against his desk. Before he could properly register what was happening, there was only a small space lingering between them. 

_ What is he doing? Why is he looking at me like that?  _

“Tobio,” Hinata whispered, positioning his hands decisively around the other boy’s waist, “I’ve been wanting to do this for so long.”

“Wanting to...What? What are you doing with your hands?” 

“Dumbass, I want you,” he moved in closer and commanded, “Kiss me.” 

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Kageyama growled, then proceeded to lean in and press his lips to Hinata’s anyway, aggressively to assert his dominance over the situation. 

“It worked, didn’t it?” He chuckled.

“Shut up,” he murmured. He grabbed hold of Hinata’s hand and placed it against the growing bulge in his pants.  _ Look what you’ve done. What are you going to do about it? _

The redhead smirked. Without a word, he dropped to his knees and began to undo his partner’s pants. With his heart and his brain operating on overdrive, Kageyama thought he might spontaneously combust.  _ This isn’t happening. How did we get here?  _ Hinata pulled down the taller boy’s jeans and underwear in one tug, leaving him exposed.  _ This is so embarrassing.  _

“H-hey,” Kageyama stuttered, despite his effort to remain calm, “Take your clothes off, too, dumbass.”

“Anything you say, Tobio,” Hinata obliged. He rose back to his feet, first pulling his sweater off over his head, then sliding his belt off and slipping out of his slacks and boxers. He reached over and yanked Kageyama’s shirt off as well. Even in the faint light, he couldn’t help but notice how strikingly pale Hinata was.  _ Oh my God, he’s gorgeous,  _ Kageyama blushed at the sight of his friend, completely naked. Despite his small frame, he looked strong, toned from volleyball.  _ Touch me touch me touch me. I want you too.  _ “Are you ready?” Hinata slumped down so he was eye level with Kageyama’s dick again.

He nodded, unable to will the words out of his mouth in this condition. 

Hinata wrapped a hand around the base of Kageyama’s cock, closed his lips around the head, and began to gently suck. The dark haired boy clamped his hand over his mouth, trying to contain a moan that rose from his chest as Hinata fondled his balls with free hand. “Fuck, Shouyou, slow down,” he whined desperately, rapidly approaching his tipping point. 

“Why would I do that?” His words came out slurred from the alcohol in his system and the dick in his mouth. He disregarded his partner’s instructions, opting to speed up instead.

“Dumbass you’re gonna make me...Oh fuck,” Kageyama groaned erotically, “Shouyou I’m gonna cum.” He thrust his cock further into Hinata’s mouth as his muscles convulsed in an intense release of tension. A warm, hazy feeling came sweeping over his body like a wave, and for a moment it felt as if he really did melt under the other boy’s touch. Then Kageyama looked down at the redhead on his knees before him and realized Hinata had swallowed his ejactulate. 

“Was that good, Tobio?” He grinned deviously. 

_ What is this side of him?  _ “You...You didn’t spit it out,” he murmured, clearly flustered, “That’s so embarrassing!”

“Hey, relax. It’s just me,” he stood up and slowly ran his hands down Kageyama’s muscular arms, intertwining their fingers when he reached the end. “Do you have a condom?” 

“Idiot! Why would I bring something like that to a work party?” Kageyama’s blushing intensified. He could feel Hinata’s dick rubbing up against his thigh.  _ He’s hard. And he’s definitely doing this on purpose.  _

“Ah well,” Hinata grinded harder against the taller boy’s leg, “Guess you’ll just have to return the favor then.”

“You want me to blow you?”

“Isn’t that obvious?” He made a point of looking down at his erect penis.

“I-I’ve never done this before. What if I’m terrible?”

“I’m sure you’re a natural,” he slid out his desk chair and collapsed back into it, “Come on, don’t you want to?”

“I do,” Kageyama affirmed. He kneeled down and repeated the words, as if he needed more convincing once he had Hinata’s pale cock looking him right in the face, “I do.” 

Hinata let out a sigh of pleasure as Kageyama took him into his mouth. Tenderly but haphazardly, he maneuvered his tongue around the shaft as the head poked the back of his throat.  _ Is this anywhere near correct? Are my teeth in the way? Does this even feel good? Should I be doing something with my left hand?  _ His mind was eased slightly when Hinata began to moan, loud and unrestrained, “Yes, Tobio, don’t stop.” So he didn’t. He decided to try caressing Hinata’s balls, like he had done to him just before. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he kept doing it until…”Oh, yeah, I’m cumming!” He groaned as his legs quivered in ecstasy. Hinata’s cock throbbed inside Kageyama’s mouth, filling it with his warm, sticky semen.  _ Oh God.  _ That’s  _ what cum tastes like?  _ Kageyama tried to hide his disgust as he followed Hinata’s lead, swallowing the load. 

”So, uh...How was it?” He asked once the shorter boy had regained his composure. 

He let out a small chuckle, “Out of this world.” 

After cleaning themselves up and collecting their clothes from the floor, they sprawled out on the floor by the window, neither of them quite ready to return to the party. For a while, the room was silent, save for their soft, tired breathing. Kageyama’s arms held Hinata close to his chest as they laid there gazing up at the night sky, savoring the last moments of the year.

Suddenly, a celebratory clamour boomed from the floor below. “Happy New Year,” Hinata bit his lip. 

Kageyama reached out to cup the smaller boy’s face and pulled him into a sweet kiss. “Happy New Year, Shouyou.”

“Hey Tobio,” he whispered, a faint smile plastered on his lips . 

“Hmm?” 

“See there?” He pointed out the window, up at the void, “This is how the stars looked the first time we had sex.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek. This was the first sex scene I ever wrote and let me tell you, it felt sooo awkward. Anyway, thank you for returning to my story. This is getting so long I had to move this chapter to a new Google Doc because the other one was running too slow because of the many pages lol. I hope everyone is having a happy holiday season, and I'll see you in 2021! You can also check out my twitter @nowthatshq where I post when I update the fic. -IHA


	8. the way things are now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Kageyama and Hinata's New Year's Eve antics gets quite messy.

**Fri, Jan 1, 10:12 AM**

**Hinata Shouyou:** Good morning!   


**Hinata Shouyou:** I just wanted to tell you I had a really good time last night. 

**Sun, Jan 3, 4:58 PM**

**Hinata Shouyou:** Are you okay?

**Mon, Jan 4, 9:34 AM**

**Hinata Shouyou:** Kageyama?

**Hinata Shouyou:** What’s going on? You’re worrying me :(

**Wed, Jan 6, 2:22 PM**

**Hinata Shouyou:** I knocked on your door this morning to check on you

**Hinata Shouyou:** You weren’t there but Iwaizumi said you weren’t sick or anything 

**Hinata Shouyou:** So please tell me what’s going on

“Can I ask you guys a personal question?” Kageyama inquired as he stumbled into the living room. It was noon and he had just rolled out of bed, hungover from another night of trying to forget what he had done. 

“Oh, is Tobio-chan finally ready to tell us why he’s been acting so strange for the past week?” Oikawa teased. 

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Shoot.”

Kageyama took a deep breath, psyching himself up before asking the humiliating question he had been turning over in his head since that night: “Does a blowjob count as sex?” 

After a moment of awkwardness in which Oikawa’s eyes widened in shock and Iwaizumi choked on the Gatorade he had been drinking, they answered in unison. “Yes.”

“H-how?” Kageyama stuttered, wanting to be completely and absolutely sure.

“Dude, that’s oral sex. Sex is in the name,” Iwaizumi grinned, reading between the lines.

“But I thought you had to have...you know... _ penetration _ for it to be sex?” 

“Think about it this way,” Oikawa took over, “Sex between two girls wouldn’t necessarily involve penetration. But lesbians still have sex, right?” 

“I mean...I guess? I’ve never really thought about how lesbians have sex,” Kageyama blushed, flopping down in the chair opposite the sofa.

“Well, just trust me,” he nodded, then raised an eyebrow suggestively, “Was it good?” 

“W-what?” A look of sheer mortification spread across his face.

“Come on, these questions, the mood you’ve been in...It’s obviously about something that happened between you and Chibi-chan. Now spill!” He clapped his hands together excitedly.

Iwaizumi swiftly jabbed his elbow into Oikawa’s ribs. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to. But we’re not here to judge you if you do.” 

_ Damn, he’s good. Iwaizumi always makes me want to spill my guts to him. Fuck it.  _ “Okay, whatever. Yeah. We sucked each other off on New Year’s Eve,” Kageyama couldn’t look them in the face as he said it, but at least he was able to get the words off his tongue. Releasing the fact into the open briefly lifted a weight off his shoulders.

“Way to go, Tobio!” Oikawa’s face lit up. 

_ I’m sure this is like a dream come true for him. Me doing gay shit like that. He doesn’t even seem to care that I feel like I’m being torn in half. The me that dates a girl and goes to work and minds his own business and has his life mostly figured out, and the me that messes around with a boy and follows him from work to volleyball practice and doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing anymore. _

“That’s not a good thing, idiot! I have a girlfriend!” He threw his hands in the air.

“You keep saying that...But you haven’t really been acting like it. Why do you think that is?” Oikawa interrogated him. 

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He stammered.

“Tobio, just hear us out,” Iwaizumi interjected, “You got together with Shimizu quite a while ago, yes?” Kageyama nodded, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms defensively. “And what’s the farthest you’ve gone with her?” 

“Just...kissing,” he bit his lip, trying to come up with an excuse, “But I’ve been so focused on getting my grades up and securing this internship! School has been my top priority since I realized I want to go into law, it has nothing to do with her.”

“If that’s true then why was it so easy for Chibi-chan to snap you out of it?” Oikawa pressed, “You joined the volleyball club because of him. You hang out at his place far more than hers lately. You let him blow you. I’ve never seen someone have such a strong influence over you. That means something, doesn’t it?” 

“What Tooru’s trying to say is maybe you’re right that it doesn't have anything to do with  _ her _ , because maybe it has everything to do with  _ him _ ,” Iwaizumi explained. 

When Kageyama heard all this from his roommates, it became clear to him that he had let his guard down so low since becoming friends with Hinata. The walls he had built up around himself had been single handedly obliterated by that red headed monster. Upon this realization, something snapped inside him. He shook his head, “No, you’re wrong.” He stood up from the chair, and raised his voice as he stormed off to his room, “He ruined everything. I fucking hate him. He’s nothing to me.”

“Tobio wait--” Oikawa started to get up to follow him, but he was stopped by the other boy.

“Just give him some space.” 

Kageyama slammed his bedroom door and flopped down on his unmade bed.  _ Dammit, Hinata Shouyou,  _ he sighed angrily,  _ Everything was simpler before I met him. I cheated on Shimizu because of him,  _ he hadn’t fully processed that part until his conversation with his roommates. Now, the weight of it all came crashing down on him, making him sick to his stomach,  _ I cheated on her. After all these years. I am the absolute worst. What do I do what do I do?  _ Tears began to well in his eyes as he lay there, clutching his pillow to his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried, but soon enough he was full on sobbing, trying his hardest to muffle the sound so no one would hear. This whole time he had thought Hinata had been making him more vulnerable.  _ No,  _ he told himself,  _ he was making me weak. And I hate him for that.  _

* * *

**Fri, Jan 8, 7:25 PM**

**Hinata Shouyou:** Please answer me 

**Hinata Shouyou:** You’re going to have to see me at work on Monday so please just say something

_ He’s right. Shit.  _ Acknowledging that leaving him on read again would just make this a conversation they’d have to have in person, Kageyama bit the bullet and typed out his reply after a week of silence.

**Kageyama Tobio:** what do you want

**Hinata Shouyou:** I want to know what’s up with you! 

**Hinata Shouyou:** You’ve ignored me all week :(

**Kageyama Tobio:** nothing. leave me alone

**Hinata Shouyou:** You don’t think I uh…assaulted you or something? Do you? Because if that’s what it is I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have done it if I thought you didn’t want it. 

**Kageyama Tobio:** no dumbass. in the moment i did want it. and now i hate myself for that

**Kageyama Tobio:** i think we both got plastered and did something we’d regret

**Hinata Shouyou:** What if I don’t regret it?

**Kageyama Tobio:** well i do

**Kageyama Tobio:** and i don’t want anything to do with you anymore. so please just leave me alone 

He waited for the little speech bubble icon to appear, signifying that Hinata was typing.  _ Say something. Tell me you can’t accept that. Tell me--No. This isn’t me. I don’t care anymore. Caring about him in the first place was a huge mistake. He crashed into my perfectly fine, normal life like a meteor and now I have to put it all back together again. Fix this, Tobio. _

**Fri, Jan 8, 7:50 PM**

**Kageyama Tobio:** come over

**Shimizu Kiyoko:** Right now? Is something wrong?

**Kageyama Tobio:** nothing’s wrong i just want to see you. 

**Kageyama Tobio:** sleep over at my place. Please?

**Shimizu Kiyoko:** If that’s what you want, sure. Be there in 20 <3

**Kageyama Tobio:** <3

Kageyama rushed around the apartment, tidying things up for his girlfriend’s arrival. He couldn’t remember the last time she stayed over, motivating him further to make sure this time was one for the books. This was how Kageyama would reassure Shimizu that he was all hers. He sprayed air freshener to get rid of the college guy stench that hung in the air, lit candles to set the mood, and dimmed the lights, but decided this made it seem like he was trying too hard so he turned the lights back to normal. Then, right on time, there was a knock at the door.

“Hey,” Kageyama smiled, opening the door to a bundled up Shimizu, lingering snowflakes creating a stark contrast with her raven hair before they melted into her locks.  _ How did I ever let myself forget that I am already with the most beautiful girl on Earth? Stupid Hinata.  _ He made a promise to himself that this would be the last time he thought of his coworker that night.

“Hi,” Shimizu stepped inside, removing her cold, wet outer clothes at the door before going in for a hug. “Happy new year.”

“Yeah, happy new year,” Kageyama held her tightly, “I’m sorry I’ve been distant lately. School and work has been a lot, even during winter vacation.”  _ This is the last lie I tell. For her sake.  _

“No worries, I assumed that was the case. I’m just glad to be with you now.”

“Me too.”

“Why’d you invite me over tonight, all of a sudden?” She raised an eyebrow.

“I was free. I missed you. School will be starting again soon, so I’m about to be even busier as the new semester starts,”  _ Not a lie. Just not the full truth.  _

She nodded in response and Kageyama took her back to his bedroom. They snuggled up in his bed and watched a true crime show on his laptop. They had done this so many times at Shimizu’s place, but now it felt eerily different, and Kageyama was certain it wasn’t just the change of scenery.  _ You said you weren’t going to think about him. Knock it off.  _

“Hey, Kiyoko?” He paused the show and turned to look her in the eyes.

“Hmm?”

Kageyama cupped Shimizu’s face in his hands and pressed their lips together, delicately. She seemed surprised at first, but she leaned into it, which only fired him up more. They had made out a few times before, always stopping before things got too heated. Kageyama was determined to make sure they went all the way that night. That would show her that he was serious about her. Opening her up to this side of him would make up for his errors, or so he hoped. He set the computer aside and climbed on top of Shimizu, kissing her passionately.  _ You can do this. You  _ need  _ to do this,  _ he psyched himself up for his next move, then slowly reached his hand under her skirt, rubbing his hand along her underwear. 

“Tobio,” she said, tensing up and breaking away from his lips, “What are you doing?” 

“I want to have sex with you,” he heaved, out of breath already. 

She bit her lip contemplatively. “Okay. Let’s do it.” 

He grinned and resumed their makeout. He didn’t really know what he was doing under Shimizu’s skirt, but she didn’t protest as he slid his fingers into her underwear so he figured it could be worse. She was warm and...slimy?  _ Relax. You’ve got his. How hard can it be?  _ The next thing he knew she was reaching her hand into his pants, making him blush as he kissed her neck. They went at it like this for a few minutes, awkwardly fumbling around in each other’s underwear, until--

“Tobio?” Shimizu whispered.

“Hm?” He mumbled, keeping his mouth on her neck.

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re, um...Soft,” she removed her hand from his underwear and winced in embarrassment as the words slipped from her lips.

Kageyama had been too engrossed in his advances that he had failed to realize, but sure enough, she was right. His face went crimson and the room started to spin. “Fuck,” he muttered, climbing off of Shimizu and back onto his side of the bed. “I’m so sorry. Shit, it’s not you, I promise. I guess I’m nervous and--”

“Woah, breathe,” she placed her hand gingerly on his shoulder. “It’s okay. I understand. Another time, maybe.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” He sighed, holding his head in his hands, still too ashamed to face her. 

Shimizu chuckled, then silence fell over the pair. She still spent the night, but the mood had shifted drastically. Kageyama couldn’t help but feel like he had made another terrible mistake. It seemed that was the only constant in his life recently: He kept fucking things up. 

* * *

Few things were as tiresome to a college student as being woken up to their alarm blaring early on a Monday morning. This particular Monday was particularly dreadful for Kageyama, as he now had no choice but to face Hinata, for the first time since their New Year’s Eve escapade. He went through the motions, at first, throwing on some work clothes, brewing a coffee, packing his backpack. Then, he remembered:  _ We walk to work together.  _ Hinata had become a part of Kageyama’s daily routine on work days, a detail that seemed minor, insignificant until now, when it started to complicate things.  _ Do I leave at the usual time and run the risk of crossing paths with him? And then we walk in pathetic silence all the way there? Or worse...He tries to talk about  _ things.  _ No. I leave five minutes early to avoid him. It’s the only way.  _

Kageyama’s hands trembled in his pockets as he descended the stairs of the apartment building.  _ Please don’t be waiting for me.  _ He repeated the words over and over in his head, but he still wasn’t convinced it was what he truly wanted. All he knew was that Hinata was bad for him, and that he had to keep his distance if he wanted to preserve his relationship with Shimizu. As he wished, he was met with an empty lobby. He made the trek to the firm alone for the first time since the first week back in October. The air around him felt more frigid that morning, without the fiery redhead by his side.  _ Get used to it. This is how it is now.  _

Upon arriving at the office, he was met by Daichi. “Good morning, Kageyama,” he said, eerily chipper for the early hour.

“Morning,” he replied, trying not to sound how he felt: Tired, nervous, and uninterested in the small talk.

“Hey, are you doing okay? You seemed weird when I took you home after the party and I didn’t have your number so I never got to check in.” There was genuine concern in his tone and his expression, but Kageyama wasn’t in the mood to open up. Not to some random coworker. Not when they were at work. And certainly not about this.

_ Putting this behind me might be harder than I thought.  _ “Yeah, yeah. Fine. Just had one too many that night is all.” 

“Good to hear,” he nodded with a smile before wandering off down the hall.

Kageyama slowly made his way up to his office. Having left a little earlier than normal, he still had a few minutes to spare before the boss would come to make sure they were set on their tasks for the day.  _ Maybe I’ll text Shimizu and let her know I’m thinking about her. Or I could grab a yogurt from the fridge. I don’t typically eat breakfast on work days, but hey, today’s no typical day. Today is the day that I prove to myself and to Hinata that from here on out we are just coworkers. The day that-- _

His eyes widened as he entered the room and saw his officemate standing there. “Kageyama,” Hinata turned to him, “I came in a little early because I was hoping we could talk.” 

_ Can’t you tell I’m trying to avoid you? Can’t you tell I don’t want to talk? It’s over, Hinata.  _ “About what?”  _ Be cool. He doesn’t mean anything to you. Never did. Whatever he says, he can’t manipulate you anymore. _

“I thought about what you said,” his eyes shifted around the room, refusing to meet Kageyama’s, “And I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For everything.”

“You’re...Sorry?” A puzzled look spread across the taller boy’s face.

“I remember on the day we met you said something about how...You weren’t here to make friends. I didn’t respect your wishes. I was relentless. So I’m sorry,” he gulped, as if trying to hold back tears, “And I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want.”

A part of him was screaming,  _ No! That’s not what I want! Say you won’t give up on me!  _ Another part wondered,  _ Why doesn’t any of what he just said make me feel better? He admitted guilt. Accept it.  _ But something deeper clawed its way to the surface, “It’s not your fault. I let you in. That was my mistake. I’ll be sure not to repeat it.” 

Hinata’s mouth fell open, Kageyama’s words like daggers digging into his chest. A tear rolled down his cheek, just as Mr. Ukai appeared in the doorway for their morning check in, a large cardboard box in his hands. 

“Are you two fighting or something?” He crossed his arms, not quite certain what to make of the situation he had stumbled into.

“No, sir! Everything’s fine,” Hinata sniffled, wiped the wet streaks from his face. 

Kageyama merely nodded in response.

“I see,” Ukai raised an eyebrow, unconvinced, “Well let’s get to it then. Second semester for you. That means In three months my team and I will be making our decision about who we will take on as a full time hire over the summer. That said, this week you will be working on digitizing these files.” He dropped the cardboard box down on the counter, “Play nice, now, boys.”

So they carried on as well as could be expected, despite the obvious unresolved feelings between them that manifested as two ghosts lurking in the shadows: What was and what could have been. The Kageyama that walked into that brick office building back in October would’ve been more than happy with what he and Hinata were now: Just coworkers. Nothing more, nothing less. Colleagues whose interactions were limited to work related inquiries and a “good morning” here and there. But the new Kageyama, who had felt the sheer exhilaration of being close to Hinata Shouyou, and who had consequently ruined it all, sat there hoping whatever tedious task he was assigned would distract him from the wound that reopened in his heart every time he saw the boy across the desk. 

In some moments the days, weeks, months seemed to fly. When the weekend began and the next thing Kageyama knew it was Monday yet again, which meant another day spent with Hinata. When it was midnight and he remembered he had a homework assignment due in class the next morning. When his roommates tried to ease his pain by roping him into movie nights or board games, which usually ended in him waking up hungover on the couch. In other moments it felt like the day, week, month would never end. When he ventured to and from work alone every other day as the ice that lined the pavement began to melt. When he and Shimizu went out and he couldn't shake the feeling that she could see right through all of his little lies and half truths. When he lay awake at night thinking about whether Hinata was asleep up in the apartment above him and if not what was he thinking about, and either way was he alone in his bed? 

As cliche as it may be, it’s true that you don’t know what you have till it’s gone. The initial confusion, anger, and frustration that came when the alcohol wore off on New Year’s Day had morphed into longing, emptiness, and regret as Kageyama turned the situation over and over in his head, letting the thoughts consume him and the feelings ruminate. The feeling that underscored all of this: Guilt. Overwhelming, gut-wrenching guilt.  _ I miss him so Goddamn much. Why did I push him away?  _ And when he started to miss Hinata, he was reminded of why he was so drawn to him in the first place.  _ Attraction. He made me doubt myself. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone you have doubts about,  _ he recalled Iwaizumi’s advice,  _ But I never told Shimizu about any of this. Why? What was I so afraid of, if I was so convinced we were rock solid? If she is the one then why did I feel so wrong telling her all of this? When things were good, I felt like I could tell Hinata anything. Hell, he made me  _ want  _ to pour my heart and soul out to him. Why do I feel the need to keep secrets from you, Kiyoko? _

As it turns out, Kageyama was not as skilled at keeping secrets as he thought he was. Shimizu was observant. She noticed the way he started to tense up at the mention of Hinata’s name. The way he became overly affectionate or concerned, as if he were compensating for something. The way he would drift into outer space in the middle of a conversation or an episode of their favorite show. The only thing that could capture his attention for long anymore was whatever was going on inside his brain. She had had enough.

* * *

Friday, April 2nd. The last day he and Hinata would be coworkers. Colleagues. Officemates. The next day, Mr. Ukai would be informing them of his decision, and then what would become of the duo? If they didn’t work together, they were nothing. That’s what Kageyama had decided three months ago, and what Hinata had accepted without protest. It was bittersweet. Perhaps he could put everything that happened with the fiery redhead behind him. Or maybe their orbits overlapped in such ways that they were doomed to cross paths down the road, again and again, inescapable for each other. A cosmic intervention.

“Do you have any plans for spring vacation?” Kageyama asked, trying to make the moments that very well may be the end of their story as gentle as possible.  _ I don’t want him to remember me by these last three months. When we were barely on speaking terms. When he probably wondered if I hated him, every single day, because I know that’s what I was wondering. Does he hate me? Did he ever, even for a second? _

“Yeah,” Hinata nodded nonchalantly, keeping his focus glued to the box he was packing his belongings into, “I’m taking the train to visit family in Fukushima for the week.”

“That’s nice. When are you leaving?”  _ This is good, right? Out of sight out of mind?  _

“Tomorrow afternoon,” he paused, sucking in his cheeks. “Are you doing anything?” He asked at last.

_ I don’t want you to go. Why don’t I want you to go? It's not like we even hang out anymore. Loosen your grip on me, I beg you.  _ “Nah. Just staying in with my roommates,” He hoped he didn’t sound sad, lonely, or God forbid...Desperate. Even though he kind of was all of those things in any given moment.

Hinata nodded. 

Kageyama opened his mouth to speak, but pressed his lips back together before any sound could escape.  _ Tell him, you coward. Say it.  _ He took a deep breath and his heart forced the words out before his brain could interfere again, “Hinata...I-I’m still glad I met you, you know.” 

The redhead froze in the middle of his packing. Though Kageyama couldn’t see his face, he guessed his chocolate brown eyes were wide and his lip quivered, just slightly, like it often did when he was hurt. Something Kageyama picked up on during the weeks spent pulling Hinata back from the abyss his attackers flung him into that December night.  _ Fuck. I’m supposed to be the one helping you through the pain, not piling it on.  _ Finally, Hinata uttered, “I wish things were different,” then, grabbing his packed cardboard box and slinging his backpack over his shoulder, “Goodbye, Kageyama.” Then he was gone. Disappearing down the hallway, leaving the other boy alone in the office. 

He tried to hold back the tears. He was at work, for fuck’s sake. But God, did this hurt. Hinata’s words were a sledgehammer to Kageyama’s already fragile heart. The tears came anyway, streaming down his face as he dropped to his knees.  _ This is all my fault.  _

* * *

**Sat, Apr 3, 12:47 PM**

**Shimizu Kiyoko:** Are you busy?

**Kageyama Tobio:** no. what’s up

**Shimizu Kiyoko:** Nothing much. Can you come over?

**Kageyama Tobio:** yeah be there soon

“We need to talk, Tobio,” Shimizu bombarded him as soon as he stepped foot in her apartment. 

Kageyama’s heart started to race. “Is something wrong?” He tried to remain casual.

She pursed her lips. “Come sit,” she motioned him over to the couch where they had shared many an afternoon TV binge. “Listen. I  _ know  _ you have been distant and dishonest with me lately. But I’m going to give you the opportunity to tell me the truth, here, because I know you’re not a bad person. I want to believe your heart’s in the right place, but I can’t do that unless you tell me what's been going on.”

“What are you referring to?” His hands trembled in his lap. There was no hiding his nervousness now. She had figured him out. She just wanted to hear it from his mouth.

“I know something has been going on between you and Hinata. You drew away from me in the fall, right after he came into your life. You’ve been acting different...Dejected...the past few months. Something happened between you two. No more secrets. Tell me what happened,” she had this wild look in her eyes, like she was on the verge of collapse. “Don’t I deserve that much?” 

_ You deserve so much more than I can give you.  _ “You do. You deserve the truth,” he blinked away the tears that were forming in the corners of his eyes, “It started when I decided I would try to be his friend, for the sake of the internship. He was...enticing. He made me want to know him. I can’t explain it, even to myself. But I felt drawn to him. And you wouldn’t know this, because he never does it in front of you, but Oikawa is always insinuating that I must be gay, like him. He wanted me to be gay so bad. And when I got closer to Hinata, for the first time in my life, I thought  _ what if I am _ ?” Shimizu looked like she was about to say something, so Kageyama pleaded, “Please, let me finish. Please.” She nodded and he continued, “So Hinata told me he was gay. And I told him I wasn’t sure what I was, but that I had a girlfriend. But after he got assaulted he started spending the nights in my bed. The first night, I thought he was going to kiss me. He wasn’t, but I had leaned into it. I kissed him. I had feelings for him. Feelings that I tried to ignore, that I tried to pack in a box and lock away in the back of my mind where I would never have to deal with them. But I couldn’t. And I should’ve told you. But I was scared that whatever I said would be the end. I didn’t want to lose you. But I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted anymore. I couldn't tell if I was with you because I like you or if I was with you out of comfort. So I kept seeing Hinata, and I kept seeing you. Looking for a sign, or fucking  _ something  _ to tell me what was right. Then, on New Year’s Eve, Hinata and I got drunk and we...We had sex. I felt terrible the next morning. I broke it off with him because I was convinced it was his fault that I had cheated. It was his fault that I was so confused. But so soon after I cut him off I realized that I need him in my life. As more than just a coworker. So I’m sorry, Kiyoko. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I fucked up. I fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.” 

She studied his red eyes and tear stained cheeks. His shaking hands and interlocked fingers. “Tobio,” she whispered, the sorrow in her voice torture to Kageyama, “If you’re gay, I’m glad you finally figured that out for yourself. I’m not going to be angry with you if this isn’t who you are,” she gestured to the space between them, “But I’m also not going to be someone’s consolation prize. So you have a decision to make. Now. It’s me or him.” 

An ultimatum. Kageyama knew her demand was not malicious, but for his own good. Now everything was out in the open, and all he could do was do what his heart told him was right. There would be no signs from the universe. There would be no cosmic intervention. This was all on him, and he knew what he had to do.  _ I can only fix it if you’ll let me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading yet another chapter! I'm sorry for the angst overload lol. Hope everyone is having a good start to 2021 and I will see you again soon! Please don't hesitate to reach out with any thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc. -IHA


	9. Saturday Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Kageyama get the guy?

***Incoming Call From: Kuroo Tetsuro***

“Hello?” Hinata answered, raising the phone to one ear while covering the other with his hand in an effort to block out the hustle and bustle of the train station. 

“Chibi-chan! I’m so glad you picked up,” it seemed as though Kuroo was trying to stay cool, but there was a hint of desperation in his voice that made Hinata frown, “Listen, Kageyama just came by looking for you. Good thing I was here because Kenma is in the middle of something  _ very  _ important right now so he is in no shape to answer the door--”

“What did he want?” He felt his palms becoming slick with sweat. 

“He asked where you were. I told him I wasn’t sure if you were still at the station but--”

“You told him? Idiot!”  _ I don’t want to see him. He’s made his choice.  _

“Listen, Shou, he’s good for you. We all think so. We can tell he made you happy. The happiest  _ I’ve  _ ever seen you. And you two weren’t even official!” Kuroo cooed. 

“So what? He broke it off. We were coworkers. Now we’re not. Now we’re nothing,” he sighed, willing himself not to cry.  _ Not here. Not now. I’m getting out of here and I’m coming back with a clear head. _

“Just...Hear him out. Please,” he begged, “He seemed really upset.”

“Whatever. I have to go. See ya, Kuro.”

“Later, Shouyou.” 

Hinata hung up the phone and slid it back into the pocket of his windbreaker. Just then, a roaring clap of thunder reverberated around the station, accompanied by a sudden downpour. He made his way to the front doors to get a closer look. He had always admired storms. When he was a kid his mother told him it was the Earth’s way of expressing its sorrow, a thought that stuck with him because it made the world seem a little less intimidating.  _ The planets get sad just like me. What is she so sad about today?  _ He wondered, standing under the awning of the train station, watching the rain soak pedestrians as they passed by. Some ran for cover, some let the heavy droplets sink into their clothes and skin without care. Hinata felt like he and the Earth were on the same page today.  _ You’re not alone. I’m sad too. _

“Hinata!” A familiar voice called out. The boy came bounding up to him. He stopped before the redhead, panting. 

_ Kageyama. He ran all the way here. What an idiot.  _ Hinata turned away, walking briskly back toward the station’s front entrance. 

“Wait!” Kageyama cried, still trying to catch his breath, as he grabbed hold of Hinata’s wrist and twirled him back around so they were face to face.

_ So he’s more of a “Let the rain in” kinda guy,  _ he observed the other boy’s drenched clothes and dripping hair. “What?” He replied coldly. 

“She told me it was you or her,” he said, the expression on his face only skimming the surface of the pain he was drowning in, “I thought it was her. I thought it had to be her. Because I’m a man. Because it was my ‘normal’. Because for a while...It felt right.”

Hinata scrunched his face up, eyes shut tight, not wanting to hear another word but not wanting to stop him either. 

“But it wasn’t! It wasn’t right. It wasn’t her. It’s  _ you,  _ Shouyou. From the moment I met you I should have known. Because you pulled me in. Captivated me. Because you’re a man. Because being with you is the most normal thing. Because it feels right,” his message came through loud and clear despite the hoarseness of his voice, on the verge of breaking down.

_ But why should I accept this now? After what you did to me? After how you made me feel?  _ “Why should I just come crawling back to you? You ripped my fucking heart out from my chest and stomped on it!” Hinata wailed, tears streaking his cheeks.

“You shouldn’t. I understand that it’s gonna take time. If you  _ ever _ want to see me again, that is. But I just have to let you know how I feel. I have to be honest with you now. I felt so guilty for cheating on her and I worried my whole life was about to fall apart. So I tried to stay away from you but I couldn’t because you were already inside me. You were in my head and my heart every Goddamn moment and I'm sorry that I tried to push you away. I’m so fucking sorry, Hinata. I was scared of screwing everything up. But I screwed it all up anyway. So this is me trying to fix it because I need you in my life.” 

Hinata could tell his words were sincere, but he couldn’t let go of the hurt he had felt the past three months after Kageyama ended it without any explanation. “Tell me something...That the Kageyama I knew before, the one who didn’t know what he wanted, who tried to live a double life, who kept me on the hook just to throw me away...Tell me something  _ that _ Kageyama would never have had the guts to say,” his hands clenched into fists at his sides as the tears continued to flow, “Prove to me that you’ve changed.”

For a few moments, neither of them spoke. The sound of the rain pattering on the roof and the sidewalk and the people and the people walking down the sidewalk and chattering on the phone and the trains pulling in and out of the station set the background track for their turning point. This was make or break. And in those moments, their entire relationship was flashing through Hinata’s mind like a slideshow on an old dusty projector. The good times, the best times, the bad. It was all there. He could tell Kageyama was experiencing the same thing, as he stood there sniffling, racking his brain for the perfect words. Hinata only hoped those words would be true. 

Kageyama bit his lip and nodded his head.  _ He’s found them.  _ “Do you remember,” he gulped, reaching out to place his hands on the shorter boy’s shoulders, “At your Halloween party, we were playing that game and on your turn you said, ‘Never have I ever been in love.’ I didn’t drink. You didn’t either,” there was a wild look in his dark blue eyes, as if this were the most important thing he’d ever done.

“So?” 

“If we played again. Right here, right now, and you asked me if I’ve ever been in love...I’d drink this time. I’d drink to you, the one I’m madly in love with. You make me crazy, Hinata. You and only you. Loving you is the single most euphoric feeling I have ever experienced. I can only imagine what it’s like to feel so loved in return. So I’d drink. And if you can stand here, look me in the eyes, and tell me you wouldn’t, I’ll let you go. Forever,” Kageyama laid all the cards out on the table.  _ Your move, Shouyou.  _

Hinata took a deep breath, the smell of the rain thick in the air relaxed him a little. “I’m not ready to forgive you. But I’m not ready to let you go either. I need some time,” his eyebrows furrowed as he broke eye contact, “And I have a train to catch.” He turned around and started for the entrance. This time, Kageyama let him disappear into the crowd without another word. 

The train pulled in just as Hinata made it back to the platform. One of the first to board, he stumbled to the back of the car and took a seat by the window.  _ Please, no one sit next to me.  _ He knew this wish was futile; he was leaving a college town during the season when virtually everyone was fleeing back to their hometowns or to the city or anywhere in the world but campus. 

Sure enough, as the cabin began to fill up, a tall guy with bleach-blonde hair and a devious smirk approached him. “Do you mind?” The question was just a courtesy. Hinata was fairly certain he would have sat down regardless of his reply. 

Hinata merely shook his head.  _ Yes, please join me in my pity party.  _

“Name’s Miya Atsumu. What’s yers?” He plopped down next to him. 

“Hinata Shouyou.”

“Why so glum, chum?” His wide brown eyes seared Hinata’s soul. 

_ If I talk will you stop staring at me like I’m a wounded animal?  _ “It’s nothing,” he tried to wipe away the lingering tear streaks with his sleeve. The train jolted forward and they were on their way. 

“It doesn’t look like nothin’. C’mon, yer secret’s safe with me. Lover’s quarrel?”

_ Jeez, he’s persistent. Annoying.  _ “Something like that.”

“Are ya running from her?”

“No, it’s not like that!” Hinata snapped, raising his voice. “I-I’m sorry. It’s just...Well, we weren’t like...Official or anything, but a few months ago  _ he  _ broke it off with me and just now he shows up and tells me he wants me back.”

“So what’s the plan?” Atsumu asked without missing a beat, unfazed by Hinata’s declaration of queerness.  _ How refreshing.  _

“I’m not sure yet,” he frowned. He was still raw, seeing as this all went down just minutes ago, and here he was acting like he had some sort of obligation to a total stranger on a train. “I, um…I guess I’m in love with him, so...I think I’ll try to forgive him.”  _ I suppose it’s kind of cathartic.  _

“Is it that easy?” 

_ What in the world is he getting at? Whatever. I need to talk this through so I guess he’s as good as anyone.  _ “No. But if what he told me today is true, his intentions were good. When he did what he did. He was trying to protect someone and he ended up hurting me. But he hurt himself too, so there’s that.”

“And ya love him anyway?” 

“Yeah, I do.”  _ I didn’t say that though. I left him there wondering, no clue how I felt. He showed me his heart in that moment and I showed him basically nothing. Not like I owed him anything but I can’t help but think: Am I the one hurting him now? Did I do it on purpose?  _ “Is it stupid? That I still love someone who cut me out like that?”

“I don’t think it’s stupid,” he paused, deep in thought, “If ya truly think he’s a good person who just made a mistake, and yer able to forgive him and love him despite it, I think that means yer love is strong. Resilient.”

Hinata nodded, “Thanks, Miya. That actually makes me feel a lot better.”

“Oh, people call me Atsumu, by the way. But glad I could help, Shouyou!” He grinned. 

The rain cleared up as the train left Miyagi and all the messiness of Hinata’s personal life behind.  _ I should text him,  _ he thought, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“Whatcha doin’?” Atsumu asked promptly, “Yer not texting the guy are you?” 

“How did you know?” Hinata scowled, putting his phone back irritably. 

“I’ve been there. After a fight, I know he’s on yer mind. Yer starting to feel worse about how ya left things, so it’s time for damage control, right?” He said presumptuously.  _ Ugh, this guy. He’s so cocky but somehow he’s totally got me figured out.  _ “Word from the wise: Don’t do it. The wounds are still fresh, emotions are still high. Let yer head cool first. Just talk to him when ya get back home.”

“And what makes you so wise?”

“Well, I’ve fucked up more times than I can count.”

“So why should I take your advice?!” Hinata’s expression hardened. 

“Cuz every time I make a mistake I get that much closer to figuring out how to get it right!” Atsumu crossed his arms defensively. “Listen, I’ve learned the hard way. The hard way includes lots of people gettin’ angry with you and you gettin’ angry with a lot of other people too. One thing I know for sure: You shouldn’t just go crawling back when yer still all heated from the fight. You matter ‘n whatnot.”

“I...What?” A puzzled look spread across Hinata’s face.

“So, this guy thinks yer special, yeah?” He broke out into unintelligible hand gestures, hoping it would help him get his point across.

Hinata tilted his head left to right, “I guess so.”

“Right, in his head you are golden. You deserve the world. Dontcha think you ought to look at yerself like that sometimes? Like for just a second think about how  _ you _ feel and what  _ you _ need. There’s a reason you left him back there. It’s because  _ you  _ weren’t ready yet. Don’t let him rush ya into anything. You’ll regret it later.”

Hinata sucked in his cheeks,  _ Like how I rushed him into sex on New Year’s Eve and he regretted it enough to throw it all away.  _ “Alright. To be honest I don’t totally get what you’re saying, but like...basically I should show some dignity, yeah?”

“Yes! That’s the word. That’s totally the word.  _ Dignity _ .”

He had planned to sit and wallow in his sadness the whole ride to Fukushima, watching the droplets of rain glide across the window as the train chugged through the countryside and feeling at peace with the Earth even though his head was in knots and his heart felt like it would burst. Atsumu shook things up. He would not stop talking the entire time the train was in motion. Prodding for information about Hinata’s mysterious lover. Talking up his apparently underappreciated kinesiology major. Enthusing about how he was going to visit his twin brother, who was attending a different university.  _ I guess this is better than dwelling on the Kageyama situation. I just wish I knew what he was thinking right now. _

* * *

_ I’m fairly certain of it now, _ as he trudged back to home in the pouring rain, Kageyama remembered something that came across his mind one unseasonably warm day in October, just after he had met his match:  _ Hinata Shouyou can control the weather.  _ When he stared into the redhead’s big brown eyes, the fire behind them smothered by tears, it made sense to him why he had gotten soaked on the way over to the train station:  _ He feels so deeply his emotions resonate with the Earth.  _ At least, that’s how Kageyama saw Hinata. The most exceptional force of nature he had ever known _.  _ Kageyama thought he had gotten to the bottom of the two big mysteries of life:  _ Who are you and where are you going? _ But when he met Hinata, he realized he was but a little shrimp in a vast ocean.  _ Hinata is nothing like me. He’s self assured and he embraces the unknown. His energy, how he carries himself, the way he makes me feel special even though I’m just...Me. Being with him felt more natural than anything else. Fuck why did I ever let him go?  _

When he reached the door to his apartment, Kageyama froze. He dried his face and hoped the state he was in would be attributed to the torrential downpour outside. He took a deep breath and opened the door to face his roommates, who had no idea what went on that day with Shimizu or Hinata. He wasn’t sure he was ready to explain, but he was sure that after the trouble he had gotten himself into, he was done hiding his emotions.

Oikawa turned around as Kageyama entered, took one look at him, and announced, “Tobio-chan you look like shit. Your eyes are red. Were you crying?” Iwaizumi shot him a glare that said,  _ Later we’ll work on your people skills _ .

_ Dammit, why does he have to be so blunt?  _ “Shimizu and I broke up,” Kageyama sat down cross legged on the floor next to the fireplace to warm himself up. 

“Oh man. Did something happen?” Iwaizumi asked, “Are you okay?” 

“You could say that. I don’t want to get into it too much right now, but I do have, uh...something I want to tell you guys. Something I’ve been turning over in my head the past few months...I think I finally understand now,” he sniffled, twiddling his pruney fingers in his lap. His friends nodded for him to go on. He bit his lip apprehensively and spit it out, “I’m gay.”

They both grinned and chuckled to themselves. “We know, Tobio,” Oikawa came over and sat beside him on the floor, wrapping an arm around him despite the dampness of his clothes, “I’m--I mean,  _ we’re _ proud of you for getting to this point. We know it wasn’t easy.” 

“I think you have this idea in your head,” Iwaizumi started, speaking as if he were tiptoeing through a minefield, “That you have to live up to a version of yourself that you laid out in high school...And I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, but you’re allowed to change. It’s not failure, Tobio, it’s growth. I’m glad you finally stopped trying to fight that.”

“Iwa-chan is right,” Oikawa chimed in, “And just because now you want something different than you wanted five years ago doesn’t mean that you were wrong to want that thing in the first place, it doesn’t mean it was a waste of time. It means it helped you discover what was right for you and what wasn’t. There is nothing wasteful about that.”

_ Genuine comfort from Oikawa Tooru _ . _ How rare. I’ll treasure this.  _ “Thanks guys,” Kageyama nodded, “And um, I think I will be okay. Eventually. I decided it was time for no more secrets. No more lies. So I told Hinata I’m in love with him. And he...He got on a train, said he needed time to think.”

“Dude, that’s rough,” Iwaizumi frowned, “Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t blame him. I did something bad. I tried to make it right. That’s all I can do, right? Ball’s in his court now,” as he said it out loud it became solidified in his head.  _ I am okay with this. Hinata knows how I feel. And if he doesn’t feel the same, at least I learned some important lessons: Boys are good, truth is good, feelings are complicated.  _

“We’re rooting for you,” Oikawa squeezed his shoulder.

On the outside, the corners of Kageyama’s lips turned up into a weak smile. Truly, he was grateful to have friends like these. But inside his head there was a pesky thought echoing around that he just couldn’t shake:  _ I am a little shrimp in a vast ocean. What makes you think I deserve to be loved by the sun?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone. Thanks for making it to the end of this chapter! The scene at the train station in the rain was a scene that popped into my head quite some time ago, long before I started writing this and I wasn't sure when or how to use it and then when I decided I wanted to write a KageHina fic I was like "yeah, i'll put it there" so there you go! I've been waiting a long time to get this out of my brain lol. I hope you enjoyed. -IHA


	10. Solar Powered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata returns from his trip with an answer for Kageyama. Check the chapter notes for a content warning! If you want to avoid spoilers go ahead and jump right into the chapter and skip the notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. This is going to be another spicy chapter and I'm going to leave a content warning here. 
> 
> ~~~~~~
> 
> CW // NSFW
> 
> Two adult characters have consensual, penetrative sex. The scene is very graphic and detailed. If you do not wish to read about this, stop reading at “Are we doing this?” and pick up again at "For the first time, Kageyama noticed" Sorry this is kind of a long scene.

Accepting the way Hinata had left without giving him an answer was far more difficult than Kageyama had anticipated. One day while cleaning out his closet, he came across the poster of the night sky that the redhead had gifted him for his birthday. He stowed it away when they stopped talking, but seeing it now had the memory of that night flooding back into his brain. _“_ _Every one of us is...precious...In a hundred billion galaxies, you will not find another,” he told me. We hugged. We kissed. I think that night I knew I was in love with him, I was just too much of a coward to admit it. God, how stupid could I be?_ Kageyama dusted off the framed poster with the hem of his shirt and positioned it on his bookshelf, where it sat for the few short weeks between him receiving it and him fucking everything up. _How am I supposed to be okay with being so utterly powerless when everything around me reminds me of how much I wish you were here?_

Consequently, Kageyama spent much of his spring vacation moping around the apartment, more jealous of his lovey dovey roommates than ever before. In his head he planned out the perfect first date, to show Hinata he was serious about him. Kageyama could only hope Hinata would return his feelings and give him the chance to execute his plan. He might have been setting himself up for failure by jumping the gun like this, but if he was going to daydream about the guy anyway, it might as well be mildly productive. 

When Kageyama’s eyes blinked opened for the first time on Saturday, April 12th, exactly one week after their scene at the train station, the thought  _ Hinata’s coming home today  _ was already bouncing around in his skull. He didn’t know when the boy would return, much less what would happen when he did, but Kageyama made sure to rise early, trading the comfort of his bed for a tepid shower the at the ripe hour of 8:00. As he was sliding on his best fitting pair of black jeans, his phone lit up. 

**Sat, Apr 12, 8:22 AM**

**Hinata Shouyou:** Hey. I just got off the train. Do you mind if I drop by when I get to the building? 

**Kageyama Tobio:** i don’t mind

**Kageyama Tobio:** i’ve missed you

His heart fluttered after he hit send on the second message.  _ Shit. I only have, what? Twenty minutes before he shows up? Shit.  _ He scrambled to tuck a blue and white striped button up shirt into his pants and blow dry his dripping wet hair. As a finishing touch, he quickly spritzed his neck and wrists with body spray before making his way to the living room to wait anxiously for the knock on the door. 

“Well, well. Doesn’t Tobio-chan look nice today?” Oikawa asked rhetorically, scanning him up and down. “Favorite shirt, too. What’s the occasion?” 

Kageyama grinned awkwardly, accepting the compliment, however snarky. “Hinata’s back in Miyagi. He’ll be here any minute now,” he admitted, a pinkness coming over his cheeks.

“I see,” he studied the expression on his roommate’s face, “You should try to relax. I’m sure everything will be fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” he scowled, “You never had to try to get someone to like you! Hajime was always just... _ there _ !” 

Oikawa’s pupils grew and his brows furrowed, “First of all, I don’t even have time to unpack how wrong you are about me and Iwa-chan. Don’t act like you’re the expert on me, Tobio. There’s a lot you don’t know. And second, Hinata already likes you. It’s  _ forgiveness  _ and  _ trust  _ that you have to work at now.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Kageyama’s gaze fell to the floor, “I’m just nervous. Because I’ve already screwed up once...I feel like one wrong move and it’ll all be over again. That scares the shit out of me.”

“I forgive you,” he clapped his hands together and his expression softened, “See, it’s not so hard. Just be honest and vulnerable with the other person and hopefully they will see your point of view and accept that you acted for your own reasons, good, stupid, or otherwise.”

Kageyama nodded.  _ I can do this. I can get him back.  _

The pep talk came just in time, because moments later there was a meek rapping on the front door. Kageyama had dreamed about this reunion several times while they were apart. Each time he ended up begging on his knees for Hinata’s forgiveness while the redhead told him over and over, “I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. Please just leave me alone.” The same words Kageyama had furiously typed out and sent back in January.  _ I was in no mind to be making off the cuff declarations like that. Fuck, I get so idiotic when I’m angry. I need to learn to control myself. Hinata deserves better than an asshole who can’t handle his own emotions.  _ He approached the door slowly, psyching himself up to face the boy he loved. The boy he hurt.  _ How did I let the person I love be the person I hurt?  _ He shook it off.  _ That’s not what matters right now. What matters is making it right. Making sure he knows I will never hurt him again.  _ Kageyama turned the knob and swung open the door to reveal Hinata. A faint grin on his lips, eyes full of wonder, as always. It took a mountain of restraint to stop Kageyama from wrapping his arms around the boy.  _ If I do that now...I might not be able to let go.  _ He noticed a duffel bag on the floor next to Hinata’s sneakered feet, and backpack straps over his shoulders.  _ He didn’t even go up to his place yet. Not even to put his luggage down.  _

“Hi,” Hinata broke the silence, his voice strikingly calm.

“H-hey,” Kageyama gulped.  _ Your coward is showing. Get a grip. _

“So I did a lot of thinking over the past week,” he rocked back and forth on his heels, “And I want to be with you. I do. But it has to be different this time. I’m not going to be your secret and you’re not going to freak out and push me away. So let’s start over. Be the you that you would have been if you were single when we met.” 

“What does that--”

“Hi,” he cut him off, his mouth forming that big, bright, beautiful smile of his, “I’m Hinata Shouyou, I live upstairs. And you?” He held out his small hand to Kageyama.

Despite his bewilderment, he reached out and grasped Hinata’s hand, giving it a gentle but firm shake.  _ Well he’s letting me touch him, so that’s a good sign, right?  _ “Kageyama Tobio. I live right here,” he couldn’t hold back a smirk, pausing apprehensively before deciding to do something the Kageyama he was in October--Hell, the Kageyama two weeks ago--wouldn’t have done. “Uh, sorry if this seems too forward, but I’m trying to be more open about my feelings with people so I have to tell you: I think I’m in love with you.” 

Hinata’s jaw fell. “Wow. Is that so?” He played along.

“Yes sir. I was wondering if maybe you would let me take you out later?” 

“I’d like that very much,” his warm brown eyes reassured Kageyama that his words were genuine.

Before his brain could catch up, his heart spit out the words: “I’ll pick you up at six.”

“See you then, Kageyama,” Hinata picked up his bag and waved goodbye as he started down the corridor.

Kageyama stood there with the door open for a few moments longer, trying to convince himself this wasn’t another one of his dreams. That really happened.  _ A second chance.  _

“Lucky, lucky,” Oikawa turned his head slowly from side to side, “So what now? Do you actually have any idea what you’re doing?” 

“If you must know,” Kageyama matched Oikawa’s attitude with his tone, “I know exactly what I’m doing. Volleyball in the park. Breakfast for dinner. Stargazing. Kiss goodnight.”

“Sounds romantic. For you, I mean.”

“Those are his favorite things, so what could go wrong? Besides, I don’t want to do anything that will make him feel unsafe. As far as I know, the last time he went on a date was the night he was assaulted.”

Oikawa froze. “That’s good of you. I suppose you can be quite attentive when you care about someone.”

“I care about him a lot. That’s why I need to make him see that I’m serious about him.”

“I’d wish you luck, but to be honest it doesn’t seem like you need it,” he smirked, “I can already tell this has all changed you for the better.”

“I just wish I hadn’t hurt someone I love in the process,” Kageyama sighed.

“You’ll make it right. I know you will,” Oikawa squeezed his arm reassuringly.

“Now if you’ll excuse me I have some overthinking to do,” he wished he was joking, but Kageyama was still worried that one wrong move would send him tumbling down to the point of no return. He would not be able to catch his breath until Hinata was officially his.

_ Trust and forgiveness. I can earn them. I  _ will _ earn them. All I have to do is show him that I’ve changed my ways but also that I’m still the same guy he was attracted to in the first place, no sweat, right? Everything’s going to be fine. Totally fine. Absolutely.  _ His mind raced as he climbed the stairs to Hinata’s floor.  _ Deep breaths,  _ he told himself as he approached the door labelled 312. He couldn’t ignore how slick his palms already were as he lifted his fist to knock. 

Hinata answered the door with alarming speed.  _ Someone doesn’t care about being perceived as desperate. Not like it bothers me that he’s so eager. Maybe I should try not to care so much about how others see me. Hell, not wanting to admit that I’m gay got me into  _ this _ mess.  _ “Kageyama? Why are you staring at me like that?” 

He snapped out of it, jolting to attention. “Oh, uh...S-sorry. To be, um,  _ honest,  _ you know, I’m pretty nervous. You make me nervous.” Hinata opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get a word out, Kageyama jumped back in, realizing how that last part must have sounded, “I just mean, ah, because I like you. A lot. And I don’t want to mess this up. That’s what makes me nervous.”

He nodded slowly, “I get it. That’s how I used to feel before all of my volleyball games when I first started. It’ll be better than you think, so just...Try to relax, okay? Now,” he clapped his hands together, “Where’re we going?” 

“First stop is the park,” Kageyama told him, trying to discreetly dry his sweaty hands on his jeans, “Volleyball?” The wide smile that came across Hinata’s face as he said this dissipated some of the tension in his shoulders.

Just how they used to, the pair walked side by side through campus to the local park. Spring was in full force. Flowers budding along the sidewalks and windowsills. A gentle breeze drifting through the air, mitigating the heat that radiated from the sun, still high in the sky at this hour. A refreshing shade of green overpowering the landscape that, just weeks ago, had been brisk and bleak. Their hands brushed each other, but neither jerked away.  _ He’s standing close, he’s letting it happen,  _ the pleasant observations fueled the spring in Kageyama’s step. 

“So how serious are you about the whole ‘starting over’ thing?” Kageyama asked after a period of only slightly awkward silence.

Hinata chuckled, “Dumbass that was just a gesture. I don’t need a recap of the details I already know about your boring life!” Kageyama frowned at this comment. “I just meant that I don’t want it to feel like something bad happened between us. I want to move past that part so we can have a real shot, yeah?”

“As much as I hate knowing I hurt you, I don’t want to just...Forget. Fucking up like that made me realize how much I don’t want to lose you. How could I forget that?” Kageyama bit his lip.

“Hey, I’m not saying you should forget. I’m saying I don’t want you to look at me like I’m damaged, especially not because of you. I’m not so fragile, Kageyama. So let’s start over, knowing that there were some mistakes made, but determined to not let them get in the way of what we are building now. Okay?” He held his hand out as a peace offering.

Kageyama wiped the sweat from his hand once more and reached out to Hinata, locking their fingers together and squeezing the smaller boy’s hand tenderly. “Okay. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Everything. Being you. Liking me. Trying to forgive me like this.”

“You don’t have to thank me, silly. I just do what feels like the most natural thing.”

_ He is the most incredible person and he doesn’t even have to try. What in the world does he see in me? _

After traversing the winding paths of the Karasuno park, the couple reached the edge of the sand pit that was home to a raggedy volleyball net that looked like it hadn’t been used since old man Ukai was a student there. 

“Would you rather do passing or spiking?” Kageyama asked as he slung his bag off his shoulders and produced a pristine volleyball. 

“Uh, I’m not really dressed for either,” Hinata motioned to his outfit. Black and white plaid pants and the beige sweatshirt that he often wore when they weren’t at work. 

“Dumbass, it’s just for fun. You don’t even have to work up a sweat,” he removed his sneakers and set foot on the sand. It was cool between his toes, as the court was shaded by large, blossoming, cherry trees all around.

“If you say so,” he pulled his hoodie over his head, revealing a white t-shirt that rode up so his midriff was showing. He then began unlacing his shoes, “My passing always needs work, let’s start with that.”

“You’ve got that right,” Kageyama grinned, but truly he was still focused on the glimpse he’d gotten of Hinata’s abs just then. 

“Oi, just send it here!” Hinata growled, beckoning the ball.

Time slipped away as they bumped and set the ball back and forth playfully.  _ Volleyball was a good idea. He seems to be enjoying himself,  _ Kageyama observed as the redhead’s expressions bounced rapidly between determined focus and unabashed joy. After a while, Hinata declared that passing had gotten old and he was ready to move on to spiking. However, this grew tiresome quickly, as neither of them were accustomed to jumping on sand, so they decided to call it quits.

“Where to next, Romeo?” Hinata tied his sweatshirt around his waist and eagerly linked arms with Kageyama.

“I’m taking you to the diner,” he repressed the instinctual urge to bat Hinata’s arm away from him.  _ He’s into me. I’m into him. There’s nothing wrong with this, idiot. _

“Hey! That’s where we went on our first date!” Hinata beamed.

“That wasn’t a date!” Kageyama retorted, “ _ This  _ is our first date!”

“It may as well have been a date,” he looked to the side, suggestively, “But whatever you say, Tobio.”

Kageyama blushed. His heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name on the other boy’s lips.

“Can I still call you that?” He asked, catching on to the way the taller boy tensed up.

“Y-yeah. Sorry. Call me whatever you want,” he scratched the back of his head awkwardly, “Shouyou.”

Hinata shifted his gaze back to his date and smiled.

The sun hadn’t set yet, and Kageyama relished in the way its golden rays cut through the trees and hit Hinata’s face just right, kissing his pale skin and making his bright orange hair glow.  _ He’s breathtaking. God, being with someone like him makes me feel all the more...Average. Unremarkable. _

As they entered the restaurant, neither were surprised to see Suga behind the host’s podium. He tried to act normal, though Kageyama noticed how his eyes widened when he saw them waltz in, arm in arm. “Woah, hey guys! It’s been a minute,” he greeted them with a smirk, sliding menus out of the stack. “Just the two of you?” 

“Hey Suga. Yeah, it’s just us,” Kageyama said nonchalantly, “We’re actually on our first date.”  _ Okay.  _ What  _ has gotten into me? This whole honesty thing has turned me into an oversharing fool! _

Hinata blushed, “Suga didn’t need to know that.”

“Well I’m sure he was wondering, you clinging to me like that and all,” Kageyama uttered, defensively.

“Okay! Good for you, now let’s get you a table!” Suga interrupted their spat, leading them to the same corner booth they occupied previously. 

The diner hadn’t changed at all in the months since Kageyama and Hinata had met. However, on this Saturday night it was far more crowded than that quiet Tuesday afternoon when the two coworkers became fast friends over lunch.  _ Coworkers to friends to lovers to coworkers to nothing to lovers. Yikes, that does  _ not _ have a good ring to it. _

“Asahi will be with you shortly. You two enjoy your date,” Suga winked before returning to his post.

“So why Ukai’s Diner?” Hinata asked, swirling a straw around in his water.

“Well I hear they have good tamago gohan. I know that’s your favorite,” Kageyama twiddled his fingers under the table where the other boy couldn’t see.

“You remembered!” His face lit up.

“Of course, dumbass.”

“Y’know, I’m really glad we’re making up and all,” Hinata’s expression hardened, “No offense, but working with you the past few months has been really hard. I would hate having to go on like that over the summer.”

“Over the summer?” Somehow the entire prospect of the summer job at the firm had slipped his mind since Hinata left him at the train station in the rain.  _ It’s not my job, though. It’s yours, Hinata.  _

“Yeah? Didn’t you see the email?” He raised an eyebrow.

_ Well fuck.  _ “No, I uh...My roommates were trying to keep me off my phone recently. They were worried I’d do something drastic like text you or whatever,”  _ this is so embarrassing,  _ “W-what did it say?” 

“Oh my God! I can’t believe you haven’t checked!” He teased, “We both got a job, dumbass. The competition was just a ploy to make us work harder or something. So don’t even think about breaking my heart again.” He stuck out his pointer finger and poked Kageyama in the chest.

“But I--”

“Aren’t you happy?” He frowned, “One step closer to your dream, right?” 

“I am, I am. It’s just that,” he swallowed hard, “On my way to the train station that day I called Mr. Ukai. He didn’t pick up, so I left a message. I told him to give you the job. Said you deserved it more.”

Hinata’s jaw practically hit the floor. The look of pity in his eyes was unbearable. “But law is your thing! It’s what you’ve always wanted! How could you just throw away that chance?” 

“But you see, Shouyou, I wasn’t throwing anything away,” he reached across the table to grab Hinata’s hands, “I guess in the moment I was thinking that for the past few years my heart has been in the idea of being a lawyer, and I wanted to give my heart to  _ you _ . So I told Ukai to give you the spot. I thought that way you’d know how serious I was about you. More serious than I’ve ever been about anything in my life.”

“You idiot! I don’t want you jeopardizing your career over me!”

“Well I guess it all worked out, didn’t it?” Kageyama grinned, “We’re gonna be coworkers again.” 

Hinata sighed, “You’re crazy.”

“Crazy about you, yeah.”

“Oh my God, Kageyama, when did you become such a cliche?” He laughed. 

“Do you not like it?” He narrowed his eyes.

“No, no. I do. If it’s you, I like it,” Hinata’s cheeks turned scarlet as he rubbed Kageyama’s hand with his thumb. 

* * *

“I’m stuffed!” Hinata exclaimed as they stumbled out of the diner, “I forgot how good their food was. Thanks for dinner, by the way.”

“Anything for you.”  _ Ugh that sounds so cheesy. It’s true though. I’d do anything. If that makes me cheesy then so be it.  _

“Are we going home now?” The redhead asked as he slid his sweatshirt back on and shoved his hands into the pocket. 

It was nearly 9:00 now, and the only lights left outside were the fluorescent beams of street lamps and the hazy glow escaping the windows of houses who had not yet sunk into sleep. And the twinkling of the stars, of course.  _ Perfect timing,  _ Kageyama thought to himself, glancing up to the heavens. 

“Kind of,” Kageyama answered, his gaze still fixed at the sky, “Have you ever been on the roof of the apartment building?” 

“No? Have you?” 

“Yeah, lots of times,” he reminisced, “It’s quiet up there. The view is pretty nice. Whenever I need to be alone that’s where I go. ”

“Not like...Your bedroom?” He shot the dark haired boy a quizzical look.

“You’ve met my roommates, right? They don’t really understand boundaries. Not Oikawa, at least.” 

He chortled, “I see that.” 

After climbing up six flights of stairs to the very top of their building, Kageyama swung open the roof access door, revealing a stretch of bare concrete, blemished only by several pieces of maintenance hardware that stuck out sporadically. Kageyama wandered over to the center of the slab, unzipped his bag once more, and pulled out a thick tartan blanket and two small, circular pillows. 

“So where’s this amazing view you were on about?” Hinata peered over the edge of the roof, at the sprawling acres of lecture halls and dormitories.

“It’s not over there, dumbass. Come lay down,” Kageyama patted the spot next to him on the blanket. Hinata walked over to where the other boy was sitting and joined him on the ground. Then, the taller boy laid back, resting his head on one of the pillows and motioning for the redhead to follow suit, which he did without hesitation. The blanket did little to protect their backs from the chill of the cement. Though the crystal clear view of the freckled darkness above was worth every discomfort. 

“Wow,” Hinata whispered, his eyes widening to take it all in.

“I thought you might like it,” he brushed the smaller boy’s hand with his pinky finger. Hinata took the hint, wrapping his hand around Kageyama’s so their fingers interlocked tightly. The warmth of their hands pressed together, combined with the sheer elation he felt as he laid peacefully with the boy he loved by his side, was enough to make Kageyama forget about the coldness of the ground beneath him. 

“I love it,” he briefly looked over to his partner before returning his eyes to the sky.

“Good,” he mumbled. 

Time fell away as they stared into the sparkling abyss, only the soft sounds of their breathing and the hum of traffic six stories below. All was well, except for the thought that had been buzzing around in the back of his mind since Hinata had agreed to go out with him that morning:  _ Why me? _ He felt a lump growing in his throat, the culmination of months of self-doubt and cowardice. He sucked his teeth, tried to cast the negativity in his head away so he could be present.  _ He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t think you were worth his time. But what is that, exactly? I wish I knew what he was thinking right now. That way maybe I-- _

“Something on your mind?” Hinata turned his head to face him, “You’re shaking a little.”

“Uh...Yeah, actually. I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t notice,” he felt the other boy’s eyes on him like laser beams, but didn’t turn to meet his gaze. What he was about to say would be easier if he were speaking to the stars.  _ I guess this feels better than trying to play it off like nothing’s wrong. _ __

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” He squeezed his hand.

Kageyama nodded.  _ Please don’t let this change how you think of me. Please.  _ His mouth hung open for a few moments before he worked up the courage to speak. “So I’ve been thinking that maybe part of the reason I was clinging so hard to my relationship with Kiyoko and this whole mundane life I had planned out was that I thought I didn’t deserve anything more,” he paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, “Recently I’ve decided that I deserve whatever I can earn on my own terms. So if you really want to be with me, I’m done holding myself back. But at the same time I can’t help but wonder why you, radiant, passionate, extraordinary,  _ you, _ chose to be here with plain, boring, unremarkable me. I would hate to have you feel like you were settling for normal when what you deserve is out-of-this-world  _ exceptional _ .” 

“Look at me,” he commanded. Kageyama did as he was told, turning his head so his dark blue eyes peered deep into the shorter boy’s caramel brown ones. Hinata’s brows furrowed and the corners of his mouth were turned down. “On your birthday I told you that in a hundred billion galaxies there will never be another like you. Clearly that didn’t sink into your thick skull so let’s try this again,” he stared intently into the other boy’s eyes, “Kageyama Tobio, you are made of stardust. Same as me. No matter how ordinary or obsolete you feel, you are no less significant than I am. Sure, we can all be considered nothing if you think of the big picture. When it all boils down, we are each but a tiny blip on the radar of space and time...Yet every single person on this planet, each one so uniquely different from the others, has touched the heart of someone else. In return, every heart has  _ been _ touched by someone else. And I choose to see that as something. Something remarkable, even. And maybe I can’t put a finger on what it is about you that makes my heart flutter when we touch, or my palms sweat when you look at me the way you are right now. But I don’t ever want to hear you say you’re not special. It’s insulting. Because you’ve touched my heart, Tobio, and I think what we have is the most special thing of all.”

“That was a lot,” was all Kageyama could manage. He swore Hinata could hear the sound of his heartbeat thumping hard against his ribs. 

“Sorry,” Hinata sniffled, drawing attention to the water pooling at the edges of his eyes.

“Hey, don’t cry,” he took his free hand and cupped the boy’s face.

“I can’t help it!” Because of the angle he was laying, tears rolled awkwardly off his nose into the space between them. “You make me all emotional.”

Kageyama pulled Hinata closer, wrapping his arms around his small frame. “Shhh.”

After crying quietly into the taller boy’s chest for a few minutes, Hinata wiped his tears and stated, “I would drink.”

“Huh?” 

“The train station. You asked if we were playing that game again and someone said, ‘Never have I ever been in love’...I would drink this time,” he sighed contently, “I thought you might want to know.”

Kageyama buried his face into Hinata’s mess of ginger hair, “And I will never let you go ever again.”

* * *

The two were glued to each other the entire way down to the third floor. The corridor seemed shorter that night, as before they knew it, they were standing outside room twelve and gearing up to part ways, thus ending the best date either of them could have asked for. 

“Can I kiss you goodnight?” Kageyama asked in a whisper, not wanting to disturb any other tenants. 

“I’d be worried if you didn’t,” Hinata grinned.

Kageyama leaned down to meet the shorter boy’s lips, a taste he had deprived himself of for far too long. They held each other in a sweet embrace, two stars shining brighter for each other. 

“Hey, uh...You don’t have class tomorrow right? Since the internship ended?” Hinata asked suggestively.

“No, why?” 

“Did you want to maybe come inside?” He bit his lip, “I’m not quite ready for this night to end.” There was fire behind his eyes. 

“I’d love to.” 

Hinata unlocked the door and the pair entered the dark apartment. It was the same as Kageyama remembered it from the days when he was over almost every day. Video game controllers scattered around the living room. Brightly colored dishes left lying about. Lemon scented air fresheners trying hard to mask the college guy odor that lingered in every room. This place had come to be a second home to Kageyama when things were good between them.  _ I suppose I’ll be coming over here a lot more again. I’ve missed it. It feels like taking a walk through Hinata’s mind.  _

“Kenma told me he’d be staying late at Kuroo’s tonight.  _ Studying,  _ they say,” Hinata pulled off his sneakers without untying them and plopped them on a rack by the door, “Yeah, right.”

_ How convenient,  _ Kageyama thought to himself as a wave of worry washed over him.  _ Does he expect us to do  _ those  _ kinds of things tonight? Am I even ready for that? I wouldn’t even know what to do. He doesn’t even know he took my virginity last time. Oh God,  _ last time.  _ What a disaster. Is he worried I’ll leave him afterwards? I would be. He seems fine though. How can he be so calm if that’s what he’s planning? _

“Earth to Kageyama!” The redhead waved a hand in front of his face. 

He blinked to attention, “Sorry. I guess I spaced out for a second there.” _What is wrong with me? Jesus, he must think I’m a total weirdo._

“No kidding,” he laughed, “C’mere I want to show you something.” He took Kageyama’s hand and dragged him back to his bedroom. 

_ This is definitely what I think it is. I don’t even know what to think about it. I mean...I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it. I just didn’t think it’d be happening tonight.  _

“Tada!” He cheered, opening the door to reveal his own night sky map poster hanging on the wall above his bed. “Yamaguchi got it for me because I wouldn’t shut up about how cool yours was.”

_ June 21, 1996 - Miyagi, Japan,  _ he read.  _ A summer birthday. Of course. How didn’t I know his birthday until now? I guess I’m kind of a terrible friend.  _ “To be honest it looks a lot like mine,” Kageyama admitted, kind of unimpressed.

“Well then you’ll have to take a look at them side by side because that’s where you’re wrong,” he flopped down on the bed, arms crossed defiantly.

“Is that so?” He mimicked Hinata’s moves.

“They all look like random jumbles of white specks, but if you look close you can see how different each one is. That’s what’s so cool about it. It’s kinda like how people are, too.”

“Is that really why you brought me back here?” Kageyama asked, leaning in a little closer to the other boy, “To show me your poster?” 

He smirked, and whispered, “No.”

“What else did you have in mind, then?” 

The smaller boy then climbed onto Kageyama’s lap, straddling him before he could process what was going on.  _ This is seriously happening right now, he wants to do it,  _ he blushed, worried his thoughts were written all over his face. 

“Hi,” Kageyama gulped.

“Hi,” Hinata whispered sweetly.

“Um...I’m not saying you shouldn’t do whatever ah...Whatever it is you’re doing, or planning on doing...I just feel like I should tell you that uh...The last time, on New Year’s Eve? That was my first time doing anything like that, so…” He muttered, cringing at his own awkwardness. 

“For real?” Hinata looked confused.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, uh...I just thought because you were in a long term relationship and all...But it’s fine! I mean, me too. It was my first time too.”

Kageyama’s mouth fell open a little. “No way.”

“No way?” 

“No, that’s--I just mean you seemed confident, for a virgin. God, I need to shut up.”

Hinata chuckled, “It’s all good. Anyway,” he wrapped his arms around Kageyama’s neck and moved in so their foreheads were touching “I was thinking...We have three months of distance to make up for.”

_ His face is so close. There’s no way I look good this close up. He’s beautiful though. Of course he is.  _ “What do you mean?” 

“I mean I’ve missed you. Missed touching you,” he slid his hands, still cold from the time spent up on the roof, under Kageyama’s shirt and up his back. “I can tell you’ve missed me too,” he whispered, looking down at the other boy’s crotch, where his jeans had grown tighter. 

“More than you’ll ever know,” he replied, grabbing the hem of Hinata’s sweatshirt and yanking it over his head, letting it take his t-shirt with it.  _ Woah. I know I’ve seen him shirtless before, but woah.  _

“Are we doing this?” He asked suggestively.

“Yes,” he nodded.  _ Yes yes yes yes yes.  _

“I’ll be right back,” Hinata slid off his lap, “I think I know where Kenma keeps his condoms and lube.”

_ Oh my God. We’re going to have sex. Like,  _ sex,  _ sex this time,  _ his heart raced, but not in the way that made him feel like the earth beneath him might spontaneously split apart. No. His heart raced in the way that told him he was with someone tremendously special. That told him,  _ Don’t fuck this up.  _ That told him,  _ You’re in love. _

_ Yeah,  _ he decided,  _ I’m ready for this. _

As quickly as he had left, Hinata returned with the smuggled goods. “So do you want to be on top or…?” His voice trailed off as he pulled his pants off and deposited them in a pile by the closet. 

Kageyama’s already rosy cheeks went full vermillion. “Um. Shit. I guess? Up until a couple months ago I thought I was straight so...Yeah?” He followed his partner’s lead, removing his jeans and tossing them aside. 

“I figured,” he laid down on the bed once more, placing the bottle of lube and the wrapped condom on the nightstand. “Well kiss me or something, jeez,” Hinata grinned, pulling the taller boy on top of him and bashing their lips together.

_ Yeah I’m already no good at this. Just try to be natural. Relax,  _ he told himself. He let the redhead’s passionate energy envelop him, empowering him to take control. He slid off the other boy’s underwear, then his own. Kageyama took a deep breath before trailing kisses down Hinata’s petite but muscular abdomen. When he reached the bottom, he licked the length of Hinata’s cock before taking it in his mouth. He grabbed the lube off the table and squirted some onto his index finger. “Are you ready?” He mumbled, incoherent because of the mouthful of dick. 

Hinata nodded, covering his mouth and clenching his eyes shut. 

_ He’s embarrassed. Or scared. Or both?  _ “I’ll go slow,” he reassured him before sliding a finger into his ass. “You okay?”

“Yeah, you can move. Just...Be gentle.”

Kageyama began to massage Hinata’s insides with the pad of his finger, eliciting a gasp and a deep moan from the redhead. He smirked and started to move a little faster. “Ready for another one?” 

“Mhm,” he groaned, his legs already shaking.

They repeated the process until Hinata was good and loose, at which point Kageyama removed his fingers, wiped them off with a tissue, tore open the condom wrapper, and slid the condom over his throbbing penis. 

“Is this position good, do you think?” Hinata asked, his face redder than his hair.

“Yeah, if you’re okay with it,” Kageyama smiled faintly, “I want to see your face.”

“That’s so dirty, Kageyama.”

“Call me Tobio.”

“Alright, then. Put it in,  _ Tobio _ ,” Hinata grabbed him by the hips and drew him closer.

“Don’t tell me what to do,  _ Shouyou,”  _ he said, gradually slipping his erection into Hinata’s pulsing asshole anyway. 

“Gwaahh!” An involuntary whimper escaped Hinata’s lips, causing him to throw his hand back over his mouth. 

“Is it okay?” Kageyama asked, worried he had hurt him.

“Y-yeah. It’s just uh...Big,” he swallowed, “Keep going.”

_ Okay I guess he can tell me what to do,  _ Kageyama conceded. He thrusted, careful and shallow, into Hinata at first, but the redhead’s moans fueled Kageyama’s arousal, making him lose all sense of control. Eventually, he was thrusting deep and fast and all of a sudden--

“Ahh, Tobio I’m cumming!” Hinata cried, quivering all over as ejaculate spilled out across his stomach. 

All of this brought on a series of muscle contractions that squeezed Kageyama just right, sending him over the edge. “Me too,” he groaned, his cock lurching deeper into his partner as he rode out his orgasm. “Fuck,” he panted, falling beside Hinata on the bed. 

“How was it?” Hinata asked, grabbing two tissues so they could clean themselves up. 

“You’re amazing,” Kageyama beamed, still out of breath and just now realizing how sore his legs already were, “Seriously. Absolutely stunning.”

“You’re not too bad yourself,” he smiled, resting his head on the taller boy’s chest.

“The look on your face a minute ago tells me I was a little better than ‘not too bad,’” he smirked. 

“Yeah, whatever.”

“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed,” he, “And all the other times, too.”

“Don’t talk about it!” He whined.

For the first time, Kageyama noticed the glow in the dark stars pasted on the ceiling. They had never laid in his bed together like this, so he’d never paid attention.  _ He sure is into all this space stuff.  _ Then a lightbulb went off in his head.

“Have you ever thought about a career in astronomy?” Kageyama asked.

“Not really.”

“Maybe you should,” he ran his fingers through Hinata’s tangled hair, “Isn’t it kind of obvious?”

“I actually only got into that kind of stuff, stars and whatnot, after taking Astro 120.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah. That was around the same time I met you,” he said bashfully, “All of these things about the universe and outer space...Sure, they were always interesting. But they meant so much more when I was in love. The universe became a brighter place, I think. If any of that even makes sense”

“It does. I understand perfectly.”

After cleaning up properly, they cuddled in bed for a while longer. They held each other tight, savoring the warmth of their soft, bare skin pressed together. Moments away from closing their eyes on the best day in recent history.

“Kageyama?” Hinata whispered drowsily, his voice barely audible. 

“Hmm?” 

“What’s gonna happen tomorrow?” His voice broke.

_ So he is still worried I’ll leave him. Can’t blame him, really. All I can do is try to fix it.  _ Kageyama sighed, “Well, I’m gonna wake up next to you. I’ll say ‘Good morning, Shou.’ Then I’ll tell you I love you. And that I’m not going anywhere. Ever again. And then later I’ll fall asleep next to you again. And I’ll repeat all that. Everyday. For as long as you’ll let me.” 

“Promise?” 

“Hinata Shouyou,” Kageyama cupped his face, determined to make him believe his words were sincere, “You make this emptiness bearable. To let you go once was the biggest mistake I’ve made to date. To let you go  _ twice  _ would make me the biggest fool that ever lived. Yes, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, friends. I'm sad to say that we are nearly at the end of this journey. I hope you are all enjoying yourselves along the way, though. Thank you for reading and remember to comment if you have any thoughts to share! - IHA


	11. ...And Beyond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read, here is a logistical note to avoid confusion:
> 
> This chapter features a wedding between two men. I am aware that gay marriage is not legal in Japan, but I did my research and found that some prefectures allow same sex couples to get a partnership certificate that grants them some rights that are given to married couples (https://www.nippon.com/en/japan-data/h00860/). This is what the wedding is celebrating, not an official marriage, but the partnership certificate. A wedding is just a party to celebrate a couple anyway.

**May 9th, Three Years Later…**

“I’m told Hajime first asked Tooru to be his ‘bride,’ when they were about nine years old. To which Tooru replied, ‘Ask me when we’re older, Iwa-chan!’” The crowd burst out into laughter at this anecdote. Kageyama paused, waiting for the room to settle down, “That means this wedding is sixteen years in the making. For sixteen years Hajime has known that he was meant to be with Tooru. But the length of their relationship isn’t what makes them such a special pair. It’s the  _ depth.  _ It’s the unconditional love despite knowing every in and out of the other person. It’s the patience and loyalty that it takes to know someone fully. It’s waking up every day for sixteen years and thinking  _ you are the only person on this Earth for me.  _ Now I, for one, am just a little jealous. To have met your match so young, had the opportunity to know them throughout some of the most formative years of their life, it makes the bond between Tooru and Hajime truly unbreakable.” He paused, grinning lovingly at the happy couple. “One time at a volleyball tournament in high school, I was looking for the bathroom, but I got lost in this quiet part of the building. I didn’t see anyone around, but I heard this soft singing, somewhere down the corridor. I peeked my head around a corner and I saw them there, sitting on the floor. I knew immediately that I wasn’t supposed to see that, but later I asked them about it, and it turns out Tooru was singing Hajime’s favorite song to him to calm him down before our big match. None of us on the team ever knew our ace was the type to get pre-game jitters, except Tooru. I guess that was the moment I realized that what these two had was something else. Something people spent their whole lives searching for. An indescribable kind of love that seemed foreign to me, until I experienced it myself,” he stared into Hinata’s wide eyes as he said this, then returned his gaze to the grooms, “So thank you Iwaizumi Hajime for asking Oikawa Tooru to marry you not once, but twice,” more laughter erupted, “and thank you Tooru for saying yes the second time. And I think I speak for everyone when I say, thank you Hajime for finally finishing medical school so we could get this wedding in motion at last. The two of you show us all what love is supposed to look like and we are so glad to be able to celebrate with you today.” Kageyama nodded to the couple before handing off the microphone and returning to his seat.

The room broke out into a roaring applause that made Kageyama’s cheeks warm. Hinata patted him on the back and gave an approving smile. 

“Thank you, best man Tobio-chan!” Oikawa cried, wiping tears away from the corners of his eyes.

After dinner, everyone migrated to the dance floor. The hotel ballroom was decorated floor to ceiling with fairy lights and flowers in burgundy, teal, and white, just as Iwaizumi had described to Kageyama way back when.  _ He’s living out his dream wedding. Man, if anyone deserves this it’s them,  _ he thought, reminiscing on the speech he had just given and all the hours he spent trying to work his way to the core of Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s one of a kind relationship. The small crowd of guests formed a circle around the dance floor, anxiously awaiting the newlyweds’ first dance.

“For the record,” Iwaizumi announced as he stepped into the center of the circle, hand in hand with Oikawa, “I had nothing to do with the song choice. That’s all  _ my husband _ ” 

Oikawa delighted in his use of the word  _ husband,  _ before realizing it had been a jab at him. He elbowed Iwaizumi in the ribs and declared, “You’re gonna dance to the song with me and you’re gonna like it!” 

He sighed, and the DJ started blasting “Love Song” by Taylor Swift over the speakers. 

“What did Iwa mean by that?” Hinata whispered to Kageyama as the grooms glided across the dance floor. 

“Apparently they made a deal that if Iwa got to pick the venue, Oikawa got to pick the song for their first dance,” Kageyama whispered in reply, “I guess Iwa really had his heart set on Fukuroda Falls.” He smirked, watching the pair in the center of the circle laughing as they stared into each others’ eyes.  _ In this moment I swear they are the two happiest idiots in the world.  _

The couple took a bow as they finished their dance. Oikawa ran over to the corner of the room and returned with flowers in hand. “Now, before we get this party started for real, it’s time for the bouquet toss!” His enthusiasm was met with a series of groans and eye rolls from the group. “Hey! It’s  _ my _ wedding, so I’m gonna throw these flowers and one of you bitches is gonna catch them! Gather ‘round!” 

“All of us?” Kyotani, a friend from their high school volleyball team, grumbled. 

“The only way you’re getting out of this is if you’re already married,” Iwaizumi gave him a lighthearted slap on the back.

Kyotani scowled and joined the rest of the bachelors and bachelorettes. 

“Okay, here it comes!” Oikawa cheered, sending the bouquet flying over his head and into the crowd.

“I got it!” Bokuto exclaimed, turning to his boyfriend, “Akaashi! I got it! Does this mean we’re gonna get married?” 

“Anything you want, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi beamed. 

* * *

About an hour later, the room began to feel hot and stuffy from all the sweaty bodies bobbing around to the music. “I’m gonna step outside for a minute. I need some air,” Kageyama told Hinata before wandering outside. When he exited the hotel, he found Oikawa sitting alone on a bench by the parking lot. He took a seat next to him. “What are you doing out here by yourself? It’s your big night.”

Oikawa chucked. “Yeah, I guess it is,” he sighed. “It’s a really crazy feeling. Like, this marriage...It’s almost entirely symbolic, because not a lot changes legally, but still I feel like it shifted something in my heart. It finally hit me that he’s really mine, forever.”

“Congratulations,” Kageyama patted his friend’s knee, “You’re the last to realize.” 

“Very funny, Tobio-chan.” They didn’t speak for a few minutes, the sound of crickets and birds and water rushing in the distance. “You know,” Oikawa sucked his teeth, “I was hoping you would catch the bouquet back there.”

“Really?”

He nodded, “You’ve got something special of your own, you know. Oh, chibi-chan.”

“Oh, I know.”

* * *

When the party came to an end, and all of the guests had retreated to their rooms to crash or have drunken sex, Kageyama took Hinata up to the roof of the hotel. There was a bench like the one out front, offering them an alternative to the cold concrete they were so used to enduring on their many stargazing dates when they would go up to the roof of their apartment building and stare into the great unknown. 

“I’m proud of you,” Hinata declared, leaning over to rest his head on the taller boy’s shoulder.

“For…?” Kageyama reciprocated, letting his cheek sink into Hinata’s fiery hair.

“Your best man speech, silly. I know you were nervous about it but I thought it was perfect.”

“Oh, yeah. Thanks,”  _ That’s not the only thing I was nervous about, though. And if everything goes to plan, that won’t be the only speech you hear tonight.  _ He was glad Hinata couldn’t see the sweat beading on his forehead or his hand trembling in the pocket of his suit coat. 

“The stars are beautiful tonight, don’t you think?” He raved. And he was right. The view from the hotel was far more captivating than the one from their apartment. The sky was clearer out here, with sprawling acres of forest and the waterfall just barely visible in the distance. 

It was breathtaking, really, but that’s not quite what Kageyama had on his mind right then.  _ What a convenient change of subject.  _ “Absolutely. But not as beautiful as you,” he playfully nudged the redhead with his elbow. 

“Gag, Kageyama. So sappy,” he whined.

“Yeah, yeah,”  _ Sorry, Hinata, but there’s more sap where that came from. Time to get this shit over with. Time to get on with our life.  _ “Hey, do you remember the first time I took you up to the roof at our old building?”

“Our first official date, how could I forget?” He smiled, squeezing his partner’s thigh. 

“Right. And that night I told you I would never let you go ever again. Well,”  _ Here we go.  _ Kageyama stood up from the bench, turned to Hinata, and got down on one knee, “Tonight I’d like to show you that’s a promise I intend to keep.” He pulled out a small black box from his coat pocket and snapped it open to reveal a sparkling silver ring with two black lines woven into an infinity pattern. 

Hinata jolted to his feet, eyes wide and hands cupped over his mouth. “Tobio what a--”

“Shh! Don’t interrupt! Let me get through this before you start blabbing,” he scolded.

The smaller boy nodded vigorously and mimed zipping his mouth shut. 

“Now I’m not usually so good with words, but I practiced these ones about a million times so I should be able to manage,” Kageyama cleared his throat before continuing, “Our old friend Carl Sagan once said, ‘For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.’ Those words really resonated with me on a personal level, so I thought you might like them too...And honestly, I wish I could shake that man’s hand because of all the times his words were exactly what I needed to hear. Anyway,” he realized he had gone off on a tangent and needed to regroup,”...I love you, which I hope you know because I tell you constantly. But what I don’t always properly express is how much better my life is, simply because you’re in it. In my universe, you are the sun. The light you bring to our lives every day is immeasurable. Hinata,  _ you  _ make this vastness bearable. Just over three years ago I stood in front of you and told you I loved you for the first time. That was a big step for me. Now, I’m kneeling before you, and asking a question that could be a big step for  _ us _ . Hinata Shouyou, will you marry me?” 

By now Hinata had happy tears streaming down both sides of his face. He nodded his head, slowly this time, and with a quivering lip he uttered, “Of course, dumbass!” He flung his arms around Kageyama, trapping him in a tight embrace before he could slip the ring onto his finger. Time seemed to slow as their lips met. “Bokuto’s gonna be so jealous that we’re getting married before him even though he caught the bouquet!” Hinata squealed when they finally pulled away.

“About that, um...Would you mind not mentioning this for a bit? I wouldn’t want to take the spotlight away from the married couple,” Kageyama asked.

“I’ll try my best,” he nodded with a smile, “But I’m so excited it might slip out!”

“Dumbass,” he grinned at his fiance, taking hold of Hinata’s hand to slide the ring onto his finger at last, “I love you.”

“I love  _ you _ ,” he pressed his head to Kageyama’s chest again. 

* * *

“Do you want kids?” Hinata asked, playing with Kageyama’s hair as they laid naked in the hotel bed after a passionate round of post-engagement sex. 

“Haven’t we talked about this before?” Kageyama yawned, snuggling up to the redhead.

“Yeah but...Now it’s serious,” he narrowed his eyes, “We’re getting married. Before you know it, people will start asking us if we’re having kids.”

He sighed, “Yes. I want kids.  _ After  _ I finish law school.”

“Aw Tobio, that’s so cute,” he gushed, planting a kiss on his partner’s head.

“Shut up.”

“No, no, it’s good. I want them too.”

“Shouyou?” Kageyama asked, tracing his finger along Hinata’s torso.

“Yes my love?” 

“Would you still marry me even if I didn’t?”

“If you didn’t want kids?” He repeated, “In a heartbeat. You’re more important to me than the possibility of kids.”

“That’s saying a lot, you know. Kids are a big part of life if you have them.”

“I know. And I’d rather live a childless life with you than have kids with anyone else. You mean that much to me. Raising children with you is one of the greatest adventures I can imagine. But when it comes down to it, you’re all I need.” 

“And you say I’m the sappy one,” he smirked. 

Hinata frowned and flicked Kageyama on the arm. Kageyama retaliated, starting a full on wrestling match in the bed. They tried to pin each other down, but ended up lying on their sides facing each other, tears in their eyes from laughing so hard.

“So,” Hinata rubbed Kageyama’s bicep with his small hand, “Son or daughter?” 

“Huh?” 

“Dumbass, when we have a kid do you want a girl or a boy?”

“Idiot, that doesn’t matter,” Kageyama said with a scowl, “What matters is that they look like a little baby Shouyou,” his expression softened at the thought.

“I guess you’re right. But I want them to look like you,” he declared, “Mini Tobios.”

“Well, maybe some can look like you and some can look like me,” he conceded. 

“How many are we talking, here?” The redhead raised an eyebrow.

“Uh...I don’t know. Two? Three?” 

Suddenly, Hinata’s eyes lit up. “If we have six we can start our own little volleyball team.”

“Six?!” His eyes widened in horror, “We are  _ not  _ having six kids!” 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he chuckled, “But man, the look on your face!”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, then refocused them on Hinata. The pale moonlight streaming in through the gap in the curtains illuminated his face just slightly.  _ He’s magnificent. And  _ I  _ get to marry him.  _ I  _ get to have kids with him someday. What did I do to deserve all this? _

“What?” Hinata whispered, bashfully, “You’re staring at me.”

“I like you.”

“Duh,” he said, unsatisfied.

“When I look at you,” he cupped Hinata’s face with his hand, “I can't help but think how lucky I am to be alive at the same time as you. You are perfect, Hinata Shouyou. Fucking perfect.”

“If I’m perfect then so are you,” he retorted without missing a beat.

“Oh yeah? How do you figure?” 

“Stardust, remember?” He grinned, their past, present, and future swimming around behind his eyes.

“How could I forget?” He returned a smile, doing some reminiscing of his own.  _ This all started because you took an internship on a whim. You captivated me without even realizing it. Conjured up feelings inside of me that I didn’t know were possible. You fell in love with me. I fell in love with you. I couldn’t tell you exactly when or how, but you became the only thing that really mattered. I think you would agree it wasn’t easy or simple. But ultimately we are stronger than the mistakes we made. Admittedly, I made most of the mistakes. However, I am a different person now than when I met you. I believe it’s for the better. And I believe it’s because of you. You changed my life, no two ways about it. You you you. Hinata Shouyou, your presence is brighter than all the stars in the sky combined. Please never stop shining.  _

“Me, you, our future kids,” Hinata ran a finger along Kageyama’s jaw, down to his chin, “A perfect life, full of love, for perfect stardust people.”

Kageyama leaned over and kissed his fiance gently on the forehead. “And it’s only just begun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well friends, that is all. I want to thank each and every one of you that made it this far with me for reading. This is the first story I have written and your views, kudos, and comments mean the world to me, truly. Your support is what kept me motivated to write, and overall this story ended up being about 115 pages over two Google docs (After 62 pages the first doc gave me a message saying it was making my computer run really slow bc it was so long lol). 
> 
> I wrote most of this story between semesters of college, but today is my first day back to online school. This means I probably will not be starting a new story for a while, so I'm sorry but don't expect anything new on here from me any time soon. I was thinking about starting to make Twitter threads because I feel like that would be less time consuming. Please let me know if you have an opinion about this! 
> 
> Finally, I made a playlist of some songs that remind me of this story. It's collaborative so please feel free to add any songs that you think might fit, even loosely! Here is the link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3IjrhSOWl112FEimDGv2h9?si=Umt5Zi_KT6q149K62KNVKg
> 
> Thank you all again for being here, I hope you enjoyed reading as much I enjoyed writing! 
> 
> -IHA

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! Thanks for reading this first chapter. I have never seen a fic of mine all the way to completion, but I have a feeling this time it's going to be different. Please leave a comment to let me know what you think! Also I don't really know the best way to tag this fic? So if you have any suggestions on that I would appreciate it!  
> \- IH


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